The Spectacle Blog

Spitzer Case Reminds Me….

By on 3.11.08 | 9:53AM

Gov. Spitzer's apparent violation of the Mann Act (read it for yourself) reminds me of this terrible old story that I used to tell. I haven't told it in years, but....

One day an adventurer named Joe found a cove in Africa where some beautiful, sleek, shiny porpoises lived. Most impressively, the porpoises talked. It took some doing, but the porpoises convinced Joe, quite truthfully, that they could live forever as long as they could continue to feast on a diet of a particular kind of baby sea birds and as long as the porpoises remained in that one, rather large cove. The problem was that environmental changes meant that fewer and fewer of the birds were nesting in that particular cove anymore. One thing led to another, and Joe finally volunteered to go catch some of the baby birds and bring them back to the cove.


[A long story intervenes about how much trouble Joe had to go to, to catch the baby sea birds. But eventually he does...]

So Joe finally gets back to the only landward entrance to the cove (no boat could get there because of dangerous shoals at its entrance), only to find the way blocked by two enormous, predatory cats. Yes, two Kings of the Jungle. The big cats were sleeping. Joe watched and watched and watched and even threw rocks at the big cats, but they continued to sleep. And he could see, past the land bridge, the sleek mammalian sea creatures, looking emaciated, starving, barely able even to swim, waiting for him, waiting, waiting.

So, finally, convinced that the big cats must be under a spell because their sleep was so heavy, Joe mustered up his courage and, holding his cages of baby birds over his head, he gingerly stepped over the big cats. AND THEY STILL SLEPT! Joe thought he was home free. But, just as he started to break into a big grin, several constables stepped out from behind a rock and arrested him.

Why?

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For transporting young gulls across staid lions for immortal porpoises.

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