Culture

Vladimir Putin Decides Everyone is Mean, Leaves G20 Early

By on 11.17.14 | 1:08PM

Vladimir Putin went to the G20 thinking that he wasn't going to have to do much except sit in a comfortable chair with his fingers tented like a Bond villain, as other countries discussed their economic inter-relationship and possible locations for that Olympics no one wants to host that might end up in Kazakhstan. But then Chelsea Handler made it awkward.  And then Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada, made it super awkward. As did David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. And despite Vladimir Putin's best efforts at soundlessly communicating his global position of being one needlessly high-tech underwater sea base away from launching a satellite to control Earth's weather, the other leaders seemed oddly unafraid.

Katie Couric Names Chelsea Clinton “Mother of the Year” After Six Weeks of Motherhood

By on 11.17.14 | 12:53PM

Sure, other mothers who are famous for no discernible reason have been slacking off in the "setting a good example" department of late. Mama June has been dating a sex offender, who is also a former boyfriend, who apparently molested one of her kids, but not the kid he fathered, one of her other kids fathered by a different sex offender. I think. It's hard to keep it straight. And Kim Kardashian photoshopped herself into our hearts and minds, causing an entire nation of people minor psychological damage.

But there are lots of mothers out there, thousands of them, in fact, who might deserve the title of "Mother of the Year." Aside from her massive optical contribution to her own mother's potential Presidential campaign, I can't really see how Chelsea Clinton, mother of six-week-old Charlotte, can grab that title without a fight.

The media love affair with the Clintons continued when Katie Couric interviewed former first-daughter Chelsea Clinton this week for Yahoo News.

Are You Ready for “Ted Cruz Saves America”?

By on 11.13.14 | 4:39PM

Last year, Really Big Coloring Books, a pre-eminent coloring book publisher, debuted it's Cruz to the Future coloring book for all of those hardcore Republican pre-schoolers on your list (or, of course, for any liberal family members who needed a more easily-understandable explanation of Cruz's popularity). It was so susccessful, apparently, that Really Big Coloring Books is about to issue a sequel, an eight-page supplement entitled Ted Cruz Saves America.

The children’s coloring book on Ted Cruz was so popular that the publisher is out with an addition.

Ted Cruz Saves America is an eight-page supplement to the original that came out last year by Really Big Coloring Books. Publisher Wayne Bell said the addendum was inspired by the reception to Cruz to the Future, which was the No. 1 best-selling children’s coloring book on Amazon for about 20 weeks.

“This book was so wildly crazy popular,” Bell told USA TODAY. “Some parents consider this man a real superhero.”

Chuck Hagel Lost Epic Battle With Kitchen Cabinet

By on 11.13.14 | 12:45PM

That's right, America. Our illustrious Defense Secretary, Chuck Hagel, was seriously injured in a fight with a piece of wood.

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel might want to stay out of the kitchen for a while.

Hagel showed up Tuesday at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C. sporting a huge bandage on his face after a "minor kitchen mishap."

That "mishap" involved a kitchen cabinet, and the cabinet clearly won.

Lucky for the cabinet, it caused no permanent damage. Otherwise, we might have written it a secret letter, asking for it's cooperation in the Middle East.

The Dems Spent $700K Flying the Clintons Around

By on 11.12.14 | 12:58PM

Even though Hillary Clinton came out of her 50,000-mile Quixotic quest with less wins in her corner than Sarah Palin stacks up in one election cycle alone, the Democratic party may have spent three quarters of a million dollars jetting her from state to state, trying to use Hillary's electric personality and Bill's hypnotic speaking voice to boost their candidates. And those are just the early estimates. Since some of the campaigns have yet to finish filing expenditures, the Clintons' bill could top $1 million.

Bill and Hillary Clinton were the most sought after surrogates in the Democratic Party this year. He campaigned for more than 47 candidates. She for more than 26. Supporters estimate that, together, the Clintons headlined 75 rallies and fundraisers — and logged roughly 50,000 miles jetting from state to state.

When the Clintons travel, they fly private. This year, their airfare cost candidates at least $699,000, available state and federal campaign finance reports show.

Megyn Kelly Says What We’re All Thinking About Mike Huckabee

By on 11.11.14 | 3:59PM

I kind of love her. 

The former Arkansas governor was most recently in the news when he threatened to leave the GOP over growing national support for gay marriage, which is, quite honestly, not an argument against the growing support of gay marriage. Since most of his followers consider themselves GOP, so far, he hasn't followed through on his promise to burn his party loyalty card.

Megyn Kelly says she feels bad about the incident, but she shouldn't. She was just saying what we've all been secretly saying for years. 

Thanks. I Wouldn’t Be An American Without You.

By on 11.11.14 | 11:57AM

American veterans don't just secure freedom for Americans.

All of Your Internets Belong to Barack Obama Now

By on 11.10.14 | 3:11PM

The President has decided to heed the message voters gave to the Democratic Party last week and will now work with Republicans to implement a common-sense policy agenda that includes a reasonable approach to Internet bandwidth questions currently in front of the FCC.

Ha! No. After his outburst on immigration this morning - that he'll pass it by executive order if Congress doesn't pass it's own version before years end (which he'll probably veto anyway) - Barack Obama decided to announce, while in China of all places, that he intends to control your Internet, which is great news, if you're a fan of how the government typically runs, well, anything. Of course, the FCC, which is handling the policy, is an independent organization that the President cannot control unless he's hired his own Comcast lobbyist, but that seems to make absolutely no difference as far as he's concerned. 

You Are Not Rid of Clay Aiken Yet, America

By on 11.6.14 | 3:04PM

He may have come in second, yet again, in his bid to win hearts and minds, but make no mistake: Clay Aiken is not done with you yet, America. He may have lost American Idol. He may have lost Celebrity Apprentice. He may have lost North Carolina's 2nd Congressional district. He may have even lost all your respect as a human being. But he's not going to lose your attention.

If you have Esquire network, that is. Turns out, the Clay Aiken has reality television cameras with him throughout his entire campaign, and Esquire network is going to broadcast the good, the bad, the ugly and, I assume, the loss, in a four-part "docu-series." 

Esquire Network will go behind the scenes of Clay Aiken's failed congressional bid with a new docuseries.

The NBCUniversal-owned cable network announced late Tuesday — following Aiken's defeat in North Carolina — that camera crews have been documenting the American Idol alum's bid for a seat in the House.

Barack Obama Fires Back…At Michael Jordan

By on 11.5.14 | 12:37PM

This administration has priorities

He might be ignoring the results of last night's election, but President Obama is not going to let Michael Jordan's hurtful comments about his golf game slide right by. Seems that, while he might not be concerned about how Americans feel about his agenda, he wants to make sure they know how to feel about his prowess on the links.

Obama was talking with Wisconsin radio station WJMR -- when he was asked about the shots MJ took during an interview with Ahmad Rashad ... when he called B.O. a "sh**ty golfer."

"Mike and I, we know each other but I've never played golf with him," Obama said ... "Michael wasn't very well informed about this, I think he might've just been trying to give Ahmad an extra ratings boost on his show."

Obama continued, "But there is no doubt that Michael is a better golfer than I am. Of course if I was playing twice a day for the last 15 years, then that might not be the case."

"He might want to spend more time thinking about the Bobcats ... or the Hornets."

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