More snow is coming to the mid-Atlantic region. It's not
supposed to be a lot. But we really have had enough snow to
last a lifetime. Other
than the beneficial impact of shutting down Washington,
nothing positive can be said about the approaching fifth storm in
a couple of weeks.
Obviously the snow gods are angry.
People have tried to stop the storms by begging, screaming, and
crying. Nothing has worked. It's time to try a new
tactic. Human sacrifice.
I don't make the suggestion lightly. But it turns out that
there are people who enjoy this horrid white crap that covers my
house, lawn, driveway, and sidewalk. Which fills
parking lots and road shoulders. And which still impedes
travel on most roads.
No way, says Anita Boice: "I don't think I have a breaking
point with snow. I love all this snow."
Boice, a Coast Guard field biologist from Woodbridge, is a rare
breed of Washingtonian: She's not just excited about
predictions of more snow on Monday, she's rooting for the
region to become absolutely buried. Again. "Feets and feets of
snow!" Boice says hopefully. "I know a lot of people hate it.
My mom hates it. And there's bad parts to getting this much
snow. But you've gotta enjoy it."
Let most everyone else mutter "sno mas" from behind these
enormous drifts; Boice and her fellow winter-weather geeks want
nothing more than, well . . . more.
"As long as we've already set the record, let's keep going and
get it as high as possible," says Brian DeCorla-Souza. At home
in Alexandria, he's been analyzing the latest weather
prediction models and comparing notes on the Internet with
other amateur forecasters and some professional meteorologists.
Major accumulation is looking unlikely; three inches or less
seems probable, DeCorla-Souza sighs.
Amazing. Who are these misanthropes? These enemies of
humanity?
As a family website, I can't express what I really think of these
people. But I do have a solution.
The snow gods obviously are angry and must be propitiated.
Who better to sacrifice than the people who enjoy snow, who revel
in the monstrous deluge from the sky?!
I won't mention any names, though the Washington Post
article is a good place to start. Anyone who announces to
hundreds of thousands of people around him that he or she likes
snow is, well, asking for it.
And most of us probably know of secret snow lovers, people who
fear public retribution so they keep quiet about how much they
enjoy mountains of white stuff all around. It's time to
identify the miscreants and impose proper punishments.
How many must go? However many it takes to
get Mother Nature to stop. Desperate times call for
desperate measures.
What if it doesn't work? Well, no worries. It still
would be satisfying to shut up those who really, truly, do enjoy
the white stuff!
No, let's start with Phil Jones and all the other scientific
cheaters, then most of the MSM science writers. If that doesn't
do the trick, we can then turn to those cursed with the
snow-lover gene expression.
Yosemeti Sam| 2.14.10 @ 11:41AM
" ... Time for a Sacrifice to the Snow gods ...."
Yo:
In its' winding intricacies - GOD guided-nature will have its'
way on climate change .
Who is man - to aver that they have a say?
To entertain wildly that they the faux cocksure climate
scientists' insightfullness - bowing to garbage in garbage out
man parametrized computer models - have the final word of
prophecy on Earths' dynamic bubble of
atmosphere sustaining LIFE.
LOL.
Mike| 2.14.10 @ 2:29PM
Since climate change is a" hoax" (as clearly demonstrated by the
snow in D.C. and Dallas) one would think those who have decried
this "hoax" would be gleeful at the "vindication" of their views.
Nick| 2.14.10 @ 9:47PM
Are you the same Mike who tried to pose as a conservative while
making racist remarks?
Mike| 2.15.10 @ 8:20AM
No
wwwexler| 2.16.10 @ 4:49PM
You lie!
Missy| 2.14.10 @ 10:32PM
Hey, Mike, in case you haven't noticed, most of the Globaloney
Warming scientists are back-pedaling (BIG TIME!) from the silly
'global warming' hoax they invented. Seems the self-appointed
climate minders "lost their data."
Uh huh, yeah sure.
Hysterics aside, you greenies have got nothing.
Franklin| 2.14.10 @ 5:49PM
I nominate Algore to be first!!
Missy| 2.14.10 @ 7:56PM
Yeah, Algore--he would count as FIVE sacrifices!
Jack| 2.15.10 @ 6:35AM
Certainly his ego is worth at least five sacrifices!
John W.| 2.15.10 @ 9:15AM
Doug,
Terrible article! After "Obviously the snow gods are angry" you
got everything wrong.
Yes, the snow gods are angry. After events at Copenhagen, our
East Coast, and now the entire country, I think it's quite clear
they are angry at those who pronounced their demise. That being
the case, the only responsible action is to begin the
human sacrifice with the pagans of the AGW cult.
8^)
Steven Schmitt| 2.15.10 @ 10:18AM
Why the heck does the Coast Guard have biologists? Not only that,
but can it really be that this particular biologist apparently
does not know "feets" is not a correct usage in English?
Richard Baker| 2.14.10 @ 10:24AM
I grew up in Lorton, Virginia which is about 26 miles south of DC. Glad to see the snow has returned. More!
Tish| 2.14.10 @ 11:31AM
No, let's start with Phil Jones and all the other scientific cheaters, then most of the MSM science writers. If that doesn't do the trick, we can then turn to those cursed with the snow-lover gene expression.
Yosemeti Sam| 2.14.10 @ 11:41AM
" ... Time for a Sacrifice to the Snow gods ...."
Yo:
In its' winding intricacies - GOD guided-nature will have its' way on climate change .
Who is man - to aver that they have a say?
To entertain wildly that they the faux cocksure climate scientists' insightfullness - bowing to garbage in garbage out man parametrized computer models - have the final word of prophecy on Earths' dynamic bubble of
atmosphere sustaining LIFE.
LOL.
Mike| 2.14.10 @ 2:29PM
Since climate change is a" hoax" (as clearly demonstrated by the snow in D.C. and Dallas) one would think those who have decried this "hoax" would be gleeful at the "vindication" of their views.
Nick| 2.14.10 @ 9:47PM
Are you the same Mike who tried to pose as a conservative while making racist remarks?
Mike| 2.15.10 @ 8:20AM
No
wwwexler| 2.16.10 @ 4:49PM
You lie!
Missy| 2.14.10 @ 10:32PM
Hey, Mike, in case you haven't noticed, most of the Globaloney Warming scientists are back-pedaling (BIG TIME!) from the silly 'global warming' hoax they invented. Seems the self-appointed climate minders "lost their data."
Uh huh, yeah sure.
Hysterics aside, you greenies have got nothing.
Franklin| 2.14.10 @ 5:49PM
I nominate Algore to be first!!
Missy| 2.14.10 @ 7:56PM
Yeah, Algore--he would count as FIVE sacrifices!
Jack| 2.15.10 @ 6:35AM
Certainly his ego is worth at least five sacrifices!
John W.| 2.15.10 @ 9:15AM
Doug,
Terrible article! After "Obviously the snow gods are angry" you got everything wrong.
Yes, the snow gods are angry. After events at Copenhagen, our East Coast, and now the entire country, I think it's quite clear they are angry at those who pronounced their demise. That being the case, the only responsible action is to begin the human sacrifice with the pagans of the AGW cult.
8^)
Steven Schmitt| 2.15.10 @ 10:18AM
Why the heck does the Coast Guard have biologists? Not only that, but can it really be that this particular biologist apparently does not know "feets" is not a correct usage in English?