The American Spectator

The recent scuffle over immigration seems reminiscent of previous skirmishes on other topics. Indeed from here on out they will all sound fairly similar. To save the campaigns the time and effort in coming up with responses to their opponents' ideas and you the reader the time reading them I offer you a template which can be used for virtually any issue. To make it a bit more fun let's make up an issue : "the great national blueberry pie shortage" and take you through how each of the GOP contenders would handle this important issue and how the opponents would respond.

Rudy: "George Will said I presided over the great example of blueberry pie production in America and turned NY City from a blueberry pie slum to the greatest big city for blueberry pie production. In Washington I'll introduce PieStat and do for America what I did for New York."

Rudy Opponents: " But some people got sick on pie and in 1990 he once said he didn't like pie. But the real point is he is pro-choice."

Romney: " I represent the blueberry pie wing of the Republican party and the blueberry pie council, gosh I love those people, may endorse me. I will double blueberry pie production."

Romney Opponents: " As Governor he didn't do squat for blueberry pie production and look at this YouTube footage from 1994 and 2002 promising to cut blueberry pie production."

Thompson: " My mama made the best pie ever. I ...errr... ahhh... [cough] well... pie and I go back a long ...err...ahh ... way."

Thompson Opponents: "The man never made a pie in his life."

McCain: " My friends I'm not going to lie to you. Some things are more important than pie. That may not be popular but I'll never lie to you about pie."

McCain Opponents: " McCain is a great American but he's for open kitchens. He'll let just anyone in to bake."

Now you're set for the rest of the race.