The Bootblack Stand

The Bootblack Stand

By From the April 2014 issue

Meezter Plunkitt—Russkiyes haf at loong last had zair time in sun: In recent games, ve von sirty-sree metals to United States’ tventy-eight. As yoo might say in American trash talk…booyah babushka!But vaat to do vis meeself now? Olympics haf left Sochi, and vis zem also vent telly cameras. My ministeers must arrange for family of zeremony leaders extra rations, and for man responsible on snowflake ring malfunction swift execution. Ve must steel cure peenkeye zat yoor Bob Costas has spread to haf of prostitutes in Krasnodar Krai.I fear, zough, zat yoor media veel only vant to talk about von sing: zose dispeecible harpies in zat rock band, Vagina Uproar. I veel get no credit for my restraint zees past veeks. I did not arrest von of American homosexicles, not even zees loazsome Brian Boitano.Putin Vlady—

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About the Author
Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, has recently retired from a staff position with the House Ethics Committee and is working on his memoirs. But he has graciously consented to once again advise American statesmen in these times of trouble. Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The American Spectator.