Marie Harf: “I’m Sorry If You’re Too Dumb to Understand Me”

By on 2.18.15 | 1:10PM

The Obama Administration has chosen to treat the fight against terrorism as a community service project, imploring ISIS radicals to give up their violent Jihad in order to take a minimum wage job as a district IKEA manager in Syria or something. While that seems to misunderstand a basic principle of Jihad itself, the Obama Administration — and in particular, the State Department — seem rather pleased that they've discerned this winning strategy, sort of like how a two-year-old feels the first time he or she makes an appropriate deposit in a plastic potty chair.

Faced with quizzical looks from across the spectrum of media, State Department Spokeswoman Marie Harf took to CNN to explain the theory behind her proclamation that ISIS is driven primarily by unemployment, and if they only had real jobs, well, they'd be less likely to run rivers of blood into the Gulf. No, her explanation did not outline the more nuanced aspects of her theory. No, she did not offer evidence to support the idea. She merely posited that she was right and everyone complaining about her complete lack of situational understanding was just bereft of the intellect required to understand her.

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Warren, Clinton Had a Secret Meeting in December

By on 2.17.15 | 4:23PM

While tens of Elizabeth Warren's most dedicated supporters were meeting over veggies and ranch dressing in quiet mid-western living rooms, to discuss how best to support their chosen candidate's inevitable progressive crusade against Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren herself was pow-wowing (as Elizabeth Warren is wont to do) with Hillary Clinton in her well-appointed DC living room. 

After six months of reaching out to Warren, following a chance run-in at a Martha Coakley rally - we'll call it a Missed Connection, and perhaps the most terrifying one that has ever existed - the two ladies chatted about income inequality and, probably, the latest iteration of The Bachelor over tea and cookies at Clinton's DC home in secret, as Clinton, apparently, looked to woo the Massachusetts Senator out of the competition. 

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Debbie Wasserman Schultz is so Awesome, She Might Run for Senate

By on 2.17.15 | 3:55PM

Debbie Wasserman Schultz, fresh off her appearance at the 2015 Grammy Awards, thinks she's doing a bang-up job at being part of Florida's Congressional delegation. 

She thinks she's so good, it seems that, later this year, when she inevitably steps down from her position as DNC chair, a job she's done so well that a 2016 nominating convention in Philadelphia will be her crowning achievement, she's considering going from a mere Congressional Representative to being a Senator, after Florida's current, more talented Senator, Marco Rubio, steps down from his role in order to run for President. 

Florida Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, the Democratic National Committee chair, is strongly considering a bid for U.S. Senate, calculating that having Hillary Clinton at the top of the 2016 ticket would help lift her candidacy in a year-of-the-woman campaign.

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Joe Biden Moves In On New SecDef’s Lady

By on 2.17.15 | 3:31PM

How can we expect newly minted Secretary of Defense Ash Carter to defend our nation and its freedoms from the incursion of catastrophic elements if he can't even defend his own wife's earlobe from sweet nothings whispered by Vice President Joe Biden?

Apparently, when you're a Cabinet Secretary's wife, you get a free back rub with every swearing in.

If she plays her cards right, I bet he'll take her for a spin in his Trans Am later. They can listen to REO Speedwagon under the stars. 

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White House To Tackle Extremism on Social Media, Just Not that Kind

By on 2.17.15 | 1:02PM

Today, the White House kicks off a three day journey, deep into the bowels of social media, to root out and discuss the origins and spread of extremism in places like Facebook and Twitter. The Social Media Summit will feature officials and experts from 60 countries, and will focus on how social media creates the perfect environment to foster rhetoric that leads to violence and how economically marginalized people are targeted through social media to join up with extremist groups.

