Politics

Watch a Member of Congress Attempt to Park a Car

By on 3.25.15 | 3:56PM

Congress isn't technically exempt from DC's parking laws, and we know they're definitely not exempt from operating as far from reality as possible.

Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton is DC's representation in Congress. She's not allowed to vote, and before today, she might have been best known for angrily demanding that the public take the White House at its word, noting that sometimes, the rest of the world doesn't deserve the luxury of understanding the Executive Branch. After today, she will forever be known as the worst parker in Congressional history. This afternoon, when she showed up to hear Afghan President Ashraf Ghani address a joint session, she tried to jam what appears to be a silver Ford Focus in between two cars parked on an angle. 

Senate Votes Down Obama Budget, 98-1.

By on 3.25.15 | 12:56PM

What was it I said yesterday about the solution to partisan politics being united against Obama's nonsense? Seems like the theory works.

The Senate, which has, admittedly, been loathe to pass a budget even when they agree on stuff, joined hands in a bipartisan bear hug yesterday to vote down the model budget that the Obama White House presented to them just a few short weeks ago. And while they have yet to come up with a solid idea of their own, they know, at least, that there's no way in hell that Barack Obama is getting everything - or anything - he wants.

Senators on Tuesday opposed an amendment that would have swapped out the Republican budget with the one rolled out by President Obama earlier this year. 

The amendment failed by a 1-98 vote, with Sen. Tom Carper (D-Del.) voting for the amendment. 

 

Ted Cruz Forced Onto Obamacare

By on 3.24.15 | 8:42PM

Ted Cruz's wife has to go on an unpaid leave from her job at Goldman Sachs while he is on the campaign trail. As a result, Ted Cruz will lose the awesome health insurance that Goldman Sachs provides to the spouses of its workers, and will now be forced onto the Obamacare insurance exchange, where he will have to struggle, tooth and nail, against the faceless Affordable Care Act bureaucracy for subpar health insurance like we all do. 

Thanks, Obama. No, literally.

Ted Cruz, one of the loudest critics of Obamacare, will soon be using it for health insurance coverage.

"We will presumably go on the exchange and sign up for health care, and we're in the process of transitioning over to do that," Cruz, a Republican candidate for president, told The Des Moines Register on Tuesday.

Cruz's wife, Heidi, is going on an unpaid leave of absence from her job at Goldman Sachs to join Cruz full time on the campaign trail, Cruz told the Register.

The Presidential Florist Has Been Escorted from the White House

By on 3.24.15 | 5:26PM

I wouldn't normally go to the Washington Post's "Style" section for insight into the inner workings of the Obama Administration, but since they blew the lid off the soon-to-be-former Rep. Aaron Schock case with their expose on his Downton Abbey-themed office space, resulting an investigation into his finances that may now lead to Federal charges, I find the fluff worth checking. 

And today, it revealed an administration scandal of epic proportions: the Presidential florist has been unceremoniously escorted from the White House and the Administration has been left utterly adrift as they search for a replacement in time for the upcoming State Dinner with the Japanese Prime Minister. And DC is just swirling with speculation.

Hillary Now Thinks This Email Thing is Hilarious

By on 3.24.15 | 5:13PM

If you're keeping score, based on familiarity with the Clinton playbook, we have now delightfully exited the "pretend nothing is wrong" phase of Hillary Clinton's private email scandal and we've moved into the "joke about it as though it's funny" phase.

If you recall, this closely mirror's Bill Clinton's response to the Monica Lewinsky scandal, where, after denying his scandal under oath and then recanting it, embraced his public personal as a lovable, yet kind of creepy oaf, bound to haplessly follow the edicts of his nether regions: "Oh, that's just Bill!" and "Did someone say Colombian prostitutes?" Hillary is following suit. Fresh off her UN press conference, where she revealed her own technological vulnerability, as well as her abject commitment to the feminist principle of always playing too dumb to know what's going on, she's confident the situation has been completely resolved. And so, on to the jokes.

