The American Spectator

I admit it. I miss Al. Has any single American politician ever had a more developed ability to both amuse and bore an audience simultaneously? Thank God the press caught his Stockholm gig.

Uncle Al’s latest rant included a riff on “How America would be different if I had been elected…”

The media reported his remarks that we would not “routinely be torturing people.” Unfortunately, they missed his silent musings which were later revealed in the thought bubble above his head.

“…and the lion would lay down with the lamb… people of all races, creeds and socioeconomic strata would join hands and sing… what would they sing? hmm, Joanie Baez sounded pretty good at that Cindy Sheehan thingy against Bush… that dumb bastard got his Supreme Court buddies to screw me…boy, I sure have to pee right now…drank too much iced tea again… no worry about this being misconstrued as a fundraiser… I’m in Sweden after all…Johnny Chung is nowhere in sight…President Al Gore…President Al Gore…boy, I sure tanked Kerry when I endorsed him, heh, heh, heh… if only Springsteen had campaigned for me…wait until I get to my line about Bush and Dick “Halliburton” Cheney being responsible for global warming…heck, all I’ll have to say is “Halliburton” and the crowd will go wild…dude, I really need to pee…”