The Spectacle Blog

Baseball to U.S. Senate: Ban Politicians’ Extra-Marital Sex

By on 10.19.11 | 1:17PM

On the day the World Series is to begin, Major League Baseball has responded to the demand from four U.S. Senators that the sport ban its players from chewing tobacco.

The four legislators -- Democrats Dick Durbin of Illinois, Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut, Frank Lautenberg of New Jersey and Tom Harkin of Iowa -- issued their demand yesterday, as seen in this story from Chicago Sun-Times reporter Lyn Sweet. Said the Senators in their letter:

Tomorrow night, an expected 15 million viewers, including many children, will tune in to watch the first game of the series. Unfortunately, as these young fans root for their favorite team and players, they also will watch their on-field heroes use smokeless tobacco products," wrote the Senators. "During the upcoming negotiations over the bargaining agreement, we write to ask that the Major League Baseball Players Association agree to a prohibition on the use of all tobacco products at games and on camera at all Major League ballparks. This would send a strong message to young baseball fans, who look toward the players as role models, that tobacco use is not essential to the sport of baseball.

The response came today from former Commissioner of Baseball Clements "Babe" Yastrzemski III.

The statement immediately caused a stir.

"For decades hundreds of millions of Americans, including many children, have tuned into the news to watch the American political process at work. Unfortunately, as these young Americans root for the party and players the mainstream media insist are their favorites, they have also learned through non-mainstream media sources that their in-office heroes have all too frequently engaged in extra-marital sex," wrote the ex-Commissioner. "During the upcoming elections over who will hold offices in Washington, we here in baseball are calling on all politicians to agree to a prohibition on extra-marital sex and inappropriate behavior while serving in public office in Washington, D.C. This would send a strong message to young Americans, who we are assured by the mainstream media look to liberal politicians in particular as role models, that sex outside marriage is not essential to the conduct of good government."

The ex-Commissioner's suggestion for a mutual agreement was met favorably by the politicians.

In a related development, ESPN fired longtime commentator Max Mercy for quickly dubbing a possible agreement between the four senators and Major League Baseball the "Screw and Chew" rule.

Stay tuned. The Series begins tonight. No word whether the four Senators, all supporters of Obamacare, will be reporting any chewers to the Obamacare police at the Department of Health and Human Services. 

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