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The Nation's Pulse
St. Patrick’s Day Scrooge
Will it be any less of a debauch falling on a Sunday?
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, if you can afford it. Happier, still, if you can’t. Getting ripped off induces a worse hangover than a fifth of Jameson.
Calls to a few of the nation’s premier Irish public houses reveal prices that will send patrons to the poorhouse. At New York’s Paddy Reilly’s, a pint of Guinness will set you back $7, at Boston’s Black Rose $6.50, and at Chicago’s Cork & Kerry $6. It’s not quite enough to make one a teetotaler; but not so cheap as to prevent one from contemplating a switch to Old Milwaukee.
Bars make a rich man poor. The extortionate pricing, the inflated cover charge, the obligatory dollar every time a bartender hands over a glass, and the expensive cab ride home make yesterday’s normalcy today’s luxury. So, the money-saving pre-game drinking ritual has, for many, become the game itself, with the subsequent bar visit serving as the time to nurse rather than down drinks.
What’s a cheapskate to do?
One option makes wherever you are the bar. In the River Street area of Savannah, a St. Patrick’s Day destination that sagely scoffs at open-container laws, celebrants may roam with booze in hand unmolested by badge-bearing Neal Dows. Elsewhere, one must beware—under the spell of a narcotic that dampens awareness, no less—of the watchful eyes of watchdogs.
If there’s anything that announces “drinking in public” more boldly than a brown paper bag surrounding a peach schnapps bottle, it’s the red keg cup. Even drinking from a shiny flask shows the police more respect than the red Solo cup. Discretion requires imagination and planning. Nothing says “upright, law-abiding Yuppie” louder than a cardboard Starbucks cup. Imploring friends with the revolting habit of morning coffee to double-cup quickly provides an at-the-ready supply of drink disguises. Drinking in public doesn’t offend cops; drinking in public in a public way does.
Nevertheless, police in major metropolitan areas will act as bouncers-in-reverse this weekend, corralling drunks into bars instead of throwing them out of them. “Several hundred Baltimore and state police officers will be saturating the city’s bar districts this St. Patrick’s Day weekend, looking for drunken drivers and people drinking in the streets,” reports the Baltimore Sun. Boston police aggressively ticket parade-goers who passively imbibe. They issued 363 citations for drinking in public in 2011, followed by 244 citations last year. Either you pay the taxman by drinking in the tavern or you pay him by drinking in the street.
March 17 is when we collectively pretend that anti-social behavior is really social behavior. Projectile vomiting, impromptu impersonations of Mickey Ward and Arturo Gatti, and a.m. inebriation rank as a few of the behaviors that the bourgeois share with the bums on the holiday. Like children who wish every day Christmas, a few adult enthusiasts of St. Patrick’s Day make dreams of March 17 24/7-365 come true in nightmare form. Last year I ran, almost, into one of these proponents of St. Patrick’s Day Infinity.
A pile of clothes moving in the road startled and stopped the car. A closer inspection revealed a human being within the garments. Lying asleep, legs on the curb and body in the busy street, the man came within a few feet of knowing the real meaning of last call. Awoken, he communicated to me — just not in any language presently known to earthlings. The first policeman on the scene recognized the gentleman and explained that his unusual napping spot wasn’t unusual for him.
If Betty Ford and Frederick Exley had ever procreated, surely the evidence lay in the street before me. The shamrock on his cap suggested membership in my tribe. It was March 12, meaning that St. Patrick’s Day had become St. Patrick’s Week — if not St. Patrick’s Life — for Mr. Jameson Guinness Ford-Exley. He desperately needed a holiday from his holiday.
The cost of St. Patrick’s Day in the bars and St. Patrick’s Life in the streets strikes me as too high. The example and the prices set have inspired a tradition for St. Patrick’s Day, and the month that surrounds, of sobriety. Go down a dozen Harps. I’ll have a glass of milk.
Photo: UPI
About the Author
Daniel J. Flynn is the author of Blue Collar Intellectuals: When the Enlightened and the Everyman Elevated America. He blogs at www.flynnfiles.com.
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gene| 3.15.13 @ 6:25AM
The number one drug problem in the country and the world? Not cocaine, not heroin. It is still alcohol. Only nicotine might be ahead of it.
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Appleby| 3.15.13 @ 6:49AM
I am surprised that Mayor Nanny Bloomberg isn't all over this. Tie on that ruffled apron and pick up that broom, Mr. Mayor! And get out there on the streets of New York and start screaming your battle cry: "NO NO! NO NO! NO NO!"
TLP| 3.15.13 @ 3:10PM
Taxes, Taxes, Taxes.
Tickets, Tickets, Tickets.
Money, Money, Money.
Get it?
