The Spectacle Blog

Les Insufferables

By on 11.8.05 | 1:12PM

 

Sorry, but les personnes insupportables -- the French, of course -- are once again fair game, regardless of their troubles. Our self-imposed moratorium on the abuse of France is hereby ended because -- as I am informed -- their self-defense website is picking on Jay Leno.

Their complaint, as it always is against any of us, is that the offender is being, well, offensive to the French. But in the evidence they cite, they prove Leno's innocence, at least of slander. Hilariously, with a compendium of Lenoisms going back a couple of years. To wit:

  • It's no surprise the French won't help us get Saddam Hussein out of
    Iraq
    . They didn't help us get Germany out of France.

  • The Hitler miniseries on CBS, seven nominations. The Napoleon miniseries also got seven nominations. So Hitler is up against Napoleon. Do you realize this could be the first time the French beat the Germans?

  • They say over in France the wine region over there is going through an incredible heat wave, destroying all the crops. The crops are ruined and this has devastated the French economy. Proving once again: Prayer works.

  • The French decided to use Woody Allen because he’s the one guy on the planet who doesn’t frighten them.

  • While President Bush was over there, a lot of protesting. People throwing rocks, breaking windows. Great, now the French start fighting.

  • France has accused the U.S. Of being rude and abusive to them and they’re taking it personally. And remember, every time an American is rude and abusive they’re taking a job away from a Frenchman.

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