Political Hay

Restore Al Gore

A screwball comedy in time for Campaign 2008.

By 11.6.07

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I'll admit it. As a huge fan of 1930s music and movies, I've always dreamt of being a lyricist, a la Ira Gershwin or Dorothy Fields. These folks produced songs that were incorporated by Hollywood into what are often referred to as "screwball comedies"; essentially plotless vehicles for great tunes and snappy repartee.

What passed for plots often featured mistaken identities and usually included parodies of the rich as clueless and helpless, unable to navigate life without the help of the common everyman: see It Happened One Night or almost any Astaire and Rogers musical.

Recent reports that the "draft Al Gore" movement is gaining steam, filled me with nostalgia for a winsome time gone by; a harkening back to the days when class envy was the stuff of Hollywood inanity and not the tactical weapon of a political party. I thought that maybe this was worthy of its own holiday song.

I picture the setting as a kind of Holiday Inn thing; with liberal pundits -- who, like Bing Crosby's character, shun any real work except for a few days a year -- sitting around a fireplace and each taking a verse or chorus. The song would start out with a romantic, tinkling-piano intro sung sweetly by say, Donna Brazile, then segue into a rousing blockbuster. Kinda like this:

Autumn leaves are falling and the Yule log's on the fire;
The air is filled with whiffs of potpourri;
Yet the holiday attire only fills me with desire,
For the not-so-favorite son of Tennessee...Gee!

Oh, come on back big Albert, to the folks who adore you;
The greenies and the Deanies are the ones who implore you!
The only thing to set our hearts aflutter will be:
Oh! Re-store, Al Gore to me!

The way your former party-mates are underperforming;
We need a shot of ultra-hot political warming;
You needn't be an alpha male-type genius to see:
Oh! Re-store, Al Gore to me!

Without you by our side our days are full of hand wringing;
And speaking truth to power is no more;
If you would just declare, the netroots gang would start pinging:
"The happy singing, that you'd be bringing!"

If you don't join the race our only hope is Ralph Nader;
From Hillary to Johnnie E. there's no one to cater;
They're not enough to fool the rank and file bourgeoisie:
Oh! Re-store, Al Gore to me!

Your campaign might be lacking bucks but you'll never let it
Go down the tubes when you can use that carbon guilt credit;
That your devoted donors buy from your company:
Oh! Re-store, Al Gore to me!

With Nobel Prize in hand you bring an air of defiance;
That even right wing nuts cannot deny;
The inconvenient truth is that you walk with the giants:
"Your sweet alliance, with men of science!"

You are the global leader of the climate-change choirs;
And all of those whose minds are closed are out-and-outliers;
Then there's that golden statue from the Academy:
Oh! Re-store, Al Gore to me!

The DLC and Harold Ford may say you're a whacko;
But you can snuff them like a puff of Carthage tobacco;
For Christmas all I want beneath my carbon-based tree:
Oh! Re-store, Al Gore to me!

Lisa Fabrizio is a columnist who hails from Connecticut. You may write her at mailbox@lisafab.com.

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About the Author

Lisa Fabrizio is a columnist who hails from Connecticut (mailbox@lisafab.com).