The Nation's Pulse

Can America Come to Its Census?

Just in case this election has not been alarming enough.

By 11.4.08

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As Doctor Livingstone famously responded, "Never presume." Most of us tend to presume good faith on the part of opponents and often pay a high price for naïveté. Just because you wait for the green light to cross does not assure that the driver bearing down will treat his red with the same respect.

Just in case this election has not been alarming enough, with Democrats selling their phony tax cuts to a strangely gullible populace, I invite you to join me in absolute horror. My Democrat sources have just revealed to me a plan to hijack the census in 2010 and to move vast amounts of electoral votes from red to blue states.

To start at the beginning, with each passing day Democrat friends have been taunting me more mordantly. The polls have consistently favored Obama, building their confidence. As they become more convinced that victory will be theirs, they become less restrained in their modes of expression.

This weekend I was briefly excited by the one-day Zogby poll which showed McCain ahead by a point. I made the mistake of citing this to a Democrat operative. He laughed mockingly, and added this ominous line: "Not only is this election in the bag, we have a plan to guarantee Democrat victories for years to come."

"What are you talking about?"

"The census in 2010, brother."

Here is the scenario. Beginning in 2009, they will start planting articles in the media about how minorities have historically been intimidated by the census. They will interview people in black and Hispanic neighborhoods who explain they never trusted the government in the past. They were afraid their information would be used against them, especially if they had relatives of "intermediate" immigration status.

All that has changed now, will be the theme. The Obama administration is reaching out to everybody, every citizen, to be sure they are not disenfranchised. Huge grants will be given to ACORN-like groups to help educate and sensitize minority groups into the importance of participating in the census.

Another set of articles will appear, quizzing both census-takers and residents. They will be full of heart-warming stories of families who have been here for generations but only now are standing up to be counted. It feels good to sign up for the first time, now in the new America, the country that has matured and finally blossomed into a true land of opportunity.

If anyone grumbles too loudly at these reports, they will be portrayed as racist Scrooges who want to keep a permanent underclass uncounted and unrepresented. This will be a poignant reminder that America has not quite succeeded yet in fully eradicating its discriminatory and xenophobic tendencies.

At the end of the day, the Democrat White House and the Democrat Congress will find that many electoral votes need to shift from red states to blue states. This will be particularly true in states that also have a legislature controlled by Democrats who can then rearrange the Congressional districts in ways that guarantee their party a lot of easily held seats.

No one has the slightest inkling that this is in the cards, and the McCain-Palin campaign never raises the census as an issue. Yet when I heard this gleeful boast I was immediately overcome by the sickening realization: this is definitely plausible and there is nothing we can do to stop it in its tracks.

In truth, political paranoia has never been my cup of tea. But even after drinking the reasonable brand, the tea still leaves leaves. Failure to read them may leave the Republicans on ice for years to come.

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About the Author

Jay D. Homnick, commentator and humorist, is a frequent contributor to The American Spectator.