The Spectacle Blog

Hillary Woos Warren (And Her Supporters)

By on 4.16.15 | 12:04PM

Hillary Clinton is wooing Elizabeth Warren and her supporters by penning a fawning tribute to the Massachusetts Senator for Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People list.

Hillary begins by likening Warren to Ted Kennedy and the buttering up does not stop there:

Elizabeth Warren never lets us forget that the work of taming Wall Street’s irresponsible risk taking and reforming our financial system is far from finished. And she never hesitates to hold powerful people’s feet to the fire: bankers, lobbyists, senior government officials and, yes, even presidential aspirants.

As I argued earlier in the week, Hillary would rather have Elizabeth Warren running with her than against her. This tribute is aimed as much at Warren's supporters who most likely supported Obama in 2008 as it is at Warren herself. It also represents Hillary's first step towards bestowing Warren as her running mate in 2016.

Clinton Foundation Reorganizes to Keep Foreign Money Flowing

By on 4.16.15 | 11:58AM

Hillary Clinton may be reticent to speak on the subject of foreign policy just yet - she's peppered her rare interactions with actual media with bland policy positions mostly having to do with middle class Americans and favorite burrito proteins - but that might be because the Clinton Foundation is still trying to work out how they're going to accept all that foreign cash while one of their founders is campaigning to be leader of the free world.

Turns out, they're still going to accept the foreign cash, at least as far as six key countries, with whom the US already has relationships, are concerned. Any other foreign national or government looking to have a direct impact on a major Presidential contender's foreign policy should instead donate to the Clinton Global Initiative, which is not directly affiliated with the Clinton Foundation in any way other than being directly affiliated with the Clinton foundation. 

No, seriously.

Hillary Haiku (5-7-5 in 2016!)

By on 4.16.15 | 11:33AM

“Yo, politicos!”
Hillary does Burritos!
Next, she’ll do Fritos

See Hillary’s van!
See mice with mikes, how they ran!
Will voters be fans?

Hill’s van “Scooby-Do”
Luxury travel to you
“23 skidoo!”

“Hill’s too conceited!”
So Republicans tweeted
Race overheated

Hillary’s server
Secure from all observers
Voters desert her?

Hillary ducks questions
Reporter indigestions
Pundit digressions

“Reset” travel miles
Her secretarial wiles
Vlad’s Cheshire-Cat smiles

Travel Officegate
Rose Law Firm records, Filegate
Cattle Futuresgate

Hillary irate
Citizens United grates
First Amendment’s fate?

Sitting in café
For voters no time of day
Hill’s glare: “Not today!”

Could Chafee Chafe Clinton Over Iraq?

By on 4.16.15 | 11:28AM

Although he's still technically in the exploratory stage of a presidential run, former Rhode Island Senator and Governor Lincoln Chafee has for all intents and purposes declared he's making a bid for the White House in an interview with CNN.

Chafee, of course, stands no chance in hell of winning the Democratic Party nomination and he knows it. He's been a Democrat for less than three years and most Democrats outside of Rhode Island probably still think of him as a Republican albeit a very liberal one.

But Chafee has made it clear why he is running: The Iraq War:

That was a moment where the premise for going to Iraq was so false that there were weapons of mass destruction; she didn't do her homework. We live with the ramifications. You may say that's 12 years ago — that's a big motivator for me running. If you show a lack of judgment, lack of doing homework then, what can we expect in the future?"

Al Sharpton Does Not Fully Understand Hunger Strikes

By on 4.15.15 | 5:33PM

In case you've forgotten that people besides Hillary Clinton exist in this world, we're still patiently waiting on Congress to either confirm or rebuff the Obama Administration's nominee to replace Eric Holder as head of the Department of Justice. Loretta Lynch, as expected, does not share the ideological viewpoint of many Republicans that the DOJ should concern itself with enforcing the nation's rules and protecting the nation's citizenry, and less with organizing media events that prolong Al Sharpton's cultural relevance.

