Enemy of the Week

Trigger Happy

Liberal rules are made to be traduced.

By 11.22.13


Yucky Harry comes down from Yucca Mountain and drops the Big One. All while his co-conspirators prepare to sign off on Iran’s nuclear option, both A-tests designed to provide protection from the Affordable Care Act’s accelerating particles of subterfuge, centrifuge, and other forms of deadly political radioactivity. And to add insult to impunity, last week’s EOW laureate, JFK the Second, has repudiated the Monroe Doctrine, and he didn’t even do so in Spanish, adding to conjectures he was really directing his remarks to aficionados of Miss Marilyn Monroe, a legend in her own time and ours, even as we commemorate the death of her old friend from Madison Square Garden birthday bashes, JFK the First.

In the category of empty gestures, the President of the United States on Wednesday bestowed Medals of Freedom on 16 figures of note, not all of whom were undeserving. Ernie Banks, in fact, should have been awarded a double-dose. Dean Smith was a loyal liberal in his day, pro-ERA, pro-nuclear freeze — straight from the NCAA basketball rulebook — but no question the man could coach, beautifully. Loretta Lynn had a tougher row to hoe than, say, Taylor Swift, but was also woman enough to take no guff from a man like Bill Clinton. So why was he honored? What great cause of freedom did he advance? That of presidents to go out on the town? To be disbarred? To torment the awarder? Or what about someone like Gloria Steinem, who best we can tell devoted her life to to sneering at the idea of any woman carrying her baby to term? Then there’s Oprah, forever the frustrated shopper. No disrespect intended. So rich, and so unhappy. What’s another presidential honor to confirm her in her permanent grievance state!

Doctrinaire Dem attack dogs just can’t keep themselves from flashing their lookist teeth at the mere mention of the sainted Ted Cruz. A few weeks ago we had to muzzle the New Yorker’s David Denby. Now in the December 5 issue of the esteemed New York Review, we find Michael Tomasky in need of obedience training for running his mouth without a leash. Like every lib who hasn’t been impounded, Tomasky too regards Cruz as the reincarnation of Sen. Joe McCarthy — “and he even looks a little like him,” Tomasky howls, “in the way his eyes slope downward from the top of his nose.” Down, boy.

Just as liberals reserve the right to break their own rules, so too does the NFL. On Sunday night, the visiting New England Patriots were ridden out of the game’s final play in a manner that suggested flagrant pass interference. Indeed, the referee closest to the play saw it exactly that way and threw a yellow flag. Upon which the other referees joined in to overrule their colleague, apparently on the grounds that there was no way they would remain alive if they permitted such a call against the home team. Besides, in the NFL’s eyes, the Patriots have all the standing of George Zimmerman. As JFK the First once said under different circumstances, life is unfair. Lesson confirmed.

Then again, in an earlier Sunday game, the NFL acted even more egregiously. In a key play late in the fourth quarter, the visiting San Francisco 49ers sacked the opposing quarterback who fumbled and the 49ers recovered, which likely clinched the game for them. It was a classic football play: a fierce rush against strong blocking that felled the QB as he panicked in the pocket. Oops, bad call. Play overturned. No fumble, no sack, instead personal foul, a 15 yard penalty, automatic first down, and the QB’s team goes on to win on a field goal. The 49er rusher’s sin? He failed to read the QB his Miranda rights. Or to provide comprehensive health insurance (the QB cut his lip, though perhaps he should sue the maker of his mouthpiece). The rusher’s now been fined by the league for doing his job and playing professional football the way it has always been played. Integrity rules the land.

And in the Senate we saw it displayed in its purest form, as rules once sacrosanct were overturned in mid-session by the side that’s happy to consider itself commissioner, referee, disciplinary committee, and death panel. And who’s their coach and steroid supplier? The aforementioned Harry Reid. To think he’s let his beautiful mind go to waste — to nuclear waste. We have no option but to award him this week’s EOW medal. He’s now eligible to win a Presidential Medal of Freedom from his team’s owner next year. We hope to be invited to the ceremony.

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