It's like The Lottery.
c. j. acworth| 3.15.13 @ 8:57AM
As far as I'm concerned the drinking isn't the main problem, as I simply stay away from inhabited areas on the day. What revolts me is the inescapable blaring of "Irish" music over every loudspeaker in every store in the days leading up to the day. On my way home from work this morning I stopped at a grocery store to pick up a few things (NOT a six-pack) and was treated to several instrumental permutations of "I am a Rovin' Irish Lad" or some-such. Fiddles squealing, bagpipes wailing, I got out before I reached the point where clawing my eyes out would be less painful than hearing another.
Bob K| 3.15.13 @ 10:37AM
Altogether now! To be sung to the tune of
Londonderry Air."
"Oh Danny Drunk!
The pubs, the pubs are callin,'
From County Cork and down to Innisfree!
And to those pubs we all will be a crawlin,"
Then out their doors to puke and take a pee!"
irish19| 3.15.13 @ 2:59PM
LMAO! Too funny!
Seriously, St. Patrick's Day is for amateurs.
Stormzeye| 3.16.13 @ 11:43AM
It doesn't mean a thing in Ireland except as a holy day of obligation.
Petronius| 3.15.13 @ 11:55AM
c j
Just do what the German officers did on the series Allo Allo. Stuff cheese in your ears.
The traditional stuff of Chieftains, Planxty, Patrick Street, Boys of the Lough, and Dervish are an absolute delight. The Great Harper, Turlough O'Carrollan was actually a precursor of Bach. The toads playing the ersatz on the P A don't know or care, but enter some of these on Pandora and listen fer a bit.
Michele San Pietro| 3.15.13 @ 9:14AM
Besides reveling, I think Irish people could do something for the Irish language on St. Patrick's day: it is officially the first language of the country, but it's currently spoken by a small minority.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.15.13 @ 9:57AM
That is a wonderful idea.
Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona
Céad míle Fáilte
...and when the time comes that your time here is done, may the founder of your family name be there to greet and welcome you...
Drunken Sailor| 3.15.13 @ 11:47AM
Slainte, pronounced slawn-cheh. It simply means "your health"
irish19| 3.15.13 @ 3:00PM
"Céad míle Fáilte"
And to you as well.
TLP| 3.15.13 @ 3:12PM
Does anyone know if Gaelic is allowed in the Military?
Michele San Pietro| 3.16.13 @ 7:17AM
Why shouldn't it be allowed? Anyway, Ireland's language is Irish, Gaelic is the very similar Celtic language spoken in parts of Scotland.
Stormzeye| 3.16.13 @ 11:44AM
Timmy misspelled "gay lick".
Michele San Pietro| 3.18.13 @ 6:21PM
Why should he have done so? We are just talking about languages.
Arnie| 3.15.13 @ 10:12AM
Michele, I actually heard it in Kenmare, and in a few other small towns along the west coast.
It is a beautiful language. But yea, not spoken really much anymore in Dublin.
And $6.00 for a Guinness or Beamish is a steal in value versus $3.00 for an Old Milwaukee.
gibbons et al.| 3.15.13 @ 10:23AM
Alcohol abuse is rampant all over this country. The U.S. governed Alcohol Cartel is getting out of control.
Has anyone noticed the rise in incidents of alcohol-fueled auto accidents,fights,murders,child neglect, etc.?
Alcohol, unfortunately, is THE government-sanctioned recreational drug of choice. When you consume alcohol, you are contributing to the dire effects of the U.S. Government Alcohol Cartel.
The consumption of alcohol is a serious social problem.
We need more police check points to issue more DWIs. It's high time that drinking is condemned as vociferously as smoking. Besides, drinking alcohol is far more dangerous to our health. If the alcohol does not damage our livers, a drunk driver will kill us on our streets and highways.
When I think of the Irish pub culture and St. Patrick's Day, I want to puke.
"Just say no to alcohol."
Drunken Sailor| 3.15.13 @ 11:42AM
"The consumption of alcohol is a serious social problem."
I beg to differ. It is the over consumptin of alcohol that is the problem.
"When I think of the Irish pub culture and St. Patrick's Day, I want to puke."
Well, what can I say, a few frat boys ruined a glorious holiday but unlike you I won't be a prig about it. Instead I'll put on the corned beef and cabbage, pour a glass, and enjoy the holiday with family and loved ones at home.
Your uptight ass can kiss my blarney stone.
TLP| 3.15.13 @ 3:14PM
You tell'em ya Drunk.
Contest at Monday's Wes Welker Story.
Occam's Tool| 3.15.13 @ 4:08PM
You know, I take my kids to the Irish pubs in town for lunch sometimes. Great food, and it removes the mystique of bars.
