The Spectacle Blog

Obama Considering Closing Gitmo With Executive Order

By on 10.10.14 | 2:08PM

Last night, Gwyneth Paltrow wished up on a falling star, if she believes in such a thing, that Barack Obama would have greater opportunity to enact his legislative agenda without having to rely on the pesky details associated with a representative democracy. This morning, the Hill announced that Barack Obama is considering using executive action to close Guantanamo Bay's terrorist detention facility and by pass legislation designed to keep Gitmo detainees out of the American prison population.

Coincidence? I think not. Also a conicidence? I fully support this idea if the terrorists can be relocated to Gwyneth Paltrow's Brentwood mansion. She already has the 9-foot steel gates. 

President Obama is considering executive action to close the detention facility at Guantánamo Bay, despite congressional legislation that bans the transfer of detainees there to prisons in the U.S., according to a Thursday report.

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Gwyneth Paltrow Fawns Over President, Gets Constitution Wrong

By on 10.10.14 | 11:24AM

Last night, Barack Obama tied up his seven-day fundraising bender with a visit to Gwyneth Paltrow's Beverly Hills home, where he collected checks from Hollywood celebrities and, no doubt, dined on Gwyneth's signature vegan, gluten-free diet food. Fortunately, what has been a rough week for the President generally, cleared up as he was feted and - quite literally - fawned over at the event.

The idiocy of Hollywood was in full bloom Thursday night when Gwyneth Paltrow turned an already-embarrassing Hollywood fundraiser into "The Dating Game."

Paltrow -- who hosted the event at her Brentwood home -- gushed as she introduced President Obama, "You're so handsome that I can't speak properly."

After you've finished vomiting up your breakfast over your keyboard at the thought, we can continue. You good? OK.

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Caption This: Obabblehead

By on 10.10.14 | 10:23AM

Adventures in the White House Flickr stream:

"What if my bobblehead was holding an even smaller bobblehead?" Can you come up with a better caption?

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White House to Convert Millennials with Emoji

By on 10.9.14 | 3:40PM

The White House is preparing to make the pitch to young people that it's economic policies are working in their favor, despite their record unemployment. They're apparently desperate for the youth to turn out in the mid-terms, since pretty much every other demographic has abandoned the President's agenda (and for that matter, the President's closest allies). Young people, they feel, are just the low-information demographic they need to retain the Senate and continue their proud tradition of partisan disrespect.

And so, this week, the White House will launch a campaign aimed at 18-35 year olds on social media, starring - what else? - emoji. Those adorable digital pictures you can append to your text messages to make give your utterly incoherent text an inscrutable, yet visual, emotional angle. 

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Joe Biden to Host Law & Order SVU Marathon

By on 10.9.14 | 12:45PM

Mark your calendars, America. The Vice President is coming to cable. 

Weekend after next, October 18 and 19th, VP Joe Biden himself will join Mariska Hargitay, for a Law & Order: Special Victims Unit marathon on the USA network to promote domestic violence awareness. He and Hargitay have already filmed a series of PSAs that will air between episodes in the 18-hour run.

Talk about an arresting duo: "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" star Mariska Hargitay and Vice President Joe Biden, together at last! 

No, the VP is not making a special guest appearance on the long-running NBC series. Instead, he and Hargitay have joined forces on several public service announcements that will air during an "SVU" marathon set to air on USA Network on Sunday, Oct. 19. 

The 14-hour run of back-to-back "SVU" episodes, called "No More Excuses," is an event for National Domestic Violence Awareness month in October, and is partnered with Hargitay's Joyful Heart Foundation and the NO MORE campaign.

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White House Aides Probably Knew About Link to Colombian Prostitute Scandal

on 10.9.14 | 11:35AM

The Secret Service may now be trying to figure out how to improve security at the front door of the White House (rumor has it, they've put one of those ADT signs out front and put the porch lights on a timer), but their current malfeasance is only the latest in a line of scandals. It all started when the Secret Service were in Columbia on assignment and decided to taste the local fare. By which I mean they hired a bunch of Columbian prostitutes.

Two dozen White House aides, military officers and Secret Service officials were fired over the incident that the White House swore it knew nothing about and none of their staff was involved in. Today, the Washington Post begs to differ. It seems at least one White House official knew that at least one White House volunteer aide, the son of major Democratic donor Leslie Dach, was allegedly getting busy in Cartagena, and did next to nothing about it.

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Will Al Sharpton Catch The Next Plane to St. Louis?

By on 10.9.14 | 10:52AM

Last night, an off-duty St. Louis Police officer shot and killed an 18-year old African-American male. The authorities in St. Louis say that the officer was fired upon several times before firing back. Protesters contend the victim had a sandwich in his hand, not a gun.

At this point, neither the officer nor the decedent have been identified.

Only two months removed from the death of Michael Brown, the only thing I can say with any certainty is that Al Sharpton is heading back to Missouri.

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Josh Beckett Retires

By on 10.9.14 | 10:32AM

After the Los Angeles Dodgers were eliminated by the St. Louis Cardinals in the NLDS, pitcher Josh Beckett has announced his retirement.

I first heard of Beckett in 2001 when he pitched with the Portland Sea Dogs, then affiliated with the Florida Marlins. A lot of people thought he would be the next big thing. Beckett would make his big league debut with the Fish that September.

Two years later, Beckett would make heads spin when he threw a complete game, five-hit shutout against the New York Yankees in Yankee Stadium to clinch the Marlins unlikely World Series title. Most 23-year old pitchers would have been overwhelmed by the setting. But not Beckett. He made the Yankees look absurd that night.

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President Obama Slams Republican ‘Party of Billionaires’ While at Billionaire’s House

By on 10.8.14 | 4:50PM

This week features a greuling Presidential schedule, with Barack Obama attending seven separate Democratic party fundraisers ahead of next month's mid-year elections. From Greenwich, Connecticut to Beverly Hills, California, the President will be criss-crossing the nation, eating organic, locally-sourced rubber chicken in private mansions and collecting checks from billionaires, as the Democratic Party faces down a possible loss of the Senate.

Last night, after two fundraisers in New York, Barack Obama settled down for a quiet, up-to-$32,000-per-plate dinner at the home of (I am not making this up) a billionaire property tycoon named (still not making this up) Rich Richman, but only after he sent a massive fundraising email to potential Democratic donors, labeling the Republicans as the "party of billionaires."

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Governor Martin O’Malley: ‘WiFi is a human right.’

By on 10.8.14 | 4:26PM

Martin O'Malley — the Maryland governor who daylights as a Democratic presidential hopeful, and moonlights as the frontman of a celtic rock group — has added wireless Internet to the left's ever-growing list of inalienable rights. Speaking to CNN, O'Malley said:

Younger people are choosing to live in cities. They realize that connections to each other are making us better. That WiFi is a human right. That proximity is important to entrepreneurship, access to capital and talent and diversity. There is an opportunity there for us as a nation to embrace that new perspective.

How can something be a universal human right when it didn't even exist until 1997?

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