The American Spectator

As is now common with political campaigns of all stripes, I was emailed a copy of John McCain’s prepared remarks at Wake Forest University this morning well before they were delivered. I never understand why we aren’t just provided the meat of the speech, rather than the meat and all the niceties and playful banter which instantly reveals itself to be meaningless once you’re informed it’s contrived. For example:

We appreciate the hospitality of the students and faculty of Wake Forest University, and especially during exams. I know exam week involves some tough moments, like when you’re up at 3:00 a.m. and have to choose between studying or watching one of Fred’s old movies. Most of the students here look confident and ready, so you need no advice from me as final exams draw near.

Was Fred in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle? Well, at any rate, that’s the American college student for you. Long before you’ve even actually laid eyes on them you can already be sure they’ll look confident and ready at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday morning. Things have apparently changed since I was in college back in ought-two when students would stumble into 3 p.m. classes bleary-eyed and woefully unprepared. That was before Obama started filling their hearts with hope, I guess. More:

But for those of you who might be feeling a slight sense of panic coming on, all I can say is that a few bad grades don’t have to be end of the road�— so just give it your best and move on. An undistinguished academic record can be overcome in life, or at least that is the hope that has long sustained me.

Talk about an inclusive campaign—Good morning students! Confident and ready to aim low? Join us! Slavishly in need of a strong leader you’ve never met to validate your existence and re-make your life? Choose the other guy!

Lord, woe is us.