Of course, not one to be left out of a situation that could rightly benefit him, and left without a job since families have started requesting that he not use their childrens' deaths as campaign platforms, Al Sharpton surfaced today to protest the Lynch nomination process, allege that lawmakers who are stalling her confirmation are abject racists, and announce that he will undertake a hunger strike, in the vein of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and other civil rights leaders, until Loretta Lynch's DOJ office nameplate is printed and hung.

Man Lands Gyrocopter on Capitol Lawn, Wants Campaign Finance Reform

By on 4.15.15 | 5:04PM

What do you get when you cross Citizens United, an unlawful single-pilot airborne vehicle, the Postal Service and Florida? Apparently, the dude who decided to land his "gyrocopter" on the US Capitol lawn this morning in order to protest the negative influence of money in politics. 

As no one was hurt, and the Secret Service quickly scrambled to tackle the guy (though not too quickly, as I believe they knew he was in a gyrocopter, and that should have been public humiliation enough), feel free to be both completely concerned for the state of mental health treatment in this country, and amused that this is all coming courtesy of America's craziest state. 

The IRS Spent Lots of Cash on Office Furniture and Toys

By on 4.15.15 | 2:27PM

According to a press release from Sen. Orrin Hatch's office, the IRS has spent a boatload of taxpayer money on lots of things it really doesn't need

Now, normally, accusing a government agency of making terrible financial decisions is all in a day's work for Congress, the Inspector General, and political writers who, since Hillary Clinton has halted her ridiculous van tour of Iowa to beg for money from Des Moines donors, but today, being Tax Day, is special. After all, what could possibly make this day better than to see not only what the government is wasting your hard-earned money on, but what the agency charged from extracting it from the very marrow of your bones has been buying with their share. 

Turns out, the list begins with an overpriced stair climber (for use in a building with stairs), and ends with Thomas the Tank Engine.

TSA Agents Fired for Conspiring to Touch Junk

By on 4.15.15 | 2:10PM

Here's a fun fact that you might not have known about the X-ray backscatter machines, that I just learned from this scintillating report of two Denver International Airport TSA agents being canned because they had a conspiracy to pat down the crotches attractive men: the screener who operates the machine is required to enter "male" or "female" into the computer system. If you enter female and the person is actually male, it'll automatically indicate that the person coming through the machine is, well, packing.

Over the course of several months, the two Denver TSA agents in question used this loophole to take survey after survey of vulnerable airline passengers that one of the TSA agents found especially attractive. 

How Many Tsarnaevs Are Out There?

By on 4.15.15 | 12:01PM

It was two years ago today that the joy and merriment of the Boston Marathon was shattered by two explosions which resulted in the deaths of three people and injured hundreds many of whom lost limbs. Boylston Street would be cordoned off for more than a week.

The Tsarnaev brothers were not done there. With plans to travel to New York City and attack Times Square, they ambushed a MIT police officer, carjacked a Chinese national, threw IEDs at authorities, nearly killed an MBTA police officer before Tamerlan Tsarnaev lost his life. Dzokhar Tsarnaev would be taken into custody and last week was convicted in federal court on all 30 counts. The jury will begin determining whether he should spend the rest of his life in prison or be executed on April 21st, a day after this year's Marathon. 

Even if Tsarnaev no longer poses a threat we still face the danger of Islamic extremists planning attacks on American soil.

Admin Officially Removes Cuba from State Sponsors of Terror List

By on 4.14.15 | 5:04PM

The Obama Administration announced today that, as part of its ongoing "normalization" of America's relationship with Cuba, that we will officially drop Cuba off of the "SSOT" list, or the "State Sponsors of Terrorism" list. 

According to Wikipedia, Cuba was placed on the list in March of 1982 and remained there because if its support for FARC, the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, and ETA, the Basque Fatherland and Liberty movement in Spain. Cuba has maintained, publicly, that its support for armed revolution in other parts of the world is a thing of the past, but until recently, the Castro regime has sheltered members of both FARC and ETA. Although it allowed the TSA to view its airports late last year, it also does not particupate in any anti-terrorism measures or anti-terrorism task forces, raising speculation that terrorists from other parts of the world have used or could use Cuba to enter the U.S.

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