The Current Crisis

Work in Progress

Dick's toes won't save Saddam this time.

By 3.28.02

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As the Clinton presidency recedes down the hallways of history to laughter and hisses I remain baffled by the residual figures who remain as authoritative voices in American media. One such is George Stephanopoulos, the ABC journalist who as a political operator prepared himself for journalism by deceiving journalists -- he admits it in his memoir. And then there is Dick Morris, the political sage who for six years has been retailing personal experiences from his days with the Clintons that are always supposed to shed light on the Clintons' most recent pratfall or felony. Morris has wrung more personal experiences out of his fugitive moments with these two crooks than seems plausible. Yet Fox News and the New York Post keep turning to him for golden nuggets. And do you remember how he exited the Clintons' employment? He was revealed as the habitué of a, shall we say, footloose hooker who allowed him to have his way with her toes. I have a poem in the works on him. Thus it begins:

He called me Dearie,
though his tastes were eerie.
For between my toes
I perchanced his nose.
He was on the telephone with the President.
Room service knocks on the door.
"Oh, Dick get off the floor."
"No, I'll have more, more, more."

This is my work in progress. Now the Clintons' successor has his work in progress, war with the owner of that aspirin factory whom neither Morris nor the Boy President perceived as anything but useful diversion from Monica.

Actually, our debonair President has more on his mind than the Rev. Osama bin Laden. He is contemplating the overthrow of Saddam Hussein. From all I have been able to ascertain from my spies throughout the government we shall strike before the end of the year. One of the things holding us back in the need to replenish our supplies of smart bombs, though some call them "brilliant bombs." They are directed by satellite guidance rather than lasers or visual guidance. They are effective despite weather conditions. They will be ready soon.

What is goading the White House is alarm over the possibility that Saddam is at work on weapons of mass destruction that could be used soon by terrorists. The Bush administration is making the civilized nations of the world aware of their peril. Whether they agree with Washington, Saddam does not have much time left to slink off into the Rev. bin Laden's hole. We remember 9/11, fellows.

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About the Author
R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. is the founder and editor in chief of The American Spectator. He is the author of The Death of Liberalism, published by Thomas Nelson Inc. His previous books include the New York Times bestseller Boy Clinton: the Political Biography; The Impeachment of William Jefferson Clinton; The Liberal Crack-Up; The Conservative Crack-Up; Public Nuisances; The Future that Doesn't Work: Social Democracy's Failure in Britain; Madame Hillary: The Dark Road to the White House; The Clinton Crack-Up; and After the Hangover: The Conservatives' Road to Recovery.