Drunken Sailor| 3.15.13 @ 5:21PM
OT, most of them are family friendly. It's only on St. Patties day that they get a bum wrap.
Parker| 3.16.13 @ 9:24AM
"We need more police check points to issue more DWIs. It's high time that drinking is condemned as vociferously as smoking."
Yessiree, just what we need. More check points. Shall we begin looking for jews or christians hiding in the trunk while we're at it?
Why don't we just stick to the facts. If you damage a person in their property or their person, you get what you deserve.
Next thing you know, we'll be preventing murders by confiscating guns.
People like you are a public nuisance. Maybe we should just put you out of your misery? Let's vote on who whether the fat man lives or dies? Oh wait, that's coming with FREE health-care.
Better yet, let's allow two wolves to vote with the lamb on, "What's for dinner?"
Smoking kills, so let's just kill tobacco farmers. That's the only way to prevent death by smoking.
You sir are nothing but a FASCIST!
Bob K| 3.16.13 @ 9:52AM
Gibbons et al,
There once was a very fine beer named Gibbons that was brewed in NE PA!
Michele San Pietro| 3.16.13 @ 7:19AM
Unfortunately, you are right. There are just small Irish-language communities in big Irish cities, apart from Galway, which is close to the largest Irish-speaking area.
deehra| 3.15.13 @ 9:31AM
My paternal grandparents were Irish immigrants.
On St.Patrick's Day, grandpa went to 7 a.m. Mass, just as he did every day, before going to his office.
The only alcohol I ever saw him drink was his daily, singular Manhattan, and beer at baseball games. Grandma on the other hand, was partial to a bracing glass of sherry before dinner.
Is there a bigger stereotype than that applied to the Irish ?
Drunken Sailor| 3.15.13 @ 11:45AM
Saint Patrick was a gentleman
Who through strategy and stealth
Drove all the snakes from Ireland
Here's a toasting to his health
But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself and then
Forget the good Saint Patrick
And see all those snakes again
irish19| 3.15.13 @ 3:10PM
Slainte!
TLP| 3.15.13 @ 3:15PM
And, he was Italian.
I'm not.
He was.
Not that there's anything wrong with it.
Drunken Sailor| 3.15.13 @ 5:21PM
Lot of mixing with the Irish and Italians.
Petronius| 3.15.13 @ 12:10PM
A great friend who goes by the moniker Eric the Dane used to put up one helluva Poteen. And a tot was all you got. The stuff could run a dragster.
To those who don't like the Feast of St. Patrick, I'll give it to you phonetically since you have no Gaelic. Pog-o-ma-hone. And if you want translation....
Drunken Sailor| 3.15.13 @ 12:34PM
Aye, May their spuds be like rosary-beads on the stalk
TLP| 3.15.13 @ 3:20PM
Contest.
pigdog| 3.15.13 @ 12:45PM
Re: If there’s anything that announces “drinking in public” more boldly than a brown paper bag surrounding a peach schnapps bottle, it’s the red keg cup. Even drinking from a shiny flask shows the police more respect than the red Solo cup. Discretion requires imagination and planning. "
My favorite conveyance is the Big Gulp plastic cup, complete with plastic lid and straw. At 32 ounces, it can be tough to handle, but packs a punch. It is handy, not only on the street, but at Little League Baseball games, Midget Football games, and PTA meetings. Uncorroborated reports tout its effectiveness for that most fortunate soul--the designated drinker.
TLP| 3.15.13 @ 3:21PM
Did you see that picture?
That Stupid Bastard even Drinks a Beer like a Woman.
Occam's Tool| 3.15.13 @ 4:05PM
Yes, Gene: Nicotine kills with chronic issues: cancer, hypertension, COPD.
Alcohol kills with chronic issues AND acute ones like auto accidents. It also destroys families with alcoholism. Very astute, Gene.
On the other hand, with appropriate moderation and/or DESIGNATED DRIVERS, might I wish all of my Irish friends on this site, especially the venerated Irish 19 and Drunken Sailor (and TLP?), a wonderful St. Patrick's day. May G-d protect and Bless you on that day, and all others.
For myself, I will be on call at my hospital that day. I will round, see my patients, come home and take my kids out to see a movie that afternoon, I think. Then I will nap, and after that nap, I will try to go through a few summaries of important psychiatric articles. Then I will read some classic Red Smith columns. Then I will watch some SpongeBob with my wife, kids, dog, and 3 cats all on the queen sized bed in our bedroom in front of our TV there. Crowded, but I love drifting off while hearing my kids giggle.
Drunken Sailor| 3.15.13 @ 5:24PM
OT. I'll raise a glass to you and yours with the Irish blessing.
