The Beer Spectator: Prohibition Will Solve All Our Problems

By on 5.30.14 | 3:25PM

And when the headwaiter tasted the water that had become wine without knowing where it came from (although the servers who had drawn the water knew), the headwaiter called the bridegroom

And said to him, “Everyone serves good wine first, and then when people have drunk freely, an inferior one; but you have kept the good wine until now.” 

-John 1:9-10

What’s the Beer Spectator doing quoting the Gospels? Doesn’t he know this is an alcohol column?

Indeed I do. The example of Christ turning water into wine at a wedding for his first miracle actually applies.

The tradition of Western civilization is built upon wine, beer, and the spirits that arise from these creations.

Yet for the past few centuries, some Western governments have sought to block that luxury through prohibition. Even the United States, that bastion of liberty, gave banning the purchase and distribution of alcohol the old college try.

That turned out horrendously. Bathtub gin, Al Capone, the Kennedys, and NASCAR are a few of the byproducts. And let’s not forget about the thousands of deaths resulting from high-proof moonshine and gang killings.

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How Many Ways Can You Kill a Monkey in Space?

By on 5.29.14 | 4:01PM

NASA released its first “Global Selfie,” or as Noelle Swan, staff writer for the Christian Science Monitor, called it, “the shot taken round the world.” The 3.2 gigapixel interactive image is made up of tens of 36,422 individual selfies taken by NASA fans around the world on April 22 in a joint NOAA-NASA project.

The Monitor’s Mark Trumbull quipped: “It’s one small click for a whole lot of men and women, one giant piece of computerized collage for NASA.”

The “Global Selfie” campaign is part of NASA’s attempt to draw attention to its budgetary needs and reignite interest in space exploration. In that vein, NASA has launched a full-throttle social media campaign.

I offer a simple solution to NASA’s PR problem: Send cats into space. Cats are an endless supply of inter-generational, attention-grabbing fuzziness. Imagine zero-G meow machines.

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Flick Story

‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’ Could Have Been Worse

By 5.28.14

I have seen the future, brother, and it is a real bummer. Ahhh, look, X-Men: Days of Future Past could be much worse than it is. The last two adventures of Marvel's Merry Mutants were execrable; this one is merely doughily pointless. X-Men: The Last Stand was like watching your big brother break your favorite toys. X-Men: First Class was more like watching somebody else's awful, sticky children have a slap fight in a sandbox, except with the Cuban Missile Crisis going on as well.

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Mad Men Wraps First Half of Final Season

By on 5.27.14 | 6:03PM

Spoilers ahead.

Mad Men continues to produce engaging storylines despite a complete lack of explosions, violence, and over-the-top sexuality. The first half of the final season wrapped up this past Sunday and it is no different in this regard. Show creator Matthew Weiner has made the relatively mundane fascinating. Much like Don's pitch in this episode "Waterloo," every great TV show has a great story. 

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Newly Engaged? Be Prudent

By on 5.27.14 | 5:01PM

A couple of years ago, I visited Istanbul with my extended family. I remember the blue roughs of the Bosphorus Strait and the oppressive humidity of a summer in Turkey. 

The hotel where I stayed had many conference rooms, along with an outdoor dance floor. For the first two days, they collected dust.

That all changed on the third night, when eight to fifteen limousines pulled up at around 4 p.m. My father asked the bellhop what was going on. “A wedding,” he responded.

We later discovered that Turkish weddings range from 200 to 400 guests. That’s normal.

I’ve never been to a wedding of that size. However, I do understand the desire for such an expensive affair: the initiation of permanence.

Stephen Marche, blogging for Esquire, criticizes the American “wedding industrial complex” in one of his latest posts. According to Marche, we spend an average of $15,000 to $30,000 on our ceremonies.

“That shit,” as Marche exclaims, “is completely out of control.”

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Thought Crime Leaps From Colleges to the National Scene

By on 5.27.14 | 4:40PM

Over at the Daily Caller, Scott Greer has written an interesting piece on the spontaneous comments of First Lady Michelle Obama while giving a speech at a high school senior recognition day. According to the transcript provided by the Blaze, the First Lady asked students to “...monitor their older relatives, friends and co-workers for any racially insensitive comments they might make, and to challenge those comments whenever they’re made.”

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Sad End For Young Porn Actress

By on 5.23.14 | 2:22PM

Gawker, the internet's premiere moral vacuum, brings us the tragic story of Alyssa Funke. Ms. Funke, a 19 year old college freshman, took her own life last month after appearing in a pornographic video. Prior to her suicide, Funke had been subjected to rude messages on social media from old high school classmates branding her a prostitute. Her grieving parents blame the unwanted notoriety for her untimely death. From the Gawker piece:

Funke's parents said she had long suffered from depression, but they believe the harassment she faced online played a major role in her decision to kill herself. On a fundraiser page they started to fight cyberbullying, they wrote, "Alyssa like so many other teens was a victim of bully and sadly the bullying lead to her death. Social media has revolutionized the way people bully eachother now days. Now you can say whatever you want and not have to look the person in the face while doing it."

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The Beer Spectator: IPAs vs. Lagers

By on 5.23.14 | 2:18PM

Most American craft breweries make an India Pale Ale. They’re difficult to master, but they allow brewers to distinguish themselves through personalization.  

With the explosive growth of IPAs since the 1990s, it’s easy to forget that craft beer only comprises approximately 8 percent of total beer volume in the U.S. Thus, many who do not follow the craft beer market closely do not realize its accelerating growth.

Those who don’t drink beer, or don’t care to explore any brews outside of the lager category, dismiss or ignore these releases as disgusting or elitist. Indeed, even feminist blog Jezebel, which prides itself on rejecting stereotypes, bills IPA drinkers as bros “rich enough to afford fancy beer.”

These views are errant, as even now the IPA category is expanding back to its birthplace.

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Urbane Dictionary: Merriam-Webster’s Way With Words

By on 5.23.14 | 10:44AM

Merriam-Webster has just announced the words—150 of them—that will be added to the newest edition of their abridged Collegiate Dictionary. Editor Peter Sokolowski says that “many of these new words show the impact of online connectivity to our lives and livelihoods.” I guess this is all part of the way we live now: “hashtag,” “selfie,” and “tweep” are now officially endorsed. Merriam-Webster is always stunt-casting trendy words and phrases, probably in a desperate search for relevance. “Pulchritude” isn’t sexy enough to keep those Collegiates flying off the shelf, after all.

Not all of the newbies are tech-related, though, and some of the new culinary nouns—pepita (“the edible seed of a pumpkin or squash often dried or toasted”)—strike me as useful. Others are bizarre (“turducken”: “a boneless chicken stuffed into a boneless duck stuffed into a boneless turkey”) or disgusting (“poutine”: “a dish of French Fries covered with brown gravy and cheese curds”).

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Opie and Anthony Rip Apart Liberal Censorship

By on 5.22.14 | 11:28AM

Via Rare, and we should mention comedian Jim Norton too, because he has some of the best lines. For work, this is very unsafe:

NORTON: Liberals have become exactly what you hated. You have become exactly the opposite of the conservative religious book-burners of the 40s and the 50s and the 60s. You are it! It has turned completely around. You are the speech repressors. You are the hypersensitive ones. You are the ones who want people fired immediately. You are the ones who call for people’s jobs. You have become what you hated.

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