Enemy of the Week

Don’t Mention It

So much goes without saying when you're living history and being shaken down.

6.13.03

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As they're about to find out upstairs, David Brinkley had a devilish side that endeared him to legions of viewers. Most famously it was revealed in the one-two punch he landed on the mug of the reelected co-presidency in the early hours of election night 1996. No sooner did Bill Clinton deliver his victory speech than Brinkley scoffed at the idea of four more years of "wonderful inspiring speeches full of wit, poetry, music, love and affection. More goddamn nonsense." Signing off, he paid tribute to his ABC colleagues, whose creativeness he contrasted to the re-elected one: "Bill Clinton has none of it, he has not a creative bone in his body. Therefore, he's a bore and will always be a bore." It was the ultimate insult, even if no one quite knew what Brinkley meant by it.

Perhaps by "bore" he meant "boor," which in his understanding might have been the same thing. What's more, until then no one had ever thought to think of Clinton as anything but creative, what with his ability to be all things to all people at all times. But Brinkley had standards, and knew the difference between artful and art. The incident is not mentioned in lying Hillary's memoir.

Hillary's doing very well, thank you. Thanks to Dick Morris, we now know that Hillary is a candidate for the Nobel conflict resolution prize that eluded her legal husband. He describes how Bill tackled him back in 1990 and was all set to pummel him, when Hillary jumped in between them and told Bill to back off. He heeled on command. In those days Bill was a mere governor and possessor of no cruise missiles, so Morris's aspirin factory remained intact. The incident goes unmentioned in lying Hillary's memoir.

A similar altercation occurred between Bill Clinton and Juanita Broaddrick, and because Mrs. Clinton could not intervene in time it turned ugly. Just don't call it rape. That's the implication we get from a sedated Camille Paglia, who in reviewing Lying Hillary, refers to Ms. Broaddrick as someone "who claims to have been injured by Bill in an Arkansas hotel room." Injured? No wonder he recommended ice. As Hillary might have put it, it was another way Bill ministered to people. But we'll never know, since the incident is not mentioned in lying Hillary's memoir.

Sen. John F. Kerry (just don't call this giraffe a frog) paid tribute to the traveling Clinton presidency by revisiting the famed tarmac haircuttery presided over by Monsieur Christophe, and spending some $80 pilfered from his wife's purse for a trim of the hedge atop his head. Inexplicably, though Mrs. Clinton's memoir is clogged with hair news, Christophe goes unmentioned in Lying Hillary.

Not to belabor the point, but she has nothing nice to say about Johnny Edwards either. According to Drudge, a vast right wing delivery system all by himself, the hairbrushed Johnny received a $7,500 book advance from Hillary's publisher. It had to come from petty cash, since the rest of Simon & Schuster's hard currency had already been transferred to Hillary's slush vaults.

Not only his self-respect, but Edwards' future as a jury-gouging trial lawyer is now in jeopardy. The last time he'd settled for such a piddling fee he was in pre-school, right there next to the mill where daddy put in 36 hour work days -- after hours. Unfortunately, George W. Bush's political future is now also at stake, given that this staggering gap between rich and poor elite Democrats has occurred under his economic watch. Worse still, Democrats have located the missing WMD. They've labeled them "tax cuts." Serves Bush right for trying to plant them.

It used to be in Washington that if you wanted a friend you got yourself a dog. Well, Hillary found out that didn't work in her case, since the dog they got turned out to be partial to Bill. So she went out and got herself a lawyer. Now in her book she confesses that aside from her legal husband, David Kendall "was the only person with whom I could talk freely." What isn't mentioned in Lying Hillary is that all this free talk comes attached with a gulping price tag. We'd guess somewhere in the vicinity of $8 million, and counting. So who's the cad, Clinton or Kendall? A guy who cheats or a guy who charges? Kendall has been going steady with Hillary for nearly a decade, exclusively on her dime. Some might think him a kept man. Does this make him a bore, a boor, or the latest Enemy of the Week?

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