May I see you grey and combing your children's hair
Occam's Tool| 3.15.13 @ 4:06PM
Cheesehead Jack, if you are Irish, go to Hell on this day as on all others. May the street rise up to kick you in the arse, and may the Devil be waiting by your bedside as you breathe your last treasonous breath.
e pearse| 3.15.13 @ 5:07PM
I don't want to dampen the drinking bacchanalia that is inappropriately set on the day of the greatest proselytizing English monk of the 5th C. England; but maybe it would be fit to remind all these ignoramuses that drinking themselves to oblivion could be understandably contained in the irony of the fact that the greatest symbol of Ireland - St Patrick - happens to be an English Saint.
Drunken Sailor| 3.15.13 @ 5:25PM
By birth maybe, but Ireland is where his heart lay.
Dimitry_Aleksandrovich| 3.15.13 @ 9:19PM
St. Patrick was from England of most likely Roman stock. Grandfather was a priest, father was a deacon. Was kidnapped by Irish raiders came to the Emerald Isle and the rest is history. He's honored in the Eastern Orthodox Church as well as the Roman Catholic Church because it was before the great schism.
Dimitry_Aleksandrovich| 3.15.13 @ 9:09PM
The St. Patrick's Day binge drinkers I can do without but I do enjoy San Francisco's St. Patrick's Day Parade especially the traditional dancers and the pipers. I also enjoy a good drink or two, or three of Jamesons or Powers chased by a fresh pint of Guinness on draft and friendly faces of the regulars at my old local many of whom were recent arrivals from Belfast and Derry but also Donegal, Dublin and Cork.
wombat1| 3.15.13 @ 9:09PM
Leaving aside the damage done by high-octane refreshment, now and forever, I'm reminded of the story of one Clancy, who lived down by County Cork, and was rather too fond of the pubs . So the wife asked the parish priest to have a word with her husband.
No one who knows Ireland needs to be reminded of the very real power wielded by parish priests there. But it seems this one was a reformist and progressive specimen , who approached Clancy one day on the street and said, "let's take a ride." So they both got into the priests's car and drove up to Dublin, roughly a days journey. And they arrived at St. James's Gate, the site of the Guinness brewery, about dusk. The shift was changing, people going in and out of the gates, trucks going to and fro, barges on the river, steam and smoke arising from the stacks. The very picture of a busy industrial site.
"Now, Clancy", said the priest, "You've been drinking like they're going to run out tomorrow. But you can see for yourself, there's this great industrial operation here. They'll always make more. So it's no harm if you ease off, is there?"
"Well, Father, I don't know" replied Clancy. "You can see I've got them all working nights as it is"....
Petronius| 3.15.13 @ 11:44PM
True story from auld Kerry Patch and the parish of St. Brigits which also is no more.
The year was 1906. Muldoon was a drayman with a drinking habit he deemed necessary due to winters chill overstaying and the Feast always falling during Lent being a reason to relax his resolution to forgo for the season. During his rounds he was accosted by his own Priest as he took a warming nip before mounting his wagon and taking rein. The good Father says to him, he says, "Muldoon you're not to be taking drams. 'Tis an affront to your promise. Now you pour it out in front of me or I'll read your name at Mass come Sunday."
Muldoon answered. "I cannae do that Father. Half belongs tae me cousin Grogan."
"Well pour out half then."
"I just cannae do it Father. Ye see, me half is on the bottom."
Gartenmayer | 3.16.13 @ 3:38AM
If there’s anything that announces “drinking in public” more boldly than a brown paper bag surrounding a peach schnapps http://www.freechaussuresfr.co.....-c-15.html bottle, it’s the red keg cup. Even drinking from a shiny flask shows the police more respect than the red Solo cup. Discretion requires imagination and planning. Nothing says “upright, law-abiding Yuppie” louder than a cardboard Starbucks cup. Imploring friends with the revolting habit of morning coffee to double-cup quickly provides an at-the-ready supply of drink disguises. Drinking in public doesn’t offend cops; drinking in public in a public way does.
Nevertheless, police in major metropolitan areas will act as bouncers-in-reverse this weekend, corralling drunks into bars instead of throwing them out of them. “Several hundred Baltimore and state police officers will be saturating the city’s bar districts this St. Patrick’s Day weekend, looking for drunken drivers and people drinking in the streets,” reports the Baltimore Sun. Boston police aggressively ticket parade-goers who passively imbibe. They issued 363 citations for drinking in public in 2011, followed by 244 citations last year. Either you pay the taxman by drinking in the tavern or you pay him by drinking in the street.
BNFDS| 3.17.13 @ 10:45PM
Think $7 for a pint is too much, don't pay it. I don't! Start your own bar and compete by offering lower prices. What makes me want to vomit is conservatives who use phrases such as "extortionate pricing." Sad.