Enemy of the Week

Trotting Out Their Big Guns

Just don't get into Sandra Fluke’s line of fire.

By 7.3.14

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His place in history assured — or at least in post-World War II history, as befits a nation largely unaware that anything preceded its idea of the Big Bang — our president is settling into his Quinnipiac-confirmed role as worst U.S. president in living memory. It’s a terrific honor actually, a salute to a leader who has displayed both vision and valor.

For the former, there was his version of “I Have a DREAM,” which rallied the youth of lands to our south to stream across what once were called our southern borders. After that, it’s all expenses paid. For the latter, we have him proclaiming, “So sue me,” a neo-Nathan Detroit wowing them on Broadway, a regular Guy looking to defend the Kit-Kat Dolls of his Democratic base. In the original Nathan’s case he was singing to Adelaide, who tired of waiting for Nathan to deliver on his promises had started to develop a cold. But under this president, that’s okay. Obamacare will provide the chicken soup and even the upkeep for Nathan Jr. Only downside is that our president’s career trajectory could change. We had him pegged as a future ESPN anchor and commentator. More likely, we’ll see him in a Broadway revival of Oklahoma!, crooning “O What a Beautiful Morning” on reports of smashing new job numbers. From now on, all Obama news will come with a fringe on top.

And the cherry will be Laurey, starring our favorite queen of the rodeo, Ms. Sandra Fluke. By popular demand she resurfaced this week to comment on the Hobby Lobby business. The Washington Post identified her as “a social justice attorney,” meaning head for the hills, boys. She dismissed or distorted every known fact in the case, meaning she’s knows the law. She even denied abortifacients are abortifacients. In her words, translated from the original Stalinist lingua, “contrary to medical and scientific evidence, the corporations’ owners believe some birth control causes abortions.” In her view, all is not well “in the current reproductive rights environment.” Which must mean, we’ll hear from the EPA next. Prepare for clean energy contraception.

Tolerance is the name of the game. A common response to the Hobby Lobby ruling is that Catholics need not apply for membership on the High Court. (Hat tip to our friends at the Red State catacombs.) Ms. Dana Milbank did a variation on the theme, decrying Justice Samuel Alito’s perceived body language in terms that must qualify somewhere as hate language and an affront to Americans with Disability: “There was a certain risk in having Alito deliver the 5-to-4 opinion defending corporate personhood,” Milbank wrote, “because his mannerisms are strikingly robotic for a human.” We can only imagine how hard it was for a human like Milbank to sit through Robocop.

Intolerance is another name of their game. Mr. Richard Cohen, with a long history of overheating, can’t stand the non-global warmists. So let ’em have it he did, in advance of hurricane season. “My own eyes show rising ocean levels. They show the Arctic ice cap shrinking. They show massive beach erosion, homes toppling into the sea and meteorological records indicating steadily increasing temperatures…” Who let him out of his igloo?

There’s been a breakthrough in the Rename-the Redskins wars, as the son of the most mediocre owner in NBA history has seen fit to boast about his late dad’s decision to rename the Washington Bullets the Washington Wizards nearly two decades ago. He urges the Redskins’ owner to act similarly. In this case, gun control backfired. Murder rates in D.C. haven’t gone down, and the Wizards’ record is even worse than it was back when they were packing lead.

If Superman were a fan, he’d be flying faster than a speeding Wizard. If he favored high-speed travel, it would be on a Wizard train. And if he were Jeffrey Toobin, he’d think he could take on Sen. Ted Cruz. In the New Yorker, the hapless Toobin tries to engage the famous senator in debate. It’s a performance worthy of Supermouse. Our EOW even manages to allow Cruz the last word on the renaming issue:

On another occasion at the convention, Cruz noted that some people think the name of the Washington Redskins football team is offensive. “There’s an easy way to fix that,” he said. “You can just drop the word ‘Washington.’ ”

Oh, Jeffrey, don’t take your guns to town.

 

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