ATHENS, OH — I know it can come across as obnoxious for New Yorkers to visit the heartland of America and offer complaints, but there are occasions on which I just cannot resist. One of those occasions came on Monday.
After finishing up a Bill Clinton event in the late afternoon, I was hungry. Unfortunately, it was one of those odd eating times when it’s too early for dinner, but too late for lunch. In New York, the normal solution is just to grab a slice of pizza as a holdover.
With little time to spare, I punched away at my GPS to locate pizzerias, and I drove over to the closest one, about a mile away. I felt quite at home when I walked in. I approached the counter, and confidently ordered a slice. Then I was stunned.
“Sorry, we only have slices on weekends, after 12 o’clock at night,” the young man told me.
I was speechless. Who ever heard of such a rigid slice rationing program? I just mumbled something underneath my breath, and stumbled out the door like an alcoholic who had been cut off by a bartender.
Luckily, or so I thought, there was a place called Goodfellas Pizza a few blocks away. It seemed like a sure bet. Perhaps Henry Hill himself was tossing the dough.
I began to jog over there, and as I approached, I saw a hanging sign that boasted “Goodfellas: Pizza By The Slice.” See, I knew Tuddy wouldn’t dissapoint me. And I’m sure it would have been great—had it been open. Unfortunately, though it was a Monday afternoon, the place was all gated up as if it were Christmas Eve.
To make a long story short, I never got my slice. A few hours later, I settled for an Arby’s bacon cheddar roast beef combo with curly fries and a Dr. Pepper.
A man of faith in a godless age is hitting Americans where it hurts.
Mr. and Mrs. American Spectator Reader, let P.J. O’Rourke talk sense to your kids.
In Britain, defending your property can get you life.
The debacle of this president’s administration is both a cause and a symptom of the decline of American values. Unless Congress impeaches him, that decline will go on unchecked. An eminent jurist surveys the damage and assesses the chances for the recovery of our culture.
It won’t take long for conservatives to scratch this presidential wannabe off their 2008 scorecard.
The American Christmas, like the songs that celebrate it, makes room for everybody under the rainbow. Is that why so many people seem to be hostile to it?
Was the President done in by the economy, or by the politics of the economy?