The Spectacle Blog

Norwegian Nonsense

By on 11.26.13 | 11:12AM

The Norwegian Army, like that of most European countries, is small and feeble. I’m sure it has less firepower than the New Hampshire chapter of Ducks Unlimited. So it’s entirely appropriate that it take on a non-existent enemy, the only kind it is equal to dealing with.

Norwegian military officials this week announced they are putting that country’s warriors (both of them) on a vegetarian diet on Mondays in order to combat (so to speak) global warming.

No, no, no, as Dave Barry has taught us to say, I’m not making this up. “Experts” overseeing the Norwegian military’s diet explain that Private Norquist can no longer enjoy his reindeer burger on Monday because meat is “the most environmentally disrespectful food that soldiers could eat.” Norwegian military spokesman Eystein Kvarving says “the idea is to serve food that is respectful of the environment.” Apparently Kvarving and his colleagues are under the impression that the rising and unruly sea will its own appointed limits keep if Norquist is obliged to keep body and soul together Mondays on tofu and yard clippings.

As the years go by, it gets harder and harder to distinguish between news and Saturday Night Live spoofs. Next to this sort of nonsense, Lewis Carroll wrote documentaries. Clearly someone has been out in the midnight sun too long.

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