The American Spectator

This morning, while scanning the headlines, I brushed over discussions of Syrian weapons stockpiles and the jaw-dropping stupidity that compelled a candidate for the US Senate to parse the definition of “legitimate” rape.

Rather, I latched on to a Bloomberg TV piece regarding Paul Ryan’s college days – the crystalline lens of journalistic integrity undoubtedly focused on the issues that matters most. The video opened with a narrative head-fake…a scenic shot of the idyllic Miami University Economics Department building, (where Paul Ryan was “taught that man is a rational actor…”) cuts to the façade of the Delta Tau Delta house (where Ryan learned “that man is also a social animal.”)

Cue all applicable “Animal House” scenes.

I expected an editorialized historiography of late-night debauchery and medieval hazing. What I got was a two minute indictment of “Paul Ryan: Pencil Necked Geek?” His fraternity was portrayed as sporting a “student government” reputation…more “popped collar” than “campus Casanova.” The sort of “nice guys” a gal would like to split a sundae with.

Oh, did I mention the piece was titled “Paul Ryan’s College Frat House: Nerds or Cool Kids?” Clearly, this is the sort of steel-toed journalism our American civitas deserves in the run-up to a historic November election.

The takeaway line from this hard-hitting expose was a rival frat guy stating “They try really hard to be ‘fratty’, as they say […] I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody in DTD with a hot girlfriend.”

The piece ended on the hunt for “beefcake” shots of the would-be Veep, and a promise to explore “secret rooms, secret rituals and how much time Ryan spent in the library.”  

To quote the dek from Ross’s great column, yesterday, “…anything to avoid dealing with the substance of the Ryan/Romney ticket.”

I understand August is dead weight in the news year, but absent any discernible “news” (the fraternity, itself, was booted off campus in 2000 and has since been re-branded, socially) this piece is my personal front runner for the most inane story of the year.