Enemy of the Week

In Distinguished Company

Lots of upset and an upset winner.

By 6.6.14

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Finally we have confirmation of the old saw that history repeats itself as farce. A joyous Susan Rice has shown the way, going on a Sunday show to prattle the official line that “Sgt.” Bowe Bergdahl “served the United States with honor and distinction.” She really was insistent in that way she has that her stating something makes its it true. Some might say she wasn’t really repeating history because this time she went on only one Sunday show, not five of them. In other words, she went AWOL after the first show. But others see strange symbolism and symmetry, the one vs. five combination corresponding to the one for five swap pulled off with the big bang Taliban. And let’s not overlook a similar video connection — this time featuring one intended to offend non-Muslim sensibilities in its depiction of “Sgt.” Bergdahl’s final moments among his captors.

One little problem cropped up: Ms. Rice said her hero appeared “in good physical condition.” We’ve since learned just the opposite from Ms. Rice’s handlers. The word from the top now is that “Sgt.” Bergdahl, having been subjected to five years of Taliban care instead of even five months of Obamacare care, was in very bad health and thus in need of immediate rescue. The lengths to which this administration will go to recruit candidates for its health exchanges! Of course, as a member in good standing of the U.S. Army, “Sgt.” Bergdahl may have to rely on a VA hospital, which could work out well for him. Another five years and he’s sure to be admitted.

Just in from the Nation: our headline of the week: “Bowe Bergdahl and the Honorable History of War Deserters.” We don’t make these things up, but they do.

From here on in it’s not clear that Maureen Dowd will be in condition to do anything but make things up. She won’t know the difference, not after overdosing on marijuana sweets in mind-blowing Colorado and bragging about it in her latest column. From the sounds of it she actually took an acid trip, hoping to end up like Jim Morrison at Père Lachaise. Or maybe she was channeling Samuel Taylor Coleridge — “I strained to remember where I was or even what I was wearing, touching my green corduroy jeans…” — except he didn’t wear green corduroy jeans. The only sign of the old Maureen was her slipping in that she “was not a regular marijuana smoker” — signalling she’s one of those trendy “recreational” users, the kind that drove Christopher Hitchens around the bend. If you’re going to go the recreational route, follow the example of a Republican elephant at the West Midlands Safari Park near Bewdley in Worcestershire who on finding a cell phone immediately took a selfie of himself. (Who else?) Some have called it an “elfie,” assuring many hurt feelings among the Santa Claus helper community.

Our president did some experimenting of his own at a gym in Warsaw, allowing his early morning routine to be recorded and released into the YouTube sphere. Some of the weights he handled seemed weighty, and he went through his routine without showing a single sign of life. At one point he yawned. It’s always a bore to be the coolest guy in the room. The thinking is his heavy lifting was intended as a message to V.V. Putin, the Russian president whom he was sure not to dine with in France during the third phase of his European trip. Too bad they couldn’t sit down together and not say a single word to one another. A Japanese standoff, if you will, that would be costly only to the translator, assuming he’d be paid by the word.

Poor Al Gore, the King Farouk of retired American potentates. He still can’t win the big prize. There he was, clinching this week’s trophy by mouthing off that Prince Obama’s EPA diktat is “the most important step taken to combat the climate crisis in our country’s history” and decrying our using “the atmosphere as an open sewer for dirty and dangerous global warming pollution.” (His ghostwriters get paid by the adjective.) Then suddenly he was in a dead heat and Enemy Central’s High Court called the race in favor of a last second entry, none other than our ruling president’s organically inclined better half, Ms. Michelle. Word now is that she’s all set to run for Senate from Illinois in 2016. No carpetbagger she. Just your exceptional EOW. Notice she didn’t accompany her husband overseas this week. That means she’s jilted Poland twice on his two trips to Pulaski country. A very brainy thing to do in view of Illinois’ not skimpy Polish-American community. Could it be she’s declaring war on kielbasa?

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