Eminentoes

She’ll Be Goin’ ‘Round the Bend

Cindy Sheehan withdraws from anti-war movement to create anti-sanity movement.

By 7.16.07

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Former anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan, who formally quit the anti-war movement in May, today announced that she is putting all of her energy into a new campaign "to combat sanity, reason and common sense in all of their virulent and oppressive forms."

"I will not sit by and watch as this country is governed by a spirit of reasoned compromise reached through rational and calm debate," Sheehan announced through a cardboard paper towel tube while spraying reporters with a garden hose in a gas station parking lot outside Crawford, Texas.

"The Bush administration and its friends in corporate America have brainwashed this country into believing that behaving in a sane and rational manner somehow makes sense. Well it doesn't make sense to me!

"Today I demand the immediate withdrawal of this country from all sane policies, treaties, laws, court rulings, legal agreements and color schemes. And if Nancy Pelosi doesn't meet my demands by 12:07 p.m. last Thursday, I will set free all the frogs in Watersmeet, Wisconsin!"

Contacted for comment, Watersmeet, Mich., mayor Elbert Juneberry said, "First off, we're in Michigan! Second, she can have our Northern Spring Peeper, but I'll be damned if I'll let that woman take a single one of our Western Chorus Frogs! We've only just trained three of them to sing 'She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain!' Let's see those bastards in Wisconsin do that!"

Pelosi spokesman Todd Hinkelginny would say only, "Thank you, God! Or, um, Tony Randall, or whoever you are! We're going to look moderate next year for sure, now!"

Back in Crawford, Sheehan began quilting a giant "Anti-Sanity Rug" made "to cover up the lies and deceit coming from The White Hou.... oh, look, fairies! Come, little ones, spirit me away to your glorious world of truth and beauty and peace! All hail King Kucinich, lord of the fairies!"

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About the Author

Andrew Cline is editorial page editor of the New Hampshire Union Leader. You can follow him on Twitter at @Drewhampshire.