We Need to Talk About the White House Easter Photo

By on 4.6.15 | 4:49PM

This is what the White House put on social media to celebrate Easter. Now, I know, every holiday, obituary and random event must, by law, be celebrated by this President with a photo of himself. 

But what on God's green Earth is happening here?

I feel like this is a poster for a depressingly dark independent "comedy" film I will never see, about a man and a giant imaginary bunny, sort of like Willard, but without the quality writing and with questionable casting choices. Does he see the bunny? Does he know its there? Is it really Joe Biden, performing the single most important duty of his Vice Presidency? Is this all a gloriously complicated scheme that will eventually be revealed to be the dawn of the New Order? 

My money's on Biden.

People Angry About Legislation Take It Out on Pizzeria

By on 4.2.15 | 12:41PM

I had this brilliant idea for an article yesterday, where I was going to talk about how the fight over Indiana's RFRA was a horrible example of how we've regressed into a perpetual childlike state as a country. Someone doesn't want to bake you a cake? MOOOOOMMMMMY FIX IT. Don't want to bake someone a cake? MOOOOOOOMMMY FIX IT. What would have once been resolved with a curt but polite personal exchange that resulted in both parties getting what they wanted, but coming away slightly miffed at the other party, is now a battle of legislative and judicial wills, with one party running to unelected judges to declare their will sacrosanct, and the other party running to overbearing legislators to declare their protection.

Special Report

The Herod Procedure: After Birth Abortion Arrives

By 3.31.15

You could call it “The Herod Procedure.” In case you missed?

This was the headline and lengthy sub-headline in London’s Daily Telegraph:  

Killing babies no different from abortion, experts say

Parents should be allowed to have their newborn babies killed because they are “morally irrelevant” and ending their lives is no different to abortion, a group of medical ethicists linked to Oxford University has argued.

Yes, you read that right. Here’s the opening of the story:

The article, published in the Journal of Medical Ethics, says newborn babies are not “actual persons” and do not have a “moral right to life.” The academics also argue that parents should be able to have their baby killed if it turns out to be disabled when it is born.

Clinton Musical to Premiere Off Broadway

By on 3.30.15 | 1:57PM

Are you ready for Clinton: The Musical, America? 

Well, tough. It's happening whether you like it or not. This spring, two Australian playwrights are bringing the former First Family to the American theater scene, allowing you to pay actual money to relive the 1990s in all of its terrible, Clinton-y glory. 

The cast of characters includes Dick Morris, Newt Gingrich, Monica Lewinsky and former Clinton special prosecutor Kenneth Starr, who sings "A Starr Is Born" and "Sexual Relations." There's a dancing press corps and music that takes you back to Celine Dion, Hanson and the Spice Girls.

"It really does its job of taking down America and uplifting it at the same time, in a weird sort of way," said Dan Knechtges, the Tony Award-nominated director and choreographer. "Nothing is sacred."

Two men will play the 42nd president — one a wholesome, intelligent Clinton, and another a randy, rogue one (Tom Galantich and Duke Lafoon share the task.) Only Hillary can see both.

Head of Womens Health Conglomerate Unsure How Insurance Works

By on 3.26.15 | 11:52AM

This week marked the fifth anniversary of Obamacare, and while some of us celebrated by spending hours on the phone with an insurance company rectifying a double charge because they can't keep track of their billing, and Ted Cruz celebrated by availing himself of the system in order to get an inside look at the exchange that's making everyone's lives a terrible place, the head of Planned Parenthood, Cecile Richards, celebrated by reminding America that they now give a ton of money to her organization involuntarily.

This is true now more than ever, as thanks to an "equality" provision in the Affordable Care Act, men and women now pay the same rates for insurance, despite the fact that women, on the whole, cost more to insure, most notably because many of them have working uteruses that produce living children. In return, yes, women can now celebrate the opportunity to pay to care for prostates they don't have and Viagra prescriptions they probably won't need, but let's not get too far from the point in question: ACA was very, very good to Planned Parenthood.

The Tyranny of “Un-Feminist Underwear”

By on 3.24.15 | 1:15PM

Are you sick and tired of being attractive? Does the idea of having a fulfilling love life not appeal to you in any way? Are you always wondering why more underwear designers aren't willing to accommodate the unruly body hair that accompanies your firm commitment to your feminist ideas? 

Well, your time has come, underserved ladies of the Internet. Thanks to the generousity of the Internet, if you face these and other feminism-related problems where your lingerie is concerned, there's now a company that has you covered. Literally. It's called "Neon Moon," and it makes underthings that are designed to bring out your inner Gender Studies major: by which I mean they are specifically designed without any real support or purpose, other than to be unattractive to men

Rather than burning her bra, an entrepreneur fed up with 'sexualised' underwear in stores was inspired to design her own range that suited her feminist ideals.

Barack Obama Picks Kentucky Over Villanova in NCAA Tourney

By on 3.18.15 | 4:01PM

Barack Obama has an unfortunate history of picking losers in the NCAA tournament.  He hasn't picked the tournament winner correctly since selecting North Carolina 2009 (last year he picked Michigan State to meet Louisville in the final and neither made it past the Elite Eight), but regardless, literally every year ESPN devotes an entire segment, called "Barack-etology" to his picks. 

If you, like me, had Kentucky going all the way this year, well, Barack Obama probably just cursed your bracket. Sorry.

In ESPN’s annual installment of “Barack-etology,” the president made a safe bet on top-seeded Kentucky to win it all, saying, “They are prohibitive favorites and for good reason.”

Mr. Obama put three No. 1 seeds – Kentucky, Villanova and Duke – along with No. 2 seed Arizona in his Final Four. And he projected that Kentucky would prevail over Villanova in the title game.

DOJ Ferguson Report Vindicates Officer Darren Wilson

By on 3.4.15 | 4:14PM

Last week, the DOJ quietly closed the chapter on its investigation of the Ferguson, Missouri incident that sparked protests across the US. Turns out, as with the Zimmerman case in Florida, the DOJ was unable to find any indication that Officer Darren Wilson had violated Michael Brown's civil rights when he confronted and shot Brown in what he claimed to be self-defense following an altercation. 

Was Patricia Arquette’s Wage Equality Speech a Planned Infomercial?

By on 2.23.15 | 5:07PM

As is typical of this sort of "day after a major Hollywood event," you'll be seeing an Oscar recap from me soon enough. You will, no doubt, be impressed with how I deftly handled Patricia Arquette's decision to use her acceptance speech to declare war on America's non-existent wage gap problem, and the audience's fawning response, unaware as they were that they were applauding a lecture on income inequality given by a woman worth a reported $24 million, wearing a dress and jewelry that cost more than most people's homes, and clutching an award she won for being paid hansomely to act like herself in a film.