Politics

Nancy Pelosi: Get Your Sweetie Obamacare for Valentine’s Day

By on 2.12.15 | 5:37PM

Frankly, I'm not sure why Nancy Pelosi is even embracing the concept of Valentine's Day. In this dog-eat-dog rape-culture world, the idea of a holiday that promotes any kind of physical affection is almost begging America's male population to "man-spread" themselves across womens' rights. As a woman, I'm offended that someone in a position of power even acknowledges the holiday.

Or something.

Anyway, breaking with her core constituency, Rep. Nancy Pelosi does believe you should get your sweetie something for Valentine's Day, but it shouldn't be a bouquet of roses or a box of chocolates, or even one of those incredibly creepy Fifty Shades of Grey Vermont Teddy bears that come with handcuffs and the sinking feeling that you've lost all of your self respect. Nancy would like you to take your sweetie (gender non-specific, of course) down to your local Obamacare office and sign them up for free government healthcare.

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DNC To Hold Convention in Philly

By on 2.12.15 | 11:55AM

Not content to let the GOP have all the fun of holding their convention in a slowly deteriorating city, the DNC has chosen to hold its convention in Philadelphia

As of this morning, both parties - the DNC and the city of Philadelphia - are said to have "enthusiastically signed off" on the plan to hold the 2016 nominating convention in the City of Brotherly Love (and, apparently "Sisterly Affection," according to the mayor, since simply saying "brotherly love" conflicts with the stated policy of gender neutrality), the President has been informed, and Michelle Obama will immediately begin investigating whether Philly cheese steak cheese is organic enough to publicly embrace. 

The 2016 Democratic National Convention will be held in Philadelphia, party leaders announced Thursday.

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Campaign Crawlers

Nobody is Really Ready for Warren

By 2.12.15

I've seen the interviews and I've heard the songs. I've seen the fake poll showing her leading in Iowa. I've been subjected to her mug in every corner of the Internet since she first pulled ahead of Scott Brown in that fateful race for Senate that propelled her from the lowly ranks of the Harvard faculty and the Troubled Asset Relief Program bureaucracy to the glittery halls of national elected office.

But I don't really believe anyone really wants the Massachusetts mohican to run for president.

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Illinois Gov. Bruce Rauner Brings Mandatory Union Dues to an End

By on 2.10.15 | 1:48PM

Apparently, when it comes to the game of issuing Executive Orders, both parties can play.

Last night, just in time for the 6 o'clock news, newly-minted (Republican) Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner announced that he will use his pen and his phone to put an end to a requirement forcing all Illinois state workers to pay dues to the Illinois government employees union. The move, which Rauner takes in open defiance of a heavily Democratic state legislature, will cut off the spigot Illinois's public sector unions use to fund Democratic candidates without having to encounter the people who receive their hefty checks.

Gov. Bruce Rauner, the newly elected Republican who has often criticized public sector unions, took his first step toward curbing their power on Monday by announcing an executive order that would bar unions from requiring all state workers to pay the equivalent of dues.

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Obama Will Veto Keystone XL Behind Closed Doors

By on 2.9.15 | 3:38PM

The President will veto a bill authorizing construction of the Keystone XL pipeline this week, despite the bill's bipartisan support. But instead of making a big deal out of the "do nothing Congress" he's seen so far as his foe (Obama's only had the chance to veto three bills in his Presidency, largely due to partisan deadlock in the legislature), Obama will stamp this one out quietly, behind closed doors at his desk, without any media fanfare. 

Because, as it turns out, the man who has spent the better part of four years accusing the Republicans of being the blockade against effective legislation is about to undertake a two-year crusade against anything passed by Congress, and he doesn't want anyone to know about it.

Obama’s veto — just the third of his presidency and the first since 2010 — is expected to come with little fanfare, with even opponents of the pipeline arguing the White House should avoid further angering Democrats and unions who want Keystone to be built.

