The Bootblack Stand

Of Chocolate and Cheez Wiz

By From the March 2014 issue

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Mr. Plunkitt—People freaked a few weeks ago when I pointed out that Republicans have a hard time in New York. Granted, my phrasing might’ve been a bit indelicate, but this phony outrage is unwarranted. I feel like doubling down.You don’t like our tax rates? Get out. Don’t think a woman should have the right to choose reproductive—oh, wait, what’s that sound I hear? Oh, yeah, it’s the New Jersey Turnpike calling your name. Enjoy Florida. Hope you get eaten by an alligator or an oil slick-mutated manatee.Don’t like rent control? Fine. Go pierce your nose 50 times and live in a bombed out creperie in Mogadishu. Don’t need you. Won’t miss you. Have fun picking land mine shrapnel out of your sorry keister with only a pen knife and a pair of takeout chopsticks.

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About the Author
Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, has recently retired from a staff position with the House Ethics Committee and is working on his memoirs. But he has graciously consented to once again advise American statesmen in these times of trouble. Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The American Spectator.