Politics

Valerie Jarrett Has a Burn Book

By on 11.12.14 | 4:08PM

To start, I don't think that Valerie Jarrett is the President's real problem. Everyone has that sycophantic friend that they call on to reassure them that it's okay, when you know it's not. Like when you ned someone to tell you that that red dress you bought that's two sizes too small doesn't make you look like you've been eating nothing but Krispy Kremes for a month, and that it doesn't really matter that you had to walk home barefoot Sunday morning with your panties balled up in your purse. Not that either of those things has ever happened to me. But the point is, every girl's got a friend with low self-esteem that helps them repair their psyche and pick up 8's on Tindr.

Valerie Jarrett is that kind of person, either to Michelle or to Barack Obama. The apparent problem with Valerie Jarrett is that, unlike other people who have these types of friends, the Obamas seem to have given her real power, and have now reached a point where she exacts too much influence within their inner circle. And, consequently, instead of using her flattery to temporarily rebuild their self-image following a devastating defeat, they've started to believe her hype. 

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GOP Unseats Begich in Alaska, Picks Up Senate Seat #8

By on 11.12.14 | 12:36PM

The GOP bloodbath from last Tuesday has finally swept north. Last night Alaska finished counting all of its absentee ballots, and GOP Senate candidate Dan Sullivan was declared the winner, unseating Demcratic incumbent Mark Begich by around 8,000 votes. This is the GOP's 8th Senate pickup. 

Republican U.S. Senate candidate Dan Sullivan defeated Sen. Mark Begich, the Democratic incumbent, in Alaska’s U.S. Senate race Wednesday – a win that gives the GOP eight Senate pickups in the midterm elections.

The Republican Party also is seeking a ninth seat in Louisiana’s runoff in December.

Sullivan ran a confident campaign, ignoring the debate schedule Begich established and setting his own terms.

He pledged to fight federal overreach, talked about energy independence and, at seemingly every opportunity, sought to tie Begich to President Barack Obama and Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid, who are unpopular in Alaska.

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How Do You Solve a Problem Like Executive Amnesty?

By on 11.11.14 | 3:39PM

According to President Obama, who is recovering from his sound defeat at the ballot box by insisting that people who didn't vote support him, and therefore he has a mandate from a majority of Americans who would rather watch Lifetime movies and eat Cheet-os than make decisions about their elected leadership, has said that if Congress does not pass immigration reform by the end of the year, he'll pass it himself, traditional Constitutional limitations on Executive authority be damned.

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Dems Calling MSNBC To Find Out About President Obama

By on 11.11.14 | 1:08PM

The President has gone underground, at least as far as Congressional Democrats are concerned. 

While they were once such good friends, now, it turns out, he never calls, he never writes, he never sends flowers, and he most certainly never appraises them of his legislative agenda. According to MSNBC this morning, Congressional Democrats have actually be calling the cable news station, just in case their sources at the White House has heard something they haven't.

How terribly sad. I bet the Senate Democrats get lonely in their little offices, just pining away for a phone call from the President. It's almost too much to bear. 

The funny thing is, the White House still wonders why Congressional Democrats didn't run on the President's agenda. Considering this new information, it might not even be that they disagreed with it. It might be because they just didn't know what the hell was going on.

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Political Hay

Ted Cruz Wins: The Shutdown Worked

By 11.11.14

“There is no possibility of a government shutdown. Remember me? I’m the guy that gets us out of government shutdowns,”
— Soon-to-be-Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to Time magazine

The lefties over at Think Progress were elated.

It was September 30, 2013, and they thought they had the GOP right where they wanted it as Texas Senator Ted Cruz plowed ahead with the idea of defunding Obamacare — an action that caused Democrats to promptly shut down the government — and blame not just Cruz but the Republican Party. The whole event was giving prominent Republicans in and out of office the political willies. 

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Joe Biden is Calling Children in Iowa Now

By on 11.10.14 | 4:55PM

The 2016 campaign has officially begun, and let it be known that Joe Biden is the first to start officially contacting voters ahead of the Iowa caucus. 

Apparently, Joe Biden has a rabid 3-year-old fan in Iowa who likes to talk to her imaginary friend, also Joe Biden, on her fake plastic cell phone. Considering that her parents might be potential participants in the caucus system, Joe Biden decided to give his number one fan in middle America a real, live, phone call last Wednesday.

Avery's grandmother, Becky Burke, posted a message on Joe Biden's White House website eight months ago telling him about his young fan. She never gave it a second thought until her phone rang Wednesday night.

"He said 'This is Joe Biden' and I said, 'Who the hell is this?’ And he said, 'This is Joe Biden,' and I said, 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I said that to you," Burke said.

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Clay Aiken’s Donors Feel Duped by Reality Show Campaign

By on 11.10.14 | 12:39PM

There are two things to take from this FrontiersLA article. One, that Clay Aiken was still collecting money for his failing campaign at the end of September, at homes of the Hollywood less-than-elite (apparently, he couldn't excite Gwyneth Paltrow, so he had to settle for the support of a correspondent for Extra). And two, no one who attended any of his LA fundraisers knew that they were being taped for a reality show, because they were under the impression that Clay Aiken was a serious candidate for Congress. 

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Obamacare Architect Says Law Passed Because You’re All Stupid

By on 11.10.14 | 12:02PM

We learned on Friday that the Supreme Court will take up an appeal from the Fourth Circuit in the case of King v. Burwell, even though there's no split between the circuits on how to handle Obamacare's subsidies, when they're handed out to people in a state that doesn't set up their own Obamacare insurance exchange. The crux of that problem? Apparently, Democrats were in such a hurry to pass the legislation before anyone read it, that they failed to read it themselves, resulting in some unclear language that might not pass Constitutional muster: they limited the subsidies, allowing them to only apply to participants in state exchanges. According to Obamacare's architect Jonathan Gruber, that was totally just a typo.

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Politics

The #WaronWomen is over—and we won

By 11.7.14

Republicans are jubilant after their electoral victories Tuesday night — but it might be that Democratic losses tell a more complete story than GOP gains.

While voters almost uniformly backed conservative candidates, they also supported ballot measures out of sync with the traditional Republican party platform. Sure, marijuana legalization — which passed in the nation’s capital and in Oregon — can be chalked up to a rise in libertarians (me included), lurking at the margins of the GOP like the outsiders we’ve been since high school. But voters also approved non-binding hikes in the minimum wage in four states and three major cities. That’s hardly a hardline conservative position. So what gives? 

The easy answer is that Americans are, on the whole, idiots, who tune into elections at the last possible moment, when they simply can’t avoid it any longer. Hence the increase in television commercials the last two weeks, as the parties compete to see who can more effectively convince voters that the other guys are more likely to murder their grandmother, child, puppy, or cable television package — whichever they might find more important.

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And The First Republican Contender for 2016 Is…Ben Carson

By on 11.6.14 | 3:55PM

It starts, not with a bang, but with a forty minute documentary about Dr. Ben Carson.

Yes, the 2016 race for the White House has already gotten started -- and it looks like Dr. Ben Carson is first in the ring.

Carson, a famous pediatric neurosurgeon and conservative political star, will air a nearly 40 minute-long ad introducing himself to the American people this weekend, an aide to Carson confirms to ABC News.

The documentary titled “A Breath of Fresh Air: A New Prescription for America” will air in 22 states and Washington, DC. The paid video will detail some of his biography and family life, including his rise from being born to a single mother with a poor childhood in Detroit to director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins for almost 40 years, known for his work separating conjoined twins, to potential 2016 presidential candidate.

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