Biden Steals Baby’s Pacifier Because Of Course He Did

By on 4.10.15 | 12:25PM

With the Hillary Clinton announcement looming, it's almost as though a personal dream is dying. Obviously, when the woman who is owed at least Quixotic shot at the Presidency, having been bested by a first-term Senator from a flyover state only a few short years ago, enters the race, the man, the myth and the legend, Mr. Joe Biden, will likely have to bow out.

This is disappointing on so many levels. First, the bumper sticker that reads "I'm Ridin' With Biden" that I bought from the Draft Biden campaign will now look more like a relic of a bygone era. Second, Joe Biden will never get to buy that campaign Corvette Z06 that he's been looking forward to since he first got into this game. And third, we're going to miss so many fantastic political moments, like that time Joe Biden took a pacifier from a former NYC mayor's grandson and sucked it in his face. 

Hillary Clinton Will Announce Sunday. On Twitter. Probably

By on 4.10.15 | 12:06PM

Last night, the Guardian broke some Very Important News: that, cognisant of the incredible outpouring of love and support for Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, both of whom are clearly anti-woman, Hillary Clinton feels that she must enter the race sooner than later. Despite running behind nearly every Republican in nearly every poll, the nation is clamoring for her ancient, sage wisdom, her dedicated foreign policy leadership and a reminder of times gone by, when comprehensive healthcare overhauls failed and First Families hurled bedside lamps instead of wilting vegetables.

So, this weekend, Hillary Clinton will take to Twitter and announce her candidacy in 140 characters or less, en route to her first campaign stop in Iowa.

Hillary Clinton is expected to officially declare her candidacy for president on 'Sunday afternoon,' according to a Democratic Party source in Iowa. 

Hillary Clinton Hires Makeup Artists, “Relatability Consultants”

By on 4.9.15 | 4:02PM

I think, if there were another job in politics I'd like to have, aside from the digital communications aspect, it would be as a "campaign stylist." In that role, you get to tell the candidate what to wear, who to talk to, how to do their hair and makeup, and you get to be endlessly critical all while earning a paycheck (and probably looking like the tyrannical dance teacher on Dance Moms, to boot). 

Hillary Clinton, not known for being quite the woman of the people her dire bank account situation post-Presidency should suggest she is, has brought on not just one stylist, but a team of people whose entire job it is to transform Hillary Clinton into something the public thinks resembles an actual human being.

Having helped shape Mrs. Obama’s public image into that of an accessible everywoman, Ms. Schake is about to face what may be her toughest challenge yet: working to get another first lady, Hillary Rodham Clinton, elected president.

Lincoln Chafee Wants to Challenge Hillary Clinton

By on 4.9.15 | 2:28PM

I know so very little about Lincoln Chafee, aside from his short brush with fame when he switched parties in the Senate because it was more politically expedient to be a Democrat in the 2000s, that I had to look up several things before writing this story: whether his name is indeed "Lincoln," exactly how many "f's" there were in "Chafee," and whether someone would ever really get an official photo taken with a bowl haircut. The answers are, "yes," "one" and, "in all honesty, it was the 1990s and everyone had this haircut, it's not his fault he looks like Bob Odenkirk."

At any rate, Lincoln Chafee would like you to consider him for the nation's highest office. On the Democratic ticket, in case that was unclear. 

Apparently, he's been governor of Rhode Island for a while. Who knew?

Major Scoop in Mother Jones Claims Ted Cruz Was Once a Lawyer

By on 4.9.15 | 12:34PM

I'm so glad the world has David Corn of Mother Jones. Without him, how would we get the most pressing and important information on our Republican Presidential candidates? After all, it's not everyone who can read Wikipedia and use Google so masterfully.

This week, we learn from our intrepid reporter that not only is Ted Cruz an attorney, but he also once represented clients

Iran Says American Nuke Deal Fact Sheet is “Wrong on Most Issues”

By on 4.9.15 | 11:44AM

They may have closed a deal just in time for John Kerry to gear up for windsurfing season in Nantucket, but the "framework" that's supposed to be the foundational element of the Iranaian nuclear deal seems to still be up for debate.

Political Hay

Bill Buckley Was Right: America in the Grip of the Liberal Mania

By 4.9.15

The list grows longer.

The three most recent entries the Rolling Stone rape-at-the-University of Virginia story. Ferguson and the “hands up don’t shoot” business. Indiana and the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. 

From cries of “racist!” to shrieks of “rapist” (to borrow from Kevin Williamson over there at National Review) over and over and over again liberals — liberals in the media and out of it — are repeatedly plunging the country into manic frenzies over stories that eventually turn out to be flat out false or in serious dispute at best.

Why is this? 

Ted Cruz Raises $31M in One Week

By on 4.8.15 | 4:05PM

Not content to let Rand Paul have all the headlines this week, today Ted Cruz revealed that his controversial decision to forgo an "exploratory committe" because, honestly, who in the hell even cares about those anyway(?), was a rapid and resounding succcess. 

With just one week, a handful of fundraising emails, two YouTube videos, one functioning website and a metric ton of stock photography under his belt, Ted Cruz has managed to raise a whopping $31 million from individuals and SuperPACs. 

Ted Cruz’s presidential effort is getting into the shock-and-awe fundraising business.

An associate of the Texas senator, a recently announced presidential candidate, tells Bloomberg that a cluster of affiliated super-political action committees was formed only this week, and among them they are expected to have $31 million in the bank by Friday.

Rand Paul Tells Reporters to Ask the DNC About Abortion

By on 4.8.15 | 3:41PM

Obviously, the DNC and Planned Parenthood are choosing to attack Rand Paul on abortion because they believe that recognizing the inherent rights of all humanity — and not just born humanity — goes against the notion of supporting individual liberty. After all, what says "individual liberty" more than exercising your right to vacuum the "products of conception" out of your womb right up until the baby arrives, screaming, into the world?

Ugh, whatever. I'm getting carried away. But seriously, this morning, after Rand Paul answered a question from the Associated Press about his pro-life position and his subsequent support for "Personhood amendments," the DNC shot of an email chastizing Rand for having opened a new front in the #waronwomen. Obviously taking the clear orders from his betters, a New Hampshire television reporter parroted the DNC's talking points and tried to back Rand Paul into a corner over his views on abortion. His response probably won't make it into the next DNC missive.