The Bootblack Stand

The Bootblack Stand

By From the January-February 2014 issue

UPI
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Mr. Plunkitt—The press has latched on to my announcement that Amazon plans to use drones for delivery, but I don’t think they’ve quite grasped the significance. By stationing pods of the small aircraft throughout major metropolitan areas, we can get average delivery time down to about two minutes. Imagine the possibilities! About to be in a bar fight? Order the Terminator 15,000,000 V Stun Gun with LED Flashlight on Amazon for only $8.50—we’ll have it there before the first punch is thrown.And really, we offer an incredible selection of products. A plastic carton filled with 1,500 live ladybugs! A Sigmund Freud action figure! A 55-gallon drum of water-based lubricant! Inflatable plastic toast! A yodeling pickle! Four ounces of pure coyote urine!What conceivable use would anybody have for this stuff? Who the hell knows! The point is that they can get it right now.Jeff BezosAmazon CEOMr. Bezos—

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About the Author
Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, has recently retired from a staff position with the House Ethics Committee and is working on his memoirs. But he has graciously consented to once again advise American statesmen in these times of trouble. Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The American Spectator.