Current Wisdom

Current Wisdom

By From the April 2013 issue

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Huffington Post

The solitary vice as practiced by an anonymous source in bed but fully clothed and dwelling on The Immensities:

I settle back in bed, fully clothed, under the sheets, and get ready for what I love most in the world: writing. When I’m writing, I have the impression of being nothing and everything, a man and a woman, a boy and a girl, young and old, gay and straight, totally free. A form of freedom. When I write, I feel like an “address unknown,” like I have no fixed identity anymore. It’s a feeling of happiness.

François calls. I’m in the middle of a sentence that is giving me trouble, so I don’t answer. He leaves a message asking if I plan on attending the sit-in to protest homophobia at 2 p.m. in front of the National Assembly. I tell him I’m not sure, that I hadn’t heard about it, that I’m not really an activist, that I’m working, etc. His texts are insistent. It’s important, he says.

(February 21, 2013)


The Nation

While innocently traipsing across the gloomy pages of The Nation one trips across a priceless jewel of feminist garbagespiel hidden between two paragraphs, one on Erotic Photography 2 and the other on “Suspended Disbelief,” and is rewarded by the musings of a stunted sex maniac:

Nothing scatters the gloom like the beauty of a woman at home in her skin. Sleek women, dimpled women; women on the phone half dressed, in tatty motels, in blue panties as if on a break from the action in old porn, [sic] amusing in stylizations à la Botticelli, laughing together as if ripped from mementos in a commune scrapbook. Large women, enormous women; women with hair, in strained cardigans or summer dresses, with dirty feet, with clean feet, doing contortions in surreal parlors, or walking away, an ordinary figure crossing an ordinary room’s threshold on an ordinary day. Women so caressed by the camera you swear you could touch them, so dreamy underwater they rob your breath, so unguarded gazing back at the photographer you feel like an intruder retrieving a Polaroid from among an old lover’s things.

(February 18, 2013)


New York Review of Books

On the Fantasy Page of the legendary NYRB, Miss Elizabeth Drew presents her version of the political party that controls the majority of governors’ mansions (30), the majority of state legislatures (Republican 27, Democrats 17), the House of Representatives, the Supreme Court, and probably Miss Drew’s local source of tranquilizers, after an election in which the Prophet Obama won 3,591,303 fewer votes than in 2008:

The spectacle of the Republicans, like teenagers longing to be invited to the prom, floundering about in search of more popularity with American voters, would be comical if it didn’t reflect a near collapse of a workable political system. The Republicans are angry. They had firmly believed that the voters wouldn’t possibly reelect Barack Obama for a second term and that they would retake the Senate. Erroneous polling assumptions fueled their dreams of controlling both of the elected branches, giving them power to reverse most or all of Obama’s policies and impose their own philosophy on the economy. Exhilarated going into election night, they were totally unprepared for the thumping loss they sustained.

(March 21, 2013)

The Nation

Stream of consciousness as practiced by Patricia J. Williams as part of her ongoing therapy at the Nation magazine and support group:

We know that the war on drugs is heavily inflected with Jim Crow-ism, economic inequality, gun culture myths and political opportunism. We know that Adam Lanza’s unfortunate mother was not the sole Newtown resident stocking up on military-style weapons; plenty of suburban gun owners keep similar weapons to protect their well-kept homes against darkly imagined, drug-addled marauders from places like Bridgeport. We divert resources from mental health or rehab, and allocate millions to militarize schools.

The result: the war on drugs has metastasized into a war on children.

(March 4, 2013)


Yahoo! Shine

Another irresistible scam on behalf of Humanity that, in the Age of Obama, ought to be good for whole percentage points added to the national debt once the Democrats get word of it:

A Berlin family of three has been living on practically nothing but love and the goodwill of others for more than two years and counting—not as victims of the rough economy, but as activists who are on a money strike to protest what they call our “excess-consumption society.”

“As consumers, we support the system, and we are all responsible for making a wasteful society,” Raphael Fellmer, 29, told Yahoo! Shine. “This strike is to inspire other people to reflect about our other possibilities.”

Fellmer, who said he’d held jobs since he was 12 years old, began his protest after years of working in hotels, bars, restaurants and various offices. In 2010, after graduating from college in the Hague as a European Studies major, he and two friends embarked upon a 15-month “journey of humanity” to raise awareness of environmental destruction….

(February 21, 2013)


The Garden Island

(Kauai, Hawaii)

President Barack Obama’s speechwriting prodigy, Jon Favreau, finally finds peace in old Hawaii:

A flash of a smile

I’m awfully little. Awfully cute. Pretty darn old—in years, not in spirit.

I’ve got a great galloping grin and a ho-ho hearty laugh. Just ask Kimo and Jeffrey Pears.

I also live in old Hawai’i, surrounded by dogs, cats, horses, cows, goats, kids, an occasional fly away Macaw, joggers, bikers and hikers. My green valley—so small, so curvy, so narrow, so rich with natural beauty, human and otherwise—is an island treasure.

I request therefore, in this brief epistle, more and more of you driving down my road obey the 10-mile-an-hour speed limit. Slow down.

A flash of a smile and a wave of a friendly hand, will send you on your way.

Enjoy. Enjoy.

Please.

Peace and love
Bettejo DuxKalaheo

(February 11, 2013)


The Carteret County 
News-Times

(Morehead City, North Carolina)

The effluvia trapped inside the cranial cavity of a proud member of the Moron Vote is painfully dislodged onto paper with the surprising revelation that this idiot actually owns a telephone:

Republicans and “so-called” conservatives are at it again. They are claiming that the Constitution gives people the right to have guns without the permission of the government. If that were true, then how could New York and Chicago have laws against it?

We Democrats are sick and tired of Republicans constantly using the Constitution to cover up their true plans, which are to make us all afraid of everyone else. Our great president came from a civilized part of the country where there is strict gun control, and he is only trying to bring the benefits of that more modern way of living to the rest of us. I don’t know the exact statistics, but I’m quite certain that Chicago is a lot safer that Morehead City, when it comes to gun violence.

But do Republicans and conservatives listen to the voice of reason? No, of course not. All they want to do is whine and complain about how gun control and wealth redistribution violate the Constitution, as if the Constitution were all that great, anyway. There are a lot of things that need to be changed about the Constitution, I’d say, and President Obama needs to change it.

The Republicans are just trying to stand in the way, because the president is black. They even dared to question whether he was born in this country. I think all this demonstrates that the Constitution needs to be amended when it comes to the qualifications for being president. Right now, it says that a person has to be 35 years old and be a natural born citizen. Well, that is obviously unfair because there are a great many otherwise qualified people who cannot run for president because their mothers had to have a C-section. But because the Constitution was written a hundred years ago, nobody even thought of the discrimination that would result from a doctor having to deliver a baby in this unnatural way. Now that we Democrats are in control of the government, that’s just one more thing we should change in our drive to make life fair.

Please withhold my name because I don’t want to get crank calls.

Proud To Be A Democrat

(January 23, 2013)


San Francisco Chronicle

Academic news from a campus aspiring to Ivy League status:

By day, Kyle McCabe is a sophomore student at the college of New Jersey in Ewing Township. By night, he’s the president of his very own startup called “Condam,” which is short for “Condom Ambulance.” McCabe describes Condam as an “emergency contraceptive delivery service”—hence the flashing siren on his head during deliveries.

Students can place orders online at Condam.net, and they can choose from a wide selection of condom types and flavors. There’s also a “Discrete Delivery” [sic] option, in which McCabe delivers the condoms to the student’s door without the blue siren on his head.

(February 14, 2013)

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