The Spectacle Blog

Senate Secret Santas

By on 12.14.11 | 4:42PM

Sen. Al Franken came up with the idea to start a Secret Santa gift exchange among Senators (though his enduring gift to conservatives continues to be his utter ineffectiveness as a legislator). 

We uncover some of the actual gifts which heretofore remained unreported.

Senate Secret Santas
By Asher Embry

Boxer got a ringtone which (with deference) calls her "Ma'am!"
Barbara M. a spa day to enhance her outer glam.
For Stabenow: a way to track a spouse with GPS.
Did Rockefeller get his wish to silence cable press?

Casey got a puzzle but he doesn't have a clue.
Kohl can buy at wholesale, so we skipped him - wouldn't you?
Sanders got his wish to overturn one SCOTUS case.
Schumer got the horse's end that doesn't have a face.

Claire McCaskill got an App to book commercial flights.
Whitehouse got a "Holiday" tree, pre-strung with "Holiday" lights.
Guess who scored 5 bucks a month for life (the "Durbin" fee)?
Kerry's yacht found moorings safe from tax and from the sea.

Did Jim Webb give Dick Blumenthal the Purple Hearts he'd won?
And also make arrangements that Joe Manchin get his gun?
Coons can now unleash his beard to radically grow.
Baucus -- nomination rules which every spouse should know.

Levin -- easy -- membership in Sy's Hair Club for Men.
The Huskers got their Kickback once, now Ben can try again.
And Harry Reid again will hear, despite the harm he's done,
That hopeful prayer from Tiny Tim: "God bless us, every one."

Though playing Secret Santa gives the Senators a thrill,
We know that in the end it's always us who'll foot the bill.

(You can read more of Asher Embry's Political Verse at www.politicalverse.com.)

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