The Spectacle Blog

Best Political Poll Results Ever

By on 10.8.13 | 8:35PM

In my years of reading political polls, I have never, ever, ever seen a paragraph as wonderful as this, from a recent Public Policy Polling survey of opinions of Congress versus certain other things:

Americans currently have a higher opinion of witches (46/32), jury duty (73/18) and hemorrhoids (53/31) than Congress. Republicans seem much more accepting of Congress over hemorrhoids compared to other voters -- 41% favored Congress more than the diseases, as oppose to only 25% of Democrats and 27% of Independents.

I'm not sure just what it says about Democrats and Independents that they prefer anal bleeding to a Congressman by a 3:1 ratio, not that Republicans are that far behind in the sentiment. I guess the idea is that you can make a hemorrhoid go away with a tube of cream you can buy for a couple of bucks at Walgreens. If only we could do that with Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi...can someone invent Preparation D? You'd be an instant multi-millionaire

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