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The Spectacle Blog
April 1.
Frank Rich, the longtime liberal columnist, was mistakenly arrested late last evening at his office in The New York Times.
Hours later, ABC announced that Joy Behar, the liberal comedienne and panelist on Barbara Walters’ The View is leaving the show. In a move that has also raised eyebrows, NBC simultaneously announced the departure from the Today Show of longtime anchorette Ann Curry.
Rich was released after spending only one night imprisoned in New York’s infamous Riker’s Island jail. He had been charged with a hate speech crime in a warrant filed by the Obama Administration’s Appropriate Speech Syndrome Commission (the ASS Commission in Washington bureaucratese), the new bipartisan agency created to “bring social justice and the Venezuelan Way” to the First Amendment. The Commission, chaired by actor Sean Penn, a liberal liberal, also includes the conservative liberal Arianna Huffington and the liberal conservative Canadian David Frum. Frum admitted to the “great sacrifice” in leaving the American Enterprise Institute to “once again be at the cutting edge of our society’s most important task: how to force Americans to think like me.”
It was later discovered a Rich column saying the president was “the worst President ever” was in fact an earlier column about George W. Bush and not about Barack Obama. Charges were dropped, and Rich’s request to stay on at Riker’s to spend three extra weeks “with those who do not discriminate against the gay community” was reluctantly denied.
While Ms. Walters is tight-lipped about Behar’s departure, it appears Behar has admitted in a biography appearing on the show’s website that she is “armed.” When Behar apparently protested that the reference was to a phrase that she was “armed with an MA in English education,” it was pointed out by co-host Whoopi Goldberg that the “M” in “MA” stood for “Master” and was hence an offensive suggestion that Behar had sympathies for slave masters.
In the climate of violence engendered by political extremists (“like that Moose Killer woman over at Fox,” sniffed one ABC executive) it was considered prudent by ABC brass that Behar and her now uncovered sympathies for violence and slavery depart the show.
The move comes as the Target department store announces in response to criticism from Today Show co-host Ann Curry that it will be renaming itself the “Object Aimed At” store.
Ironically, Curry herself has been forced out after failing to comply with a demand from her NBC employers that she change her last name if she wishes to continue on with the Today Show. According to one source in the network’s executive suite, while denying pressure from the Penn’s ASS Commission, ” ‘Curry’ is a synonym for ‘beat’ and ‘thrash.’ In this climate it has been pointed out to us correctly that we simply can’t have viewers tuning in to a show hosted by someone called ‘Ann Beat and Thrash.’ It’s a ratings loser and just feels, well, kind of creepy.” Also on the way out at NBC is what one Penn Commission source described as “zat hideously sexist Tiger Voods symbol, zee P-Cock.”
The departure of Behar and Curry along with the mistaken arrest of columnist Rich comes as Washington is abuzz over the newest bureaucratic power player on the Washington scene.
Police have begun raiding book stores around America to remove copies of a new bestselling book titled Conservative Victory.
The book is said to refer to ASS Commissioner Frum as “Fee Fi Fo Frum.” The ASS police would not discuss the raids or the book, nor would they comment on charges that Frum personally signed an arrest warrant for talk radio and Fox host Sean Hannity, said to be the author of the book. The warrant was 2,753 very detailed pages long and according to insiders was “personally written by David and the same Capitol Hill staffers who wrote the health care bill.” Charges that both the warrant and Commissioner Frum were incomprehensible were dismissed with threats of arrest to the reporter. “Look, Hannity’s books are banned, OK? Hannity’s shows will be banned? OK? Hannity will be banned. OK? Ronald Reagan is banned. OK? There is no such thing as a Conservative Victory. Now move along.” When a reporter inquired about Reagan the source snapped: “Look, Reagan lives, that’s all I can tell you.”
“ASS is going to be a huge boost for the president politically,” predicted one Obama White House strategerist. He pointed out that “Commissioner Huffington is seeking the death penalty for Guantanamo Bay’s most celebrated prisoner,” a move believed certain to be popular with voters. “Once she realized his name had been deliberately changed from “Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’ to ‘Khalid Sheikh-Your-Booty Mo’ for Me’ the guy was toast. She wants him fried, preferably live on MSNBC.”
