Eminentoes

Madonna Embarrassed by Fully Clothed Photos

Talk about your bad career move.

By 5.5.08

LONDON -- Madonna said in a statement released today that she was "embarrassed" by the recent publication of photos showing her fully clothed.

"I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic,' and now, seeing the photos and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed," the 49-year-old pop star said in a prepared statement. "I apologize to my fans, who expected more from me and less from my wardrobe."

The photos, published in the latest issue of Vanity Fair magazine, show Madonna clothed from head to toe, not an inch of cleavage visible. Not even an ankle.

"I'm completely disillusioned," said famous blonde woman Paris Hilton. "I'm not even sure what that means, but I heard someone say it once. Something about being annoyed with somebody, I think? Anyway, like, I totally idolized Madonna when I was a girl and, like, based my whole career on her, you know? I mean, except for the part about singing catchy pop tunes and putting on sharply choreographed live shows that millions would pay to see. Pretty much just the tramp part, basically. I mean, look at me. I'm totally naked right now! And now you tell me, like, Madonna posed with all her clothes on? What if this catches on? How am I going to get everyone to pay attention to me if I have to cover my body with colored fabrics like all the other girls do?"

Though Vanity Fair readers are not Madonna's normal target audience of teen girls, the photos were widely distributed through the Internet, allowing her fans to see a side that the singer does not normally reveal.

"Wow, I didn't know she even owned pants," said 17-year-old Kyra Hollar of Brentwood, Calif. "Ones you can't rip off in one swift motion, anyway."

Forty-year-old Julie Tyngsbridge of Chicago said, "My grandmother is the woman who taught me to grow old with dignity. Madonna is the woman who showed me that it's a lot more fun to just pretend you're still 19 and hope nobody notices. As someone who grew up with a dresser full of bustiers and miniskirts, I have to say that I sure hope that girl Miley Cyrus isn't watching Madonna now. She might get the impression that a woman's path to fame, fortune, and happiness doesn't involve removing your clothes to fulfill the sexual fantasies of total strangers. Boy would THAT wreck her career faster than you can say 'casting couch!' "

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About the Author

Andrew Cline is editorial page editor of the New Hampshire Union Leader. You can follow him on Twitter at @Drewhampshire.