The Spectacle Blog

Another Day, Another Czar

By on 6.8.09 | 2:02PM

The President will name a “Pay Czar.” A pay czar! Enough already with the unelected, unconfirmed, unaccountable czars. With all these czars, has the Cabinet become the Siberia of the Obama administration?


Another Day, Another Czar   
By Asher Embry

Barack will name a “Czar for Pay”;
Another czar, another day.

There’s one for cars and one for drugs;
And one who’ll look for cyber-bugs.
A czar for nationalizing health;
One czar makes bankers share their wealth.
One’s focused on the wars we fight;
Another combats urban blight.
A czar for secrets, spooks and spies,
A czar for spending waste and lies;
One czar considers immigration;
One expanded regulation.
A czar who TARP funds oversees,
A czar to find efficiencies;
One czar will turn our country “green”;
Another keeps Great Lakes pristine.

There’re others still we barely know;
Are more to come?  We sure hope so!

We need a czar for empathy;
And every Gitmo detainee.
A czar for strawman arguments
And moral equivalence;
A czar for symbols, one for staging;
Unilateral disengaging;
A czar to speed-read Waxman’s bills;
A czar for pundits’ leg-felt thrills;
A “date night” czar; and one perhaps;
For Larry Summers’ rants and naps;
A czar to make sure “life is fair”;
A czar for Biden’s gaffes and hair;
A czar for Rahm’s oft-hidden charm,
And Axelrod’s relentless smarm.
One czar, Obama’s smokes will nix,
Not so his adulation fix.
A czar to make apologies;
One more for making more of these.

This all may seen ridiculous;
But czars are quite insidious.
They’re crucial as Obama tries
To fundamentally change our lives.
Their fiefdoms are a wasteful lark,
Designed to keep us in the dark,
As monumental change occurs
All cloistered from our strong demurrers.
The reason we must make this fuss:
They’re not accountable to us.

We all should thank our lucky stars,
“O” hasn’t named a Czar for czars.

(You can read more of Asher Embry's Political Verse at www.politicalverse.com.) 

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