View all comments (38) | Leave a comment
More Blog Posts by Jeffrey Lord
http://spectator.org/blog/2010/04/01/frank-rich-arrested-behar-curr
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Janne Liu| 4.1.10 @ 2:03PM
HA! HA! HA! 'Ya got me! Thanks for the giggle. I figured it out in the 2nd paragraph and the shocking Joy Behar/Ann Curry announcement. Good job!
Liberal Reader| 4.1.10 @ 2:11PM
Mr Lord --
O.K., as satire this seems to pass.
But where ARE the government crack-downs on free speech we were promised by Beck, Limbaugh, and Hannity when Obama was elected.
The word was that in addition to FEMA concentration camps Obama's "brown shirts" would be breaking down the doors of talk radio hosts and dragging them off to be reeducated -- presumably in Berkeley.
Well ... 16 hours every week day my radio is aglow with stirring calls for revolution, with accusations that the president is a racist, a fascist, a communist, a terrorist, an illegal alien, and the anti-Christ, come to destroy American values and traditions.
Fox News whirls on apace: 24 hous a day actually advocating specific legislation. Reporters and anchors urge their listeners to call congressmen to protest actual bills. People sit at desks, postured as though they were delivering news, and instead report opinions about the secret, evil motives of Obama, which because they are evil are by definition unknoweable. (Hence the lack of evidence to substantiate them. The wickeder the anti-Christ, the less PROOF there will be to confirm him.... We just have to believe the self-apppointed conservative prophets that it's true!)
Anway, I enjoyed your piece as usual, but I'm not sure what kind of legitimate anxieties it redresses.
Hasukawa| 4.1.10 @ 2:33PM
Simply because is has not happened yet does not mean that it is not going to happen. Transforming the country is a PROCESS. Step one is now concluded - Health Care. Now they can move forward with Cap and Tax or Amnesty, focusing on which one gets more attention.
BTW - Why do you think CNN and MSLSD have been pushing the "Tea Party = Racist Hate Speech" and "Tea Party Encouraged by 'Faux' News and Talk Radio." That is the opening salvo in the Fairness Doctrine.
It simply wasn't going to fall like manna out of the heavens. Watch what they do, and you can see them lining up the dominoes.
Liberal Reader| 4.1.10 @ 3:05PM
Yes, yes, it's a process. But think of how this same way of arguing might be mustered to any cause.
Hasukawa| 4.1.10 @ 4:12PM
The reason "this line of arguing" can "be mustered to any cause" is because it is true. Unless you take over the country via armed insurrection, the transformation must be a slow process done in incremental steps. Hence what the communists (shorthand) have engaged in since the 1920's.
Read "The Communist Manifesto" and "Rules for Radicals." Then go back and review the platforms of the DNC for the last century. The similarities are striking.
Liberal Reader| 4.1.10 @ 4:36PM
Hasuka --
O.K. You're not seriously maintaining that a logically fallacious form of argumentation can be used in any situation becuase -- being fallacious -- it's true!
Consider this:
Prosecutor before the Judge: Your honor, we know the man we accuse is guilty.
Judge: What is your evidence.
Prosecutor: That's just it, you're honor. We have none. See, you're average criminal leaves evidence behind. But this criminal is so devious, so wicked, so cunning, he leaves NO trace of his actions.
In fact, your honor, the more innocent he seems, the more guilty he clearly is!
As for the similarities between the Democratic party platform and the Communist Manifesto:
You could only maintain this if and only if a) you had never read the Communist Manifesto; and b) you were relatively unfamiliar with the Democratic party platform.
Again, this is a situation in which you baldly assert something to be true that is plainly not, hoping the bald assertion will stand in for reasonable argument and evidence. Well, it won't. You're going to have to do much better than this.
SoCon| 4.1.10 @ 5:49PM
I'm sure you've read the Commie Manifesto; you've probably memorized it.
Margie| 4.1.10 @ 6:55PM
Liberal Reader always complains that we don't know what we're talking about. And he always zeros in on the ones who know exactly what they're talking about. In true liberal lawyer form, with true liberal lawyer purpose. To convince the jury (the readers) that we should really believe him~that the truth is a lie, and a lie is the truth.
