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Lonegan: If I'm in office I can do stuff

By J.P. Freire on 6.1.09 @ 6:18PM

Commercials are really expensive. At least, that's the understanding I've had as someone who does not buy commercials as a general rule. I also don't have anything to commercialize about. I think I can ride my bicycle pretty fast, and I think what I write can be good if I really try. But that's it.

Steve Lonegan is running for governor. Surely he has things to say. Apparently Rick Shaftan feels differently. Shaftan is Lonegan's campaign guy who's been responsible for pretty much every stupid move Lonegan's made and every smart move Lonegan didn't make. The commercial below is advertising one thing and one thing only: "If elected, I can do stuff."

Apparently the Lonegan campaign's Department of the Obvious is responsible for the scripts in these things. At least we unequivocally know this fact: Under Lonegan, New Jersey will never be the same as it is right now, but rather it'll be the same as it was at one point earlier, but different. And definitely better.

You know what? I'm going to start getting commercials to put out crucial messages to New Jersey voters. "Peanut butter is sticky" will be numero uno, followed by, "Water is wet."

Oh, and also? Tomorrow's election day. I'd go to the polls to do an on the scene report of what will clearly be a close election, but rather than hedge my bets, I've already gone ahead to start writing about how Christie won. Potential interviewees: Please use the present tense, even if we're talking about the future.

View all comments (12) | Leave a comment

Chris| 6.1.09 @ 9:20PM

What a dumb column

MattSwartz| 6.1.09 @ 10:08PM

The ad is dumber, though.

It looks like something out of Idiocracy. I half expected him to start chugging BRAWNDO! the Thirst Mutilator.

Violett| 6.2.09 @ 12:22AM

Who are these people? What an odd looking group.

Nick| 6.2.09 @ 1:21AM

Christie = statist.

Lonegan = genuine conservative.

Tim| 6.2.09 @ 10:44AM

"Knowledge is good"

RM3 Frisker FTN| 6.3.09 @ 1:58AM

Funny that Matt Swartz mentioned "Brawndo"

Other aspects of current society (broadcast news?) seem to parallel Idiocracy.

Remember "Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator: It's got what plants crave! It's got electrolytes."

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