I just saw a typical protest march in some Arab country on the news. I think it was Jordan, but it could have been Tunisia; I tend to get them all mixed up. I was late to the report, so I don’t know what they were protesting, but it matters not. That lot are always angry. They scream like someone just raised their taxes. They elbow each other. And if the police didn’t contain them, they would likely eat someone alive without even bothering to cook them first. Even when their countries manage to stay peaceful for a time, most of them don’t experience that same peace in their souls. They always seem as though they have just been stung on a testicle by a wasp. 

I’m sure you have occasionally seen an imam preaching in a mosque. There are thousands of such videos on the internet. It is indeed very rare to see an imam instructing his people without raising his voice. The body language is aggressive even if you don’t actually understand anything he says. Sometimes, it is even more aggressive when you do understand it. When I have watched them on occasion, I have caught myself muttering under my breath: Dude, why don’t you calm down a little? Have you tried enjoying life? Even when preaching about how one should love one’s brothers, they speak with such vehemence that it’s unclear whether to love thy neighbor or headbutt him. 

Every time an Islamist attack occurs in Europe — lately, almost daily — some cretin always jumps up to say: “All religions are to blame for this. They all bring about violence.” And I feel like reminding them that the religion that has caused the most violence so far is secularism, but they would not understand. In any case, I am amazed at the progressive Western mentality that, in the face of a jihadist attack, decides to condemn Christianity as if we Christians were also hell-bent on trying to behead babies in suburban Parisian parks. 

I’m not attempting to present a theological confrontation between Islam and Christianity. Michel Houellebecq already did that, and he now lives with a permanent police escort — undeniable proof that Islam is so much more peaceful than Christianity, just as some leftists claim. On the contrary, my thesis is that Christianity is much more fun, even for those who are cultural Christians living on the fringes of religion. You will always have a better time if you have a Christian nearby.

This article is taken from The American Spectator’s latest print magazine. Subscribe to receive the entire magazine.

Every morning, I thank God for giving me the Christian faith because I love being part of a religion whose leader’s first action was to bless wine. Muslims, I’m sure you know, are forbidden alcohol, gambling, tobacco, and pork. Come to think of it, no wonder they are so bitter.

And then there is sharia, the Islamic law, which is already enforced in several European neighborhoods not even the police can enter. In Berlin, for example, these no-go zones are a horror for women. Often, even wearing the Islamic veil and lowering one’s eyes when passing by a man does not save a woman from being insulted or threatened — simply because she is wearing a little eye shadow. In these places, polygamy is rampant. This might also explain the general moodiness: in Christian marriage, it is almost impossible to keep your cool while trying to keep things right with your wife. Now, imagine three wives complaining in unison because you left your underpants hanging on the TV again. 

As for me, I could not be prouder to practice a religion whose third commandment is crystal clear: “Thou shalt keep holy the Lord’s day.” If Hunter Biden had tried to create his own religion, he could not have found a more fitting commandment. Somehow, not celebrating certain holidays might even constitute a sin in Christianity. Isn’t that fabulous? 

Even our Lenten fast is much more bearable than Ramadan, whose Arabic etymology already hints that you are not going to have a good time: ar-ramad means “scorching heat.” During the thirty days of Ramadan, poor Muslims cannot eat, drink, or have sex from sunrise to sunset; some cannot have sex even after sundown, and that’s where the problems begin. Nor can they consume anything that enters the body through the mouth, but, on advice from my cardiologist, I will not expand on this part of the tenet.

By contrast, my Christian Lent consists of a fairly reasonable slimming diet that also, if you make a little effort, buys you front-row tickets in Heaven for all eternity. As for its etymological origin, the Old English root of Lent comes from lencten, meaning “spring,” which is neither hot nor scorching but pleasantly mild, except for the reminder that I can no longer spring into action on the dance floor because my belly has grown and my joints ache. In any case, we Christians go through Lent in a purifying mood, but deep down we are just looking forward to Easter, when we throw another huge party that lasts for weeks.

Everywhere you look, as I wrote some years ago in The American Spectator, Christianity is a party religion. When we are in a bar having a drink and some half-drunk idiot appears saying that Christianity is a strict, oppressive, and backward religion, I tend to reply politely, but very clearly, “You dumbass, if it weren’t for the strict, oppressive, and backward medieval monks, you wouldn’t have been able to drink all that beer.” There are still many people who do not know that the recipe for the beer we drink today only exists thanks to the expansion of the monasteries in Europe and the way in which Franciscans, Benedictines, and Trappists brewed it and used it as a nutrient. Later, Saint Hildegard added hops to the recipe and managed to save a lot of people’s lives thanks to its bactericidal qualities and aseptic character.

I recently ordered a poster of Saint Arnold, to whom these wise words are attributed: “Beer came into the world by the sweat of man and the love of God.”

I said at the beginning that I do not intend to turn this into a theological confrontation between religions. Faith is often conditioned by the environment into which you are born, and the good Lord is not always in time to send you falling from a horse to bring you into his fold. But, yes, now that the Left is going on about how we should promote Islam in the West, I would like to stress that even for an atheist or a secularist, living with Christians is more bearable than living with Muslims. Christianity has a much more elaborate notion of freedom, and, unlike others, we do not consider all those who do not identify as Christians to be infidels. 

Christianity is peace of soul, joy in the home, a good turkey on the table at Christmas, and mountains of mercy. Well, it’s all that, and it’s Chesterton. I have needed a lot of lines to try to say something similar to what he was able to summarize in a couple of sentences: “The outer ring of Christianity is a rigid guard of ethical abnegations and professional priests; but inside that inhuman guard you will find the old human life dancing like children, and drinking wine like men; for Christianity is the only frame for pagan freedom. But in the modern philosophy the case is opposite; it is its outer ring that is obviously artistic and emancipated; its despair is within.” I’ll raise a glass to that.

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