So you want to be a journalist — or you are one now?

In light of the news that the media finds that Sean Hannity’s friendship with Trump lawyer Michael Cohen should have been noted in every Hannity-Cohen interview, and with the news that the Guardian is now making Hannity’s private real estate dealings a news story? Now the new rules of journalism are clear — and the Trump Administration is responding quickly.

Henceforth, all practicing journalists in the United States must fill out a required Form for Transparent Journalism and file with the U.S. Office of Journalism that the Trump Administration has now established by executive order within the Department of Justice, retroactive to April 1, 2018. It is known informally as “The Hannity Rule.”

The form is reprinted below:

US Government Form 666
Department of Justice
Office of Journalism

FORM FOR TRANSPARENT JOURNALISM

1. Are you now or have you ever slept with a journalist of any gender? If yes, please supply names, dates, locations.
2. If you have ever dated or married a journalist, political consultant, bureaucrat, lobbyist, educator, lawyer, doctor, businessman, media executive, waitress, waiter, air conditioning maintenance technician, bank teller, maid, butler, camp counselor, nanny, movie or television star or other, please list along with filling out another list of that person’s clients. Also, how much money does your spouse or significant other earn per year and from what institution? Has your media outlet ever mentioned your wife’s employer and your connection to him or her? Please be precise.
3. Have you ever purchased property ever owned, rented, or leased by a lobbyist, a government official, a political consultant, a man, woman, gay, transgender or foreign person?
4. If living in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area, an area where slavery and segregation were once legal, have you ever purchased property that once had racial restrictions on the deeds? There is a separate apology form attached if you have participated unknowingly in such abject racism. If you were in fact aware of the history of your property deed, you will be required to resign immediately and barred from journalism for life.
5. What bank or banks do you use? What is their financial history? Who are the officers and directors of the bank and, if you are now a practicing journalist, has your news organization ever covered the bank or any of its leaders and not disclosed your interest in the bank? Please specify accounts held — checking, savings, certificates of deposit or other. Have you ever personally benefited from a service provided by the U.S. Government? If so, please begin your list with the U.S. Post Office and any other government services you have used.
6. How much are you worth? Please list all your assets in exact amounts. Please list any media coverage provided to those institutions holding your financial assets.
7. What model car do you drive? What year? What color? Please specify the miles per gallon. Please list any stories your news outlet has done on the carmaker.
8. When at the grocery store do you use plastic or paper? Please specify and explain.
9. Of your circle of friends, how many are A) lobbyists, B) political hacks, C) bureaucrats, D) sources, E) gay, straight, or transgender, F) white, black, brown, yellow, red or other. G) If none of the latter races, please explain what they are and why. And H). Please list hair color and heights of same so that we may make sure there is no racial, gender, height or hair discrimination in your past or current status.
10. Please list and explain your television viewing habits or streaming version of same. Fox? CNN? MSNBC? ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS? If you know any of the people you have watched on these channels, please explain how you know them, when you met them, and any other conflicts of interest that could arise. Do you watch any of these channels in secret and not tell your spouse or friends? If so, which ones and why.
11. What is fake news and, if currently a journalist, why do you report fake news?
12. Who has better hair? Sean Hannity, Anderson Cooper or Jeff Zucker? Please explain.
13. Who founded Facebook? Zuckerberg or Gutenberg?
14. How much red meat do you consume a week and why?
15. Please list frequency and type of alcohol consumption. Wine, beer, or hard liquor? Please specify by brand and price.
16. Bottled water or tap? Please explain.
17. Have you now or ever worn artificial fabrics when you had the choice of natural fabrics?
18. If an older white male, did you ever own a leisure suit?
19. Who is God? Katharine Graham or Rupert Murdoch? Please explain your belief.
20. Would you wear a “Make America Great Again” hat to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner? If not, please explain why.
21. What is a porn star? If you know the answer, please supply a list of all pornography you have ever watched or stumbled on by “accident” along with your age when watched.

Thank you. A more detailed form, Form 666-A, will be required for submission after you have completed Form 666 and complied with The Hannity Rule.

Note, while the offices for this new bureau are being made available, in the interim please return this form when completed to the following address for this new government bureau:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

PERSONAL ATTN: DJT
CC: SH