Meezter Plunkitt—Russkiyes haf at loong last had zair time in sun: In recent games, ve von sirty-sree metals to United States’ tventy-eight. As yoo might say in American trash talk…booyah babushka!But vaat to do vis meeself now? Olympics haf left Sochi, and vis zem also vent telly cameras. My ministeers must arrange for family of zeremony leaders extra rations, and for man responsible on snowflake ring malfunction swift execution. Ve must steel cure peenkeye zat yoor Bob Costas has spread to haf of prostitutes in Krasnodar Krai.I fear, zough, zat yoor media veel only vant to talk about von sing: zose dispeecible harpies in zat rock band, Vagina Uproar. I veel get no credit for my restraint zees past veeks. I did not arrest von of American homosexicles, not even zees loazsome Brian Boitano.Putin Vlady—
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