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More John Mayer: "If you're hoping Live Earth doesn't work, you have a lot of soul-searching to do."

Actually, my support for Live Earth is entirely contingent on whether rising sea levels will stop this half-hearted Eric Clapton wannabe hack from churning out indifference anthems and making sensitive college freshmen swoon even though his own tastes run more to the Jessica Simpson end of the spectrum. If rising sea levels won't do that, then, sure, sign me up.

Taking Mayer's advice, I just searched the deepest, darkest recesses of my soul. When I came up against a wall I lit a match and all I could see was a wall full of scandalously vandalized I Hate John Mayer posters. Search complete. What's up next, boss?