"Every one deceives his neighbor, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they commit iniquity and are too weary to repent." Jer. 9:5.
Liberal Reader| 4.1.10 @ 9:36PM
Yes, I have read it. I have not memorized it, but I have read it. Your point?
SoCon| 4.1.10 @ 10:11PM
Recite it for us, Screeder. You know you want to.
victor| 4.2.10 @ 1:53AM
He reads it just before bedtime, it's on his night stand next to Mein Kampf and Mao's Little Red Book
on Fortune Cookies.
SewingSusie| 4.1.10 @ 6:47PM
As Congressman Dingle stated, it takes some time to craft legislation "to control the people".
Tim| 4.1.10 @ 3:00PM
Lib you are so uptight we could shove coal up your butt and watch you poop diamonds.
Margie| 4.1.10 @ 6:47PM
And he can sell them on QVC.
victor| 4.2.10 @ 1:49AM
Yes, but since Liberal reader is a fake person, what would emerge would be "Diamoniques".
SoCon| 4.2.10 @ 3:18PM
Witty!
Mr. Predictable| 4.1.10 @ 3:09PM
Right on cue, LR, showing that liberals have no sense of humor, except of course when making lewd remarks about teabagging. Uh-huh, huh-huh-huh-huh-huh,,,hmmm mmm, yeah! Mhhmmm. This sucks. Change it.
LibertyMark| 4.1.10 @ 4:48PM
It seems to me that, while the dire warnings have not yet materialized, we can take a lesson from the Founders in terms of uber-vigilance against oppression.
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of freedoms of the people by gradual and silent encroachment of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations."
— James Madison
LibertyMark| 4.1.10 @ 4:52PM
"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it."
— Thomas Jefferson (Letter to Archibald Stuart - 1791
ds80| 4.2.10 @ 2:42PM
"... crack-downs on free speech ... promised by Beck, Limbaugh, and Hannity when Obama was elected. "
Cite them.
Raving Rabbi| 4.1.10 @ 3:01PM
Jeffrey,
Being that last names can be offensive, that may have been an additional reason for the arrest of Frank Rich, as he needs to re-distribute the letters of his last name. (A first name like Cokie should be a cause for arrest as well in my book, as it glamorizes drug use!)
Did you ever notice that Behar, written backwards, spells Raheb?! Yeah, me neither! Either way, our top codebreakers need to get working on this...
My sources tell me that the push to dump Ann Curry was spearheaded by Indian-Americans who insisted that she smelled nothing like actual Curry.
I'm sorry that you are making the ASS Commission the butt of your jokes. On the other hand, Liberal Reader laments that Rush yet roams the earth free. However, I believe it's just a matter of the ASS Commission getting behind in their work.
Ken (Old Texican)| 4.1.10 @ 3:02PM
Hasukawa,
Good thoughts. I can just hear Lip Reader when the communists, (pardon the shorthand), come for him/her.
"Oh...but I was on your side...I didn't know...you can't blame me...please, don't hit me again...I tried my best...not good enough? but but but but but but ...(gurgle)"
See, Lip Readers are the folks the communists, (pardon the shorthand), come for first.
The "useful idiots" must be "eliminated" first.
Every communist regime in history has done so. The "useful idiots" get got first. No room for idealists after the slavery begins.
Isreal Putin| 4.1.10 @ 3:11PM
Lord Jeffrey....so you are the anti-Christ. I guess that is why I am an atheist.
Mr. Pinky | 4.1.10 @ 3:12PM
Making fun of poor Frank Rich is really too easy. In fact, I think I've seen him at "Teabagging Night" at the Fudge Palace. (Note to Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann, who may in fact be the same person: that's from the John Waters film "Pecker.")
SoCon| 4.1.10 @ 3:43PM
Mr. Pinky, your post is quite disgusting but is perfectly appropriate for the 3 liberal morons you mention. lol
SoCon| 4.1.10 @ 3:40PM
" that Moose killer woman over at Fox." What a great line, made me laugh out loud.
Thanks for the laughs, Jeff.
