Politics

DOJ Collecting Your ‘Right-Wing’ Social Media Posts

By on 6.1.15 | 3:02PM

One of the primary contentions, yesterday evening, of Establishment Republicans and Democrats in defense of the NSA's massive data collection program, was that the program was not only free from abuse (something we know is not true), but that it's ultimately useful in targeting real threats to the American people; maybe not yesterday, maybe not today, but perhaps some day in the future it will ensnare an entire sleeper sell of Jihadists mid-phone call to Iran, giving an unsecured credit card number to their yellowcake suppliers. The data collection, you see, is done only on those whose backgrounds demand it. If you've done nothing wrong? Then why worry that your cell phone data records are stored on a massive supercomputer in Utah, where they can be routinely downloaded and searched?

Lindsey Graham Declares for President

By on 6.1.15 | 12:21PM

Its only Monday and already this is a great week for Lindseys.

Lindsay Lohan will wake up this morning to her first-ever full week off probation in eight years, and Lindsey Graham, who has committed to torturing us and himself with his ambitions, has declared that he will be one of the many Republicans competing for the Presidential nomination in the fall of next year. Now, while Lindsay Lohan will be spending her day completing her community service requirement, teaching a number of very unlucky children at a day school in Manhattan, Lindsey Graham will spend the day pressing the flesh in his home state of South Carolina, reminding everyone that he is ready to be Commander-in-Chief on day one.

"I’m pretty sure no one here, including me, ever expected to hear me say, 'I’m Lindsey Graham, and I’m running for president of the United States,'" he told a cheering crowd in Central, South Carolina.

PATRIOT Act Expires, But Debate is Just Beginning

By on 6.1.15 | 11:00AM

I would have written this last night except that I was engrossed in a horde of ice zombies attacking a bunch of escaping villagers (until I realized I had switched over from CSPAN and was actually watching Game of Thrones and not the Establishment GOP and the Obama Administration wailing and gnashing their teeth over the temporarily lost power to infringe on the rights of American citizens in the name of national security). 

Will Rand Paul End the PATRIOT Act?

By on 5.31.15 | 7:09PM

I feel a little about this filibuster the way I did about the Blackhawks playing in game 7 last night against the Anaheim Ducks: I'm so nervous I can't watch. Tonight, as I try to avoid talking about privacy and security issues by immersing myself in Game of Thrones, Sen. Rand Paul will launch a last-ditch effort to derail a rote authorization of the PATRIOT ACT, in an effort to delete or delay the approval of the NSA's bulk cellular data collection programs and other violations of Americans' privacy.

R.I.P. Beau Biden

By on 5.31.15 | 6:47PM

Last night, tragedy struck the Biden family as Beau Biden, the 46 year old son of Vice President Joe Biden passed away after a quiet battle with brain cancer. Beau Biden, the former Delaware Attorney General, Iraq War veteran and survivor of the crash that killed Joe Biden's young wife and daughter, leaves behind a wife and two children. 

Joseph "Beau" Biden III, an Iraq War veteran who served as the attorney general of Delaware and was a son of Vice President Joe Biden, died Saturday at age 46, the White House said in a statement.

He died after battling brain cancer, according to the vice president's office.

"Beau Biden was, quite simply, the finest man any of us have ever known," his father wrote in a statement.

Biden had suffered known health problems dating back to 2010, when he experienced a stroke that did not affect his motor skills or speech.

Our hearts and prayers go out to the Vice President and his family at this difficult time.

DOD Spent Millions on Strippers and Booze

By on 5.29.15 | 3:02PM

The next time you ponder the defense budget, consider, beyond that they pay a ridiculous sum for things like toilet seats and hammers, that the people who get the DOD company credit card have some really fun weekends without you. Demand, as a taxpayer, that the next time they ask for a budget increase, or whine in front of a Joint Committee that they're going to have to force the brass sections of their marching bands to busk for cash in Dupont Circle, that they could have just avoided these problems by paying for their strippers with their own cold, hard cash.

According to Judicial Watch documents released today, the DOD has spent millions over the last several years in casinos, strip clubs and other exotic locales, as persons holding DOD corporate credit cards have used them to make personal — sometimes very personal — charges.

Obama Has Lost the Obama ‘Hope’ Poster Guy

By on 5.29.15 | 1:50PM

Somehow, despite all available evidence that there might be something odd about the overwrought media persona popping up around then-candidate Barack Obama in 2008, people are still, slowly, bizarrely, discovering that "campaign Barack" was a carefully crafted facade cocooning a mediocre public official. Celebrities have been abandoning the President as they've discovered he has a less-than-serious commitment to the kind of progressive ideals they all love and cherish. Progressives themselves have become so disillusioned with the reality of the Obama Administration, they're lining up behind Bernie Sanders.

Hillary Clinton Spends a Lot of Cash on Pantsuits

By on 5.29.15 | 12:56PM

This morning, we learned that Bill Clinton won't accept an award from your organization unless you also offer him a cool half million for the Clinton Foundation — and it doesn't matter if your organization is doing the Lord's work of helping victims of the Indonesian tsunami, either, as supermodel Petra Nemcova found out when she tried to book the former President for her Happy Hearts Fund benefit, and offering him a lifetime achievement award that you present. In order to gladly and generously accept an award for his years of service to the cause of global relief, Bill Clinton wouldn't set foot on the stage for less than a $500,000 donation to a family fund that mostly keeps his family in posh NYC penthouses.

Bernie Sanders Is a ‘Rape Culture’ All on His Own

By on 5.28.15 | 4:31PM

In keeping with the way we journalists are supposed to write about sexual assault nowadays, I'm going to say in advance of the rest of this piece, these two words: trigger warning. Now, I'm not saying that in order to steel your backbone against the disgusting and potentially disturbing content I am about to deliver to you, lest you suffer mental distress; I'm saying that in order to steel your backbone against the fact that it's all coming from Bernie Sanders, and the very thought of "Bernie Sanders" and "fantasy" in the same sentence makes my ladyparts crawl up into my intestines a little bit and it will no doubt have a similar effect on you. If you're lucky. I assume you'll also have night terrors.

Rick Santorum Dumps the Duggars

By on 5.28.15 | 4:01PM

Rick Santorum has decided to inflict himself, yet again, on our fair nation, running for President a third (I think) time. Now, while I'm not entirely certain what America did to deserve such an honor, clearly God is trying to punish us for some string of transgressions, because otherwise, His chosen candidate, Santorum, would have long ago retired to head up a DC-based family-focused think tank or sell panini presses on late night television.

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