Enemy of the Week

Executive Pretenders

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By 1.17.14

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Long past having anyone to turn to for inspiration, our president unwittingly channeled Jim Croce, though naturally without any of the late singer’s poetic components and melodic grace. “Like the singing bird and the croaking toad, I’ve got a name, I’ve got a name,” Croce once sang, before adding, “And I carry it with me like my daddy did.” Our president, dispensing with any introduction, countered with, “I’ve got a pen and I’ve got a phone,” before adding, “And I can use that pen to sign executive orders and take executive actions and administrative actions that move the ball forward.” Guess that mixed metaphor kept him from telling us what his daddy did. To be fair, it’s likely pops played soccer.

Now there’s a sport sure to be a staple of the universal preschool our president wants to see instituted this year as the signature item of his economic agenda. Once it’s in place, the preschoolers will find themselves on the fast track to a productive life. After last week’s lousy employment numbers, the future indeed could be theirs. The big problem as we know is an ever shrinking labor force. Unemployment is down to 6.7 percent despite minuscule new job growth, and even liberal media now concede that the unemployed are simply leaving the ranks of those seeking work. Something has to be done, the Democrats now say, to rebuild the ranks of the unemployed. Some are calling for a renewed stimulus package for this very purpose. Universal preschool can lead the way. Upon graduation, rising kindergarteners will qualify for permanent unemployment coverage, swelling the ranks of the unemployed, restoring America’s unemployment numbers to a healthy 8 percent and growing. From graduation to grave, nothing but coverage. “We need all hands on deck to build on the recovery that we’re already seeing,” our president concluded. No fair jumping ship, though we presume universal preschool alums will be provided with life vests, just in case unemployment numbers shrink again.

Forgiveness is sweet but revenge is sweeter. We saw that the other day when Mr. Bruce Springsteen — who thanks to our president’s intercession shortly before election 2012 made his peace with his number one fan, the hated union-busting Republican Chris Christie — joined forces with Mr. Jimmy Fallon to mock the politically disgraced New Jersey governor in a smooth sounding duet. Certainly they make a better team than Croce and Our President might have. Not that it matters. Our liberal friends took a moment from their campaign to roast Christie to a crisp to remind us that he remains in the driver’s seat for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. That’s what you call an E-ZPass.

The Academy Award nominations are out, and they include an imposter. Who is this Mr. Steve McQueen we’ve been hearing so much about? The one we knew died in 1980, after a strong Hollywood career that included no Oscars despite fine performances from him in such hits as The Great Escape and Bullitt. He was especially good in roles in which he was not required to say more than a few words per scene if that many. It certainly worked in Bullitt, where even his girlfriend said next to nothing. She was played by Jacqueline Bisset, who clearly forgot that lesson during her appearance at the recent Golden Globes, proving once again that there are no roles for women in Hollywood after they pass a certain age. To be sure, she’s a Brit, and we can be grateful she did not disgrace the Crown and Union Jack the way her lush compatriot Ms. Emma Thompson did at said show, before a live television audience. Unlike Richard Burton, she couldn’t afford to waste good liquor, not even a dirty martini.

Just the sort of drum roll earned by the star of tonight’s show, a man going out at the top of his game after 24 years in Congress, representing the safest seat in the universe, facing next to no opposition over the years despite a career marked by street fights with former girlfriends and moronic attacks on the Jewish lobby, bouts of corruption and sweetheart dealing, fights on the floor with colleagues, even a son who wanted to fight someone whose face he didn’t like at victory headquarters on one of dad’s re-election nights. Besides being a Democrat, what was the secret of Jim Moran’s success? He took care of the federal workforce in his midst. Amazing what you can get away with if you feed the beast. He’ll probably wear his Enemy of the Week medal as a badge of honor. Unless he loses it in a fight.

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