Margie| 4.1.10 @ 7:11PM
Mr. Lord,
I thought, what? Why would they be arresting Frank Rich for hate speech? ;/
And ~ "The Commission, chaired by actor Sean Penn, a liberal liberal, also includes the conservative liberal Arianna Huffington and the liberal conservative Canadian David Frum."
~Very funny because when one is a regular reader here at AS, though mind boggling, seeing those types of terms being used, it almost makes sense. :^)
Truth to Power| 4.1.10 @ 9:30PM
If you haven't seen this, you will see that liberals can be good at satire too. Wait, I think he is serious.
http://washingtonscene.thehill.....nd-capsize
Truth to Power| 4.1.10 @ 9:31PM
Make sure you watch the video. The man is a natural comedian.
SoCon| 4.2.10 @ 4:58PM
OMG! I think I'm going to be sick--thanks for that, Truth!
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Typical 'Globaloney Warming' believer.
Oldefarte| 4.2.10 @ 11:59AM
Not sure whether this is TRUTH or FICTION ????
Marc Jeric| 4.3.10 @ 2:27PM
Ken is right. The so-called liberals, progressives, democratic socialists, artists are the first to get executed by the communist gangsters - they are the real danger to that gang once in power.
steve| 4.3.10 @ 4:56PM
I suppose when someone is a committed( there's a loaded word) liberal they don't see the overwhelming bias in most news programming. Members of my own family will watch the news and buy every liberal syllable that Brian Williams utters. Same when they listen to Wolf Blitzer or John King on CNN. They cheer Olbermann, but seem to understand he is a bit over the line. Of course, Miss Olbermann Regrets is a commentator and has more leeway than actual journalists. Which is why I was befuddled when Olbermann and the scabrous Chris "I Get A Tingle Running Up My Leg" Matthews were allowed to anchor primary night election coverage. It was comical to watch them the night of the New Hampshire primaries when Clinton won and there was no way for the votes to turn around in favor of BHO. They were nearly in tears. If that is journalism, then the fourth estate is dead. But watch the news of NBC and you get only a more constrained and somewhat more obscured version of the same tripe.
And with all the talk of dissenters of Obama policies being racist, what greater cudgel need people brandish to stifle free and open debate. Some Bush era folks ran the patriotism thing on outspoken libs, but the press didn't enable and, in fact, questioned it. Not this time. Those sentiments are regularly parroted without challenge on many networks and in many newspapers.
Even C-Span doesn't seem immune to the bias bit. During a recent program with a lady from the Kaiser reporters group talking about the health care reform bill I was struck by how completely in the tank the woman was, last name was Appleby, but more so by the host of the program. He forcibly tried to squelch comment in the negative toward the law and toward Ms. Appleby. I thought the whole point of taking phone calls was to allow questions and COMMENTS. But the tender sensibilities of these two could not abide a little spirited debate. The strangest thing about the whole michegas was that the woman didn't find one fault in the bill. And a lot of the commentary that was coming in was based on that. How does one group of people, the Dems, so thoroughly co-opt the media? The Republicans could only dream of such a free ride and such extensive media reach.
This is a funny piece and I enjoyed it quite a bit. As an independent, I tire of both parties. And the last couple of years have convinced me more and more of the need for divided government. When one party runs Washington, that seems to be the worst prescription for this country.
The mainstream media should wake up and realize that they are losing to Fox News for a very good reason. It is the only place where there is even the pretense of resisting the liberal orthodoxy. When people get the same old warmed-over pablum shunted at them day after day in pursuit of policies and ideas already discredited, they go elsewhere. And like Fox or not, there are more spirited and bipartisan exchanges on that network than all the rest combined. They actually feature people from all along the political spectrum. CNN's idea of balance can be summed as picking several liberals of varying levels of leftward tilt and call that a debate. I saw a "debate" one night on the health care legislation on CNN's show with Campbell Brown that featured David Gergen, Gloria Borger and Roland Martin. All three were BHO water-carriers from the outset of the 2008 Democrat primary season and through the general election. Asking them to critique current liberal policies is like getting the same opinion 3 times over with different wording, that being a rubber stamp. Even Sean Hannity, so demonized by the left, has his Great American Panel and he always has a liberal, and sometimes a very far-left one, on that panel. The press works best when holding both parties' feet to the fire and not favoring one or the other.