Politics

Ted Cruz Smoked Pot in High School

By on 2.4.15 | 11:44AM

I feel like this has been the week where Presidential contenders drop information about themselves that they feel to be controversial. After all, with the advent of the Internet, October surprises have gotten lamer and lamer, and it's best to get the real stuff out of the way when everyone is fully obsessed with, say, Rand Paul's somewhat-incoherent position on the potential for vaccine injuries. 

Ted Cruz, fearing that the limelight had left his little corner of the high school auditorium, decided this morning to announce that, this one time, at band camp, he tried marijuana. And like the clean-cut 1950s sitcom child he was and is, he hated it and never smoked it again.

Texas Republican Sen. Ted Cruz, known for brandishing his staunchly conservative views, coughed up to smoking marijuana as a teenager, NBC News has confirmed.

A spokesperson told the Daily Mail on Tuesday that the potential 2016 presidential candidate tried it in his teens, but did not elaborate on how many times.

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Note to GOP Candidates: Stop Talking About Vaccines

By on 2.3.15 | 2:12PM

Look, I'm not here to argue the merits of vaccination policy. Frankly, I tend to think that all kids should be vaccinated against illnesses that I only know about because my 8-bit characters died from them on Oregon Trail, but there's more than meets the eye when it comes to the great "vaccine debate" we seem to be having in this country thanks to some people who decided to pack measles in their carry-ons when they visited DisneyLand. 

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Hillary Clinton Will Campaign With The Hipsters

By on 2.3.15 | 1:42PM

From the haircut right down to the cankles, there isn't much about Hillary Clinton that can rightfully be considered "cool." But the first order of business for Camp Hillary, ahead of actually announcing her intention to run for the Democratic nomination, is to change all that - by relocating her as-yet-to-exist campaign headquarters to Brooklyn, where all the cool kids and their locally-sourced vegan non-dairy, environmentally compassionate brunch places are. 

According to The Hill, campaign staff have been seen canvassing the hip borough for office space, and may, in fact, be planning to head up Hillary 2016 from some art loft space over an Urban Outfitters just to be close to the people they so desperately need to impress.

Insiders say Clinton aides are looking at Brooklyn as a possible location, and that an office in White Plains, near the Clintons’s Chappaqua, N.Y., home, has been all but ruled out.  

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The FAA Will Not Regulate Your Moon Base…Yet

By on 2.3.15 | 12:44PM

With all this talk of Mars exploration, the US government clearly has spacefaring commercialism on its mind. 

In clear pursuit of Newt Gingrich's sweeping vision, a company called Bigelow Aerospace is considering putting some sort of inflatable base on the moon, and in the process of completing their plans, contacted the Federal Aviation Administration to find out whether their biodome would fall under American authority. In a letter obtained by Reuters, the FAA noted, to the great relief of all parties involved, that no, the FAA does not have authority to govern your moonbase. Yet.

According to documents obtained by Reuters, U.S. companies can stake claims to lunar territory through an existing licensing process for space launches.

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Ashley Judd Thinks Hillary Clinton is Best Candidate Since Jefferson

By on 2.3.15 | 12:14PM

Oh, thank heavens. I thought, when Ashley Judd was run out of Kentucky's Senate race on a rail after a series of unfortunate events that completely took the mystery out of why she'd never been called upon to be a serious candidate for anything her whole life, that we'd lost the B-movie actress from politics completely.  Fortunately, she seems to have recovered from her ill-fated attempt to turn a state-focused attempt to defeat Mitch McConnell into a national issue by feigning interest in running against him, and has begun openly endorsing 2016 Presidential candidates.

According to Ashley, who has been a long-time fan of Hillary Clinton for no reason I can immediately identify, the former Secretary of State is easily the most qualified of any person in the field, currently, if not the most overqualified candidate for President since Thomas Jefferson.

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Seahawks Lost the Super Bowl Because of Racism, Obviously

By on 2.3.15 | 11:43AM

Leave it to The Nation to uncover the real reason that the Seattle Seahawks lost the Super Bowl in a crushing, heart-breaking, emotionally devastating last-minute decision that allowed the New England Patriots to intercept the ball and end the game: everyone, including Seahawks coach Pete Carroll, is a racist.

Apparently, a disgruntled anonymous source in the Seahawks locker room told The Nation's reporter (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) that the Seahawks were more interested in allowing Russell Wilson to come out of the game a hero than actually winning the game, a theory that doesn't quite add up for reasons I'll get to in a minute.

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Political Hay

Sarah Palin and the Sons of Liberty

By 2.3.15

Oh the humanity! Good heavens. Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has a bad day and suddenly out comes this stream of ill-disguised venom going after the woman. She’s a this and a that and “we told you so.” Yada yada yada.

Get the smelling salts! Methinks all this commotion over Sarah Palin is really representative of something else. 

Let’s go back to an event from last week that was presented courtesy of the History Channel. It was a show called Sons of Liberty, a three-parter that dramatized the events in Boston leading up to the Declaration of Independence. The show was riveting. Yes, the telling of this famous American tale was a trifle Hollywoodized. Growing up in Massachusetts and spending time tromping the Freedom Trail and other landmarks of the Revolution in Boston, I am pretty sure that Sam Adams was kind of your basic portly guy. Hardly the glamorous English actor Ben Barnes who portrayed him. (Although in fact Barnes did an excellent job capturing the Sam Adams spirit.)

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Lindsay Graham Launches Presidential Campaign, Possible Ground War in Asia

By on 2.2.15 | 1:03PM

Mitt Romney may have bowed out of Presidential contention (though a few hardcore pundits are still predicting a last-minute re-entry when no one effectively fulfills the "unappealing moderate" role), but Lindsay Graham is ensuring that there is still a Presidential contender present who no one asked for and no one wanted. Graham's candidacy, which is predicated on "Safety Through Security" focuses primarily on foreign policy, an area where other Presidential candidates are already faltering, but which Graham is most famous for. 

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Romney Will Not Run in 2016

By on 1.30.15 | 11:26AM

Mitt Romney has announced that he will not seek the Republican party's nomination a third time

Former Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney will not run for president in 2016.

Three weeks after unexpectedly saying he was considering a third campaign for the White House, the former Massachusetts governor told members of his staff during a Friday conference call that he is out of race.

Romney jumped back into the presidential discussion on Jan. 10, when he told a small group of former donors in New York that he was eyeing another White House run.

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Scott Walker Now Masterfully Trolling Wisconsin’s College Professors

By on 1.29.15 | 1:03PM

There is no love lost between myself and Wisconsin. Honestly, between the Green Bay Packers and the fact that I get a speeding ticket every time I cross the state line, I find Wisconsin to be one of those states that are just better left alone (see also: Ohio). But while I might lack respect for his little piece of the American midwest, I do have a great deal of respect for Scott Walker, who, based on today's news alone, has giant, cheesy balls of steel.

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