Enemy of the Week

Letting Their Guard Down

Pursuit of happiness isn't what it used to be.

By 11.8.13


They’re calling Terry McAuliffe’s victory “unexpectedly slim.” Which can only mean Chris Christie’s win was unsurprisingly fat. Even so, it went to Gov. Soprano’s head. “The party’s got to focus on winning again,” he said between moderate bites. Chewingly, he added: “Sometimes I feel like our party cares more about winning the argument than they care about winning elections.” Which explains why he declined to appear on behalf of Ken Cuccinelli during the Virginian’s late surge. That way he could make clear he cared more about winning the argument than he cares about another Republican winning an election.

What was the argument? Its latest incarnation seems to be that Cuccinelli was too easily identified as a Tea Party loser along the lines of neophytes Sharron Angle or Christine O’Donnell and thus undeserving of establishment Republican political and financial support. Besides, it’s always better when a super-sleazy Clinton moneybags carries the day. That way there’s always hope for what in Bill’s heyday were called “residuals.” With the straitlaced Tea Partiers, there’d be no fooling around.

We used to regard the august Mitt Romney as straitlaced as well, but without appreciating that the bodice he might be wearing is inside his head. He went on Meet the Press last Sunday to defend RomneyCare as superior to ObamaCare and rather shockingly to announce that his real plan all along was never to defund or repeal the latter but rather to tweak it in the direction of his own Care, the very same program the Obamaites now invoke to defend their CareCare. As he put it,

But my own plan was to say to each state, "You've got a requirement to move to a point where all your people are insured, and where you cover preexisting conditions. We're going to give you flexibility from the federal government level to help you be able to do so.”

So big of the feds to throw bones to the states. That’s what the originalist said on what we should call “Mitt the Press.” The Tea Party has its work cut out for it.

As for the rest of us, we can finally have closure on Romney’s bitter defeat last year. And don’t forget to throw away the key. Even better, at the rate Mitt’s going he’ll soon be entering McCain territory, if he hasn’t already, singing the praises of Chris Christie as the great Republican savior so soon after it was revealed that last year he regarded him as suspiciously dirty and physically gross. Christie meanwhile has done the predictable thing and committed to campaigning for Lindsey Graham. Are you ready, South Carolina? Republicans are in a good place, in good hands.

So long as Florida Sen. Bill Nelson doesn’t blame them for screwing up the ObamaCare launch. Said the new Abu Ghraib warden to Secretary Sebelius apropos the glitchers, “I want you to hold them to account. I want you to burn their fingers and make ’em pay…” Who taught the Democrats to speak this way? Bull Connor? Simon Legree? Barack Obama? Richie Incognito? Is there no end to their bullying?

In a nation of wimps, everyone’s a bully. Or maybe it’s the other way around. In any case, the proposition is being tested by the amazing Dolphins of Miami, where two beefy linemen have now seen their careers disabled for reasons no one in the blocking and tackling business can comprehend. What could be behind this increasingly suicidal urge to disarm football as we know it? There are clues everywhere. The effort to scalp the Redskins’ name. The endlessly repetitive stories about former players who can’t remember anything by writers who apparently can’t remember they’ve written the same story many times. And a final hint from an offensive lineman who really has traveled incognito. He played in two games this year for the Denver Broncos, and now has decided he’d rather retire from football than spend the rest of his playing days not playing. John Moffitt is his name, and here’s his story. He says he’s not happy, and boy we’d be miserable too if we had to share a roster spot on a winning team with the likes of Peyton Manning and St. Wes Welker. So who put him up to it? Read the story carefully. Midway down you’ll notice a little paragraph that reports Moffitt majored in sociology at Wisconsin (would that be the Lenin School?) and that “his world view was really shaped over the last couple of years when he began studying the writings of the Dalai Lama and Noam Chomsky.”

Noam Chomsky!? The same “antiwar activist” (and experimenter in Holocaust denial) who turns Saul Alinsky and Bill de Blasio and every progressive ever spawned into small fry? Where’s Edward Said when you need him? Will the NFL survive Noam Chomsky? His EOW prize may be the only thing that saves the league from canceled Super Bowls and goal posts torn down forever.

But be warned. Progressives specialize in late hits against the defenseless. In Noam Chomsky they have found their god. In today’s climate, it’s just a matter of time before he makes his universal presence felt. Of course, it'll all be worth it if in the end the likes of John Moffitt is finally happy.

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