Rep. Peter King Will “Jump Off A Bridge” If Ted Cruz Gets Nominated

By on 3.24.15 | 12:40PM

Someone needs a nap.

Speaking to Wolf Blitzer yesterday afternoon, a fact I'm noting because otherwise, you'd just ask whether Wolf Blitzer was actually still on the air, Rep. Peter King decided to let America know that, if they end up nominating Ted Cruz for President in 2016, well, then, they'll just have to do without Rep. Peter King. Because Ted Cruz is a carnival barker and is probably going to push Peter King off a bridge. Or something.

Rep. Peter King (R-NY) appeared on CNN’s The Situation Room Monday afternoon and when Wolf Blitzer asked him to explain his statement that compared Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) to a “carnival barker,” the Republican congressman opted not to walk back his comments but instead take about a dozen steps forward.

Iran Talks Stall, But Not Because of “Death to America” Comments

By on 3.24.15 | 12:18PM

I'm a tiny bit late picking this up because I had to wait in a ridiculous online queue for Lollapalooza tickets which I didn't get anyway. I suppose that's not that big of a deal, since Kanye West is rumored to be the primary headliner, but still. Can't something remind me that summer is only a few short months away?

Anyway, while I'm busy feeling sorry for myself over concert tickets, John Kerry, who should feel sorry for himself for being in any way involved with foreign policy, will allow another deadline to pass: the original deadline by which the international negotiations team was supposed to have a deal that would halt the progress of a nuclear Iran. Unsurprisingly, that deadline has been rendered all but meaningless, and Kerry will not even return to the barganing table until Thursday. 

The original Tuesday deadline in the Iran nuclear talks will pass without a framework for a final agreement nor congressional action on bills to impose new sanctions or require approval of a deal.

Starbucks Has Solved Racism, Will Move On To Other Things Now

By on 3.23.15 | 4:28PM

If you, like me, were disappointed over the weekend when the person mixing up your tiramisu latte didn't offer to have an in-depth conversation with you about the state of race relations in America ("it's 8:30am on a Saturday, it's way too early to talk about racism"), you may not have a chance to live out your dream of discussing uncomfortable subjects with uninformed strangers much longer. At least, as far as Starbucks is mandating it.

According to Starbucks, the #RaceTogether promotion, which was widely ridiculed for being utterly ridiculous, ended on Sunday and baristas are no longer required to request that you "race together" to a better America. They're "moving on" to other aspects of the multi-dimensional campaign. And while most people looking forward to getting a bit of social justice with their morning espresso were under the impression the promotion would last for weeks, Starbucks says the short stint was all that was in the plan, and that they're "moving on."

Ted Cruz First To Declare For President

By on 3.23.15 | 11:27AM

It's morning in America. Although, given that I'm under 2 inches of snow and Ted Cruz is dominating the news cycle, it's more likely to be a morning in December of 2013, than one in March of 2015. But whatever. Happy Presidential Election Kickoff Day, everyone!

And, as announced, Senator Ted Cruzis the first out of the gate to declare his intention to compete for the Republican Presidential nomination. He officially launched his campaign for President this morning, with the obligatory "video that looks like it was cobbled together after someone ran a search for "America" on a stock photo site. Cruz's is entitled "A Time for Truth," and it is very, very patriotic. There are many waving flags, tow-headed children, working Americans, baseballs flying and things of that nature.

His longer, more comprehensive ad, which features him in shirtsleeves talking about his American-ness, is here

Political Hay

The Texas Reagan Announces for President

By 3.23.15

You could call him the Texas Reagan.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz is announcing today that he is a candidate for president.

The announcement will come in a speech at Liberty University, the famous Virginia school founded by the late Rev. Jerry Falwell. There will be no “exploratory committee,” with Cruz moving straight to an announcement of candidacy. This will make the Texas son of a Cuban immigrant and one-time star of Harvard Law School the first officially declared candidate for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination.

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