Unfortunately, while there is plenty of evidence that terrorists, generally, and ISIS, specifically recruit and network on social media (a friend of mine even had an ISIS fighter comment on a very lovely photo of her dog just recently), the White House will turn the summits attention to more pressing issues in the social media sphere, like how to use celebrities to reach out to communities suffering from terribly high unemployment, and how to make "hastag activism" more effective

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Protesters March On Scott Walker’s Parents Home For Some Reason

By on 2.17.15 | 12:04PM

Yesterday, a group of Wisconsin "college students" (and paid union activists) who should have been studying, celebrated Presidents Day by marching on Scott Walker's Wisconsin home, while shouting a bunch of slogans they must have picked up from their Vietnam Era professors and holding signs demanding that their four-year universities receive more public funding because they simply cannot afford to finance their Native People Gender Studies degrees all on their own.

The rousing group of 100 marched around for hours in the cold, presumably to convince Gov. Walker, by shouting at him, that they deserved more money to fund teachers, so that they could pay dues to their union, so that the union could continue to spend money marching around for hours in the cold shouting for more money. 

Rallying against Gov. Scott Walker’s proposed state budget, more than 100 protesters gathered outside of his Wauwatosa home from about 5:10 to 5:25 p.m. Monday.

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Fed. Court Blocks Executive Amnesty. For Now

By on 2.17.15 | 12:00PM

The Obama White House may be preoccupied with trying to figure out how best to water down Middle Eastern conflicts into mere questions of unemployment, and busy putting together the First Lady's schedule for her whirlwind round of vacations ahead of retirement, but they'll also have to scramble their lawyer corps this morning, as a Federal District Court judge in Texas has issued a temporary injunction on Barack Obama's executive amnesty order

The order will halt execution of any of the program's initiatives, some of which were scheduled to start this week. It could yet be stayed by the Fifth Circuit (even by tonight, if things move really quickly), but for now, the Administration will need to come up with a Plan B. 

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The Obama Watch

If Obama Treated Race As He Treats Islam

By 2.17.15


Well this will be interesting.

The White House has announced that come March 7th President Obama will travel to Selma, Alabama, to mark the 50th anniversary of “Bloody Sunday” — the famous civil rights march that ended with a savage attack by 100 Alabama state police under the control of Democratic Governor George Wallace. The marchers — some 600 African-Americans on their way to Montgomery to demand voting rights — had to cross the Alabama River over the Edmund Pettus Bridge. The state police major in charge was sought out to discuss the situation by Southern Christian Leadership Conference leader Hosea Williams. The response: “There is no word to be had… you have two minutes to turn around and go back to your church.” The marchers kept marching and within minutes they were attacked by horseback riding cops and slammed with tear gas. As noted at the African-American registry: “The incident was seen on national television while 16 marchers ended up in the hospital and another 50 received emergency treatment.”

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Boehner Not Worried About DHS Shutdown

By on 2.16.15 | 1:26PM

I'm about to embark on a West Coast jaunt, so naturally, Congress is about to make travel slightly more difficult and confusing by hanging the Department of Homeland Security's fate in the balance twoards the end of the month. Now, granted, the TSA will still get more than the required funding necessary to paw through my unmentionables in front of a handful of weary travelers at an ungodly morning hour, but I'm sure that, by the end of next week, literally everyone will be losing their respective minds over the prospect of DHS losting its funding, rendering the general public even less capable of handling basic instructions like put your shoes directly on the conveyor belt.

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Justice Ginsburg Was Drunk At the State of the Union

By on 2.13.15 | 11:56AM

Traditionally, the Supreme Court justices have a communal dinner before the State of the Union, probably because, in any given year, with any given President, at least one of them has to be wasted in order to endure the whole State of the Union speech. There are dangers, of course - an unintentional, alcohol-inspired utterance could mean having to recuse yourself from a controversial case - but all of those drawbacks are, no doubt, erased by the promise of a nice California white.

This year, the dinner's victim was unexpected, at least in light of the speech's content. Turns out, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg - the Notorious RBG - wasn't napping during Obama's SOTU speech this year, when the camera caught her head bobbing down to her bejeweled collar. She was just drunk as a skunk.

In a lighthearted moment before an audience at George Washington University in Washington, D.C., Thursday night, the 81-year-old Ginsburg cracked up telling the story that she “wasn’t 100 percent sober” before going to the State of the Union.

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