Enemy of the Week

Payback Time

Taking care of new unfinished business.

By 5.21.04

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It could have been worse for Ahmed Chalabi, recent target of the most noted raid by uniformed U.S. forces since the kidnapping of Elian Gonzalez. He could have been on the receiving end of a dressing down from Nancy Pelosi. But let's be serious for a moment. Is this the way we now practice conflict resolution -- by hitting the ally who led us on and then let us down? But what about those who allowed themselves to be misled? Is losing on November 2 the only risk they face?

One has to wonder who'll be targeted next. The American Enterprise Institute? The offices of the Weekly Standard? The University of Chicago? All three were well-known redoubts of early Chalabi enthusiasts.

Bush and onetime backers now deemed disloyal could follow the example of John Kerry and Ralph Nader, who met and smiled at each other. No one fired any shots, nor did one seize the other's computers or holy books. They got on so swimmingly that either could serve as the other's vice-presidential mate. This would leave Howie Dean the odd man out, true, but then again that's the only position that ever gave him an in.

Back to Rep. Pelosi: It's solely because she's a woman that people are overreacting to her recent comments without treating them with the respect they deserve. Psy-war specialists can't account for Nurse Nancy's bruised feelings. Perhaps they should listen to the Arab street, where there is widespread relief that Nancy was never assigned to Abu Ghraib. It's just that when someone represents San Francisco, you never can tell.

Nancy joined 47 Catholic Democratic colleagues in penning a letter to the very busy Cardinal McCarrick demanding that unnamed bishops get off their case and give them communion even if 45 of them are actively pro-abortion, in clear violation of every church law known to God and man. The Congressional 48 then threatened to foment anti-Catholic violence throughout the land if the unnamed bishops didn't cave in. Whereupon, in response to their insolence and provocation, McCarrick promptly caved and agreed to meet with the 48. Any chance he'll give them the Chalabi treatment?

The famous Cannes film festival was home to American royalty this week. Michael Moore, fresh from starring as Agent 00000000007 (girth has its requirements), was all set to steal the show when the official U.S. representative, Ms. Alexandra Kerry, appeared on the runway, in a modest gown. Her father contends it would make a lovely first communion dress. Cardinal McCarrick, over to you.

The NBA playoff wars entered their fourth month. The league's MVP, Kevin Garnett, also leads the league in post- and pre-game verbal atrocities. When earlier in the month he praised his opponents with these words, "They were bombing threes like Hiroshima," there was no fallout. Not so after the drive-by rap he delivered last Monday, before a final Game 7 showdown. "This is it," he responded. "It's for all the marbles. I'm sitting in the house loading up the pump, I'm loading up the Uzis, I've got a couple of M-16s, couple of nines, couple of joints with some silencers on them, couple of grenades, got a missile launcher. I'm ready for war."

Soon enough he was forced to disarm, everything except the missile launcher, with which he scored 32 points in leading his team to victory. "It was one-sided thinking on my part," he said in his apology. "… I was totally thinking about basketball, not reality."

But it was reality. Not that long ago, the NBA's commissioner was Mr. Larry O'Brien, a former member of the Kennedy cabinet. Fittingly enough, he had been Postmaster General, back in the days when NBA players mailed it in. But now it's a new era, one that demands new leadership. Mr. Garnett sounded the right tone. His league just needs Donald Rumsfeld to run it. Under Big Dog (not to be confused with Glenn "Big Dawg" Robinson of the 76ers), every team would think it's on a special mission and none would have to carry more than a bare minimum of players on its roster. Best of all, teams would continue to showcase song girls, but Nancy Pelosi would never be among them. As this week's EOW, she's been declared ineligible.

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