Special Report

No Restroom for the Virtuous

Governor Moonbeam makes sexual fluidity official in planet California.

By 8.14.13

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We lost Pluto as a planet some years back. I can’t remember the nit astronomers picked with the large frozen rock named after Mickey’s dog when they voted it off the planetary island. But we still have nine planets if we count California, which we should.

Silliness knows no bounds on the left coast. There is no idea crack-pot enough not to be championed, even made law, in the nation’s most progressive and politically unhinged state. There apparently is no utter nonsense immune system in Sacramento. The latest evidence for this being a bill signed into law Monday by Governor Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown which declares that California school children are whatever sex they think they are, not necessarily the sex their anatomy assigns them to.

So henceforth and hereafter, if a government school student in California has a penis and testicles, he is not necessarily, as the entire human race has comfortably assumed for centuries, male. He is whatever he (or she) thinks she (or he) is, on any given day. The new expression for this sexual fluidity is “expressed gender.” If this sounds a lot like being able to say you are something that you aren’t, that’s because that’s just what this means.

Government school children in California may now use whichever restroom they choose and may go out for any boys or girls school athletic team they wish. This legislation was brought about for the care and comfort of what are called transgendered students, whether the transgendering has been surgical or just in the student’s mind. This fits neatly with the Gospel According to the Left, which holds that sex of the old-fashioned anatomical kind is of no account, that men and women and boys and girls are interchangeable, and there are all manner of niche sexes out there, combinations and permutations to be discovered, appreciated, and catered to. California may be the first state in the nation forced to outlaw personal pronouns, there being too many possibilities for the human mind to grapple with in its progressive precincts.

This surreal legislation, no one should be surprised, was written by a Democrat, one Assemblyman Tom Ammiano of -- big surprise coming here – San Francisco. (If California is a planet, San Francisco is its brightest and gaudiest ring.) Ammiano, who is gay, insists his legislation will make school life easier for transgendered students. He has so far, however, had little to say about the chaos this will cause the overwhelmingly larger group of students who are comfortable with the sex assigned to them at birth. Carlos Alcala, a spokesman for Ammiano, gave the following world-class understatement to the San Jose Mercury News: “Clearly, there are some parents who are not going to like it.” Ya think? Probably a student or two as well.

Alcala added, “We are hopeful school districts will work with them (parents, presumably) so students aren’t put in an uncomfortable position.” California school and state legislative officials are indeed working on this difficult mission. My sources in Sacramento tell me that restrooms in California schools and state buildings will soon carry the following designations: Men, Women, Whatever, Work in Progress, No Preference, I Feel Very Strongly Both Ways, Not Applicable, Ecumenical, and Who Am I to Say?

This is insane stuff, of course. Just one more indication of decadence in a culture growing more dysfunctional by the day. But folks in less febrile regions shouldn’t laugh too hard at California’s expense, though the temptation to do so is almost irresistible. California, as well as being its own planet, is also a leading cultural indicator. What starts in California eventually metastasizes to flyover America. Sadly, what happens in California does not stay in California. Would that it did. 

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About the Author

Larry Thornberry is a writer in Tampa.