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John Kerry “Won’t Rule Out” Running in 2016

By on 2.9.15 | 11:32AM

John Kerry is doing such a bang-up job as Secretary of State that he's considering taking this circus on the road. No, I don't mean that he's finally decided to take his job seriously and pursue foreign policy goals that don't involve "preventing global Climate Change" by relocating Europe's farting cows; he's considering running for President in 2016.

After all, if noted foreign policy achiever Hillary Clinton can do it, why can't we have a choice in which failed chief diplomat to elect to an even higher office?

Secretary of State John Kerry said in an interview broadcast on Sunday that he has not ruled out launching a presidential bid in 2016, maintaining he's been too busy to give the prospect any thought.

Asked by "Meet the Press" host Chuck Todd if he'd consider another run, the 2004 Democratic nominee said he can think of "no scenario whatsoever" where he would launch another bid.

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Study Finds John Kerry Worst Secretary of State In the History of Ever

By on 2.5.15 | 1:18PM

We all knew it. Even he probably knew it. But now, there's scientific proof.

John Kerry is the worst Secretary of State in history according to a survey of professors at the top 25 foreign policy schools conducted by Foreign Policy Magazine, losing out, even, to "Don't Know."

Foreign Policy magazine this week announced the results of its 2014 Ivory Tower survey of 1,615 international relations scholars from 1,375 U.S. colleges.

One question they were asked was: “Who was the most effective U.S. secretary of state of the past 50 years?

The winner? Nobel Peace Prize winner Henry A. Kissinger, who was secretary for four years during the Nixon and Ford administrations. Since the Vietnam thing didn’t turn out so well, the scholars must have been grading him on openings to China and the Soviet Union when he was at the National Security Council?

Kissinger got 32.21 percent, extraordinary in such a large field.

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Hillary Clinton’s Million-Dollar Air Travel

By on 2.5.15 | 1:00PM

Hillary Clinton is, maybe not best know for her utter destitution upon her husband leaving office in the early 2000s, but may be most recently known for her claim that she and Bill struggled desperately to make ends meet once they were relegated to only two homes and lucrative speaking tours that paid in the six figures per appearance. 

It now seems that those hard times were even shorter than previously imagined. Starting with her campaign for President in 2007, Hillary Clinton may have been chowing down on ramen noodles and buying pantsuits made of polyester instead of silk shantung, but she wasn't skimping on air travel

Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney each finished second in their party’s primaries when they ran for president in 2008, but they took dramatically different routes to arrive at the same result — literally, in a way.

A deeper look into the candidates’ campaign expenditures reveals that Clinton spent more than nine times as much as Romney did on private jets during the 2008 race.

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NBC’s Brian Williams Probably Didn’t Get Shot At In Iraq

By on 2.5.15 | 11:23AM

There are a lot of things from my earlier years I don't really remember orrectly, largely due to a mix of Country Time Lemonade and cheap vodka, but they're mostly innocous things, like how the cat ended up with a red wine stain on its back, how my furniture ended up in that particular formation, or whether Chicago's baseball team had, in fact, won the World Series sometime in April of 2009. I think, though, if I'd been shot at in a helicopter while covering a story in Iraq, I'd have remembered it correctly. It seems like a big event that people could corroborate, right, so that even if I wasn't clear on the details, someone who'd been there would be.

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Ted Cruz Smoked Pot in High School

By on 2.4.15 | 11:44AM

I feel like this has been the week where Presidential contenders drop information about themselves that they feel to be controversial. After all, with the advent of the Internet, October surprises have gotten lamer and lamer, and it's best to get the real stuff out of the way when everyone is fully obsessed with, say, Rand Paul's somewhat-incoherent position on the potential for vaccine injuries. 

Ted Cruz, fearing that the limelight had left his little corner of the high school auditorium, decided this morning to announce that, this one time, at band camp, he tried marijuana. And like the clean-cut 1950s sitcom child he was and is, he hated it and never smoked it again.

Texas Republican Sen. Ted Cruz, known for brandishing his staunchly conservative views, coughed up to smoking marijuana as a teenager, NBC News has confirmed.

A spokesperson told the Daily Mail on Tuesday that the potential 2016 presidential candidate tried it in his teens, but did not elaborate on how many times.

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