Despite the many indignities a night spent in a jail cell with a group of lefty protesters can visit upon a political writer, it is good for a couple things. First, it helps keep one's thumb on the pulse of the legion of Chomsky-fed college students, the young, restless, and bored who Democrats seem so intent on getting out to the polls this fall. Of course, these folks will never actually vote, but they make for colorful copy. Secondly, professional protesters, perhaps due to a lack of employment, give great movie recommendations.
Take for example, The Last Supper, a quaint little feature from 1996 wherein a group of five liberal grad students decide to begin inviting conservatives over to their house for dinner every Sunday. Once there, they engage the right-winger in conversation on "life current events, the environment." If by the end of the meal the guest hasn't seen the error of his wicked conservative ways, the grad students kill him and turn him into fertilizer for their backyard tomato garden.
The liberals in The Last Supper take the old ethics quandary -- if you met Hitler in Austria in 1909, would you kill him to prevent World War II? -- and twist it into a preemptive strike on anyone standing in the way of progressivism. It's a movie all journalists should be forced to watch before chanting the oft-repeated lore of the 2004 election cycle that liberal wackiness and unrestrained hatred towards all things right is a brand new phenomenon.
"Think about all the right-wing a**holes the world would be better off without if someone had wasted them before they did any real harm," one student muses as they begin to plot their detour from their Master's work into serial murder.
It is simple to see why the anger brigades of the protest movement find this film so appealing. The conservatives in the film bear more of a resemblance to the papier-mâché puppets and paranoid conspiracy theories on display at any far left event than to actual people. In this imagined world, conservatives are Holocaust deniers, racists, religious fundamentalists, and against any sort of women's rights. One refers to feminists as "lesbians who love plaid." In a particularly galling scene, another explains that all rape allegations are made up. "Isn't violating a woman's body wrong?" a grad student asks. You kidding?
In short, conservatives are uncultured and uncouth. When one of the liberals tells the first conservative victim that they are grad students, he shoots back, "What's that?" Later when as they sit down to dinner, the conservative has the gumption to say, "Aren't you forgetting something?" meaning grace, Cameron Diaz explains to him, slowly, "We eat our salad after our meal, European style." Not surprisingly, the dumb schlock doesn't get it, and starts ranting about the Jews and his time fighting in Desert Storm.
"Was that really a war?" one of the students asks. "I thought it was just a campaign commercial for the Republican Party." Yucks all around.
OF COURSE, TO MAKE this a bit more palatable, days after they kill him the group finds out that the conservative was a child killer. But the quick succession of victims, dispatched with homicidal glee, are less outside the mainstream. Seinfeld's Jason Alexander is put to death for being insensitive to the plight of the spotted owl. A librarian is poisoned for calling The Catcher in the Rye "mean-spirited." A society must have standards, after all. That abortion protester? Not their kind of dissent. Off with her head.
"These aren't people," one of the students snarls. "They're people who hate."
It's not until half the house wants to put a high school girl to death for campaigning against sex education in her school that any sort of inner moral alarm goes off. The girl is freed and the grad students begin to go their separate ways until a chance encounter gives them the opportunity to kill a Rush Limbaugh-type conservative radio host. Alas, he is too charming and sensible, and the students do not kill him. "We're liberals," one pleads. "We're the ones who do the right thing."
The host walks away free. It is only later, when he has become president of the United States and we hear his voice whipping the masses into a nationalistic furor at a Nuremberg like rally, that it becomes clear: they should have killed him when they had the chance. You can't trust these conservatives, you know. Even when they sound completely and utterly reasonable, they are charting the apocalypse. It's no wonder the frothing at the mouth lefties enjoys this film so much. It confirms them in their paranoia.
So, from my jail cell to yours, The Last Supper is my video pick of the month. May you be allowed to live to see it.
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