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Pariah Republicans

Why would most Jewish people prefer being attacked by a mob of contaminated turtles than be caught voting for a Republican?

By and 12.11.02

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Why would most Jewish people prefer being attacked by a mob of contaminated turtles than be caught voting for a Republican? Where does this dread and fear of Republicans come from? Ever since the presidency of FDR, which is now about 60 years ago, the Jews have had the fixed image in their minds of Democrats as the symbol of salvation and of Republicans as thieves, frauds, exploiters, lowlifes, and opportunists.

The truth is that the Jews are half-right if they are judging the Republicans of 60 years ago. But they act as if they left the country at that time and since then have been suffering from Alzheimer's. You don't have to buy a calendar to know that 60 years ago was not yesterday. The Jews are either oblivious to reality or feel such a panic attack just from hearing the word Republican that they quiver as if they were hit by lightning or got caught with an 11-year-old girl who just announced that she is pregnant. Both parties have changed since 60 years ago, the only difference being that the Republicans changed for the better and the Democrats changed for the worse.

If the Democrats had any respect for the truth they would drop the name "Democrat" and present the title to the Republicans, because Republicans stand for exactly the same policies that Democrats abandoned many years ago. Sixty years ago Roosevelt fought for the right of equal jobs for all minorities, but now Democrats have invented something called affirmative action, which should really be called negative retribution. It created something unheard of in a democracy. Affirmative action is not a fight for equality, it is a reward for irresponsibility. It claims to stand for equal opportunity. That is a fraud! It really stands for opportunity without equality, because it demands the right to deprive opportunity for anyone who cannot qualify as a minority.

Ironically the greatest defenders of affirmative action are the Jews, who feel so guilty for just making a living that they will do anything for someone labeled "minority," although they would never do it even for their own children. If their own child were 20 years old and refused to go to college, refused to get a job, and refused to get up in the morning, he would find himself not only thrown out of the house, he would more likely find himself thrown out of a window. But if he is a member of a minority, a Jew suddenly becomes his psychiatrist, benefactor, and fundraiser because without even knowing him a Jew feels that it is his own fault if somehow his back can't even get off the bed.

Giving, caring, sharing, and sacrifice are nurtured in the Jewish home to the point of harassment. That is why a Jew is like a man in a boxing ring fighting with his conscience about whether he has done enough to help. Which translated means every minority except the Jews. Since he is guilt-ridden for coming out of poverty he has to help other minority people as quickly as possible, and no matter how much he does he is always pleading forgiveness for not having done enough. That is why no Jew can think that affirmative action should also include the Jew. He feels that if he made it so can another Jew. And if the existence of anti-Semitism didn't stop him, it shouldn't stop you. But if he is Black, Hispanic, red, green or a mixture of orange and pink, a Jew is convinced that unless he can become a lawyer without passing the test he will be forced to remain a janitor in the building for the rest of his life.

The Jews are so guilt-ridden that they can't even remember their own victimization under the constant plague of anti-Semitism. They think of themselves as co-conspirators with the white Protestants who persecuted the minorities of this country, but they keep forgetting that they were never a member of that club. They are still never invited to join and even now most gentile clubs still have a hidden sign under the chief officers tablecloth that says, "No Jews Allowed." And what is still true of most country clubs was until recently true of what Jewish people faced when they were looking for a job. How could a thinking man manage to forget that until recently it was as hard for a Jew to get a job in a major corporation as it was for him to become the Pope? Almost every ad in the New York Times read "White Christian Only" 'til as late as 1960. Obviously they can't remember it because it might eliminate too many guilt trips a Jew can't live without.

As far as the Jews are concerned, the Democrats can't do any wrong and the Republicans can't do anything right. When it was discovered that the secretary of state to the elder President Bush somehow used that well-known epithet "F- the Jews," the popularity of the Bush administration couldn't withstand the shock and its leaders were condemned by the Jews as hopeless anti-Semites who would have been hung if this were a society of decent people. But when Hillary Clinton was caught making blatantly vulgar anti-Semitic remarks, Jews reacted with contempt not for her but for the people who had the nerve to publicly mention it. When the headlines quoted her as calling someone an "F---ing Jew bastard," after he offered to take the lie detector test and passed it with such high honors that if he was in college it would have made him the Valedictorian, it still didn't stop her. She then claimed that he was not only a liar but also a thief, a lowlife, and a degenerate, unaware that she was stealing all the names that her husband had been called for eight years. Even if she went from house to house calling every Jew the same names she had called this innocent man, it couldn't diminish her popularity among Jews for a second. She already had bought immunity from prosecution from any Jew the day that the word Democrat was attached to her name.

The proof is that even after she hugged Yassar Arafat's wife, kissed her and praised her and even after she demanded a Palestinian state before even asking to protect Jewish lives from suicide bombers, she still wound up with by far the majority of the Jewish vote in her senatorial campaign. If she were a Republican the whole American army wouldn't have been armed with enough equipment to protect her. It has been proven a hundred times that a Republican can't get more than 30% of the Jewish vote even if he saved every Jew from drowning.

The Prime Minister of Israel Yitzhak Rabin once confided to us during a private meeting that the two presidents that did the most to save the state of Israel were Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon. But if this information was blasted into every Jewish home in America, 30% will still be the fence that no Republican could ever climb over, because it is a hopeless case if you happen to be a Republican.

Nobody in America including the Jews themselves has worked harder than Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell to support the state of Israel. They have dedicated almost every sermon, every speech and every prayer fighting for the Israeli side in every argument about the state of Israel. But the Jews suffer from such blank prejudice towards Republicans that they can't accept what they are hearing. They believe that Hillary Clinton while desperately campaigning for the Jewish vote is suddenly telling the truth, because somehow a Democrat can't lie. But these two religious ministers who are bringing a message which comes from what they interpret as the word of God and the words of their scriptures are suspected of having some mysterious hidden agenda and therefore shall not be trusted. In plain English when they hear the word Republican, especially when connected with the words "far right," to the Jews Republicans become more dangerous than leprosy and they feel they better get out of town before they catch it.

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About the Author

Jackie Mason is a comedian.

About the Author

Raoul Felder is a lawyer.