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The Nation's Pulse
The Homecoming Dance
Who knew “Honey I’m home” was such an influential part of family life?
So much is said about the decline of the nuclear family and so little about how and why and what to do about it that when objective data on the subject surfaces, it’s worthwhile to take note. Sure there are overworked mothers and absent fathers but what about working mothers who are distracted and present fathers who are overlooked? That’s one of the many fascinating observations made in a forthcoming book Fast-Forward Family, from which an excerpt was posted last week at the Atlantic online. The book was edited by two professors and is based on data collected by a team of UCLA researchers who, between 2001 and 2004, tracked the lives of 32 dual-earning middle-class families living in Los Angeles. There’s surprising and predictable news in the research — as well as an easier-said-than-done solution.
The study’s narrow focus is helpful. Researchers zeroed in on the reception mothers and fathers give each other and receive from their children within the first two minutes of coming home from work and whether gender played a role. They observed via recorded video the “[s]eemingly trivial behaviors like greeting or noticing a returning family member” and, after three years, found that such behavior “turn[s] out to be consequential for opening lines of communication and nourishing parent-child and couple relationships.”
In this sample, working mothers arrived home earlier than fathers over half of the time — fathers typically worked two hours longer — and were usually in contact with their children first. The good news: Despite this, and contrary to media stereotypes — or heck, even the accounts of my own girlfriends — over half of the time, husbands and wives generally greeted each other “positively” or in an affectionate way.
However, the good news ends there. While the study showed husbands were distracted some of the time when their wives returned from work after them, wives were distracted on almost half of the occasions that their husbands returned home. Money quote:
Wives were not oblivious to their husbands’ arrival. Rather, they were usually caught up in a swirl of tasks […] that precluded giving their husbands their full attention…Preoccupation with housework and childcare and the later hour of fathers’ arrival home cannot fully account for these observed levels of distraction, however. It takes only a few seconds to turn one’s attention away from what one is doing to greet a returning partner, and fathers frequently were not granted even the briefest whiff of recognition.
As if modeling themselves on their mother, “children welcomed returning fathers differently from [how they welcomed] mothers on their arriving home from work.” Kids welcomed dads with positive behaviors (hugging etc.) in only 44 percent of the homecomings, compared to 59 percent of the homecomings of their mothers. “[W]hile mothers were frequently ignored, fathers were characteristically ignored by at least one of their children.” The mother’s example can’t totally be blamed. Even the researchers thought dad’s longer hours — which gave children time to be preoccupied with other things — could play a role. Though dads received a positive reaction from at least one child every time he returned home, it wasn’t enough. It may surprise some to learn the lack of these small greetings mattered a lot: both parents savored positive contact with their kids and were let down when they were ignored.
I was even more astonished — and saddened — to realize researchers found a distracted child or spouse within those first 120 seconds home “set the tone of subsequent interactions throughout the evening. Positive greetings gave way to smooth, rewarding social exchanges, while distraction disappointed the returning parent, which may have contributed to fathers spending less time with other family members on weekday evenings.”
How many nights, upon my husband’s arrival home, have I or my children given him a quick nod as we might the UPS delivery person dropping off an expected package? Who knew, “Honey I’m home!” pivoted so much on the axis of healthy child-parent, husband-wife behaviors? I should have known. As a child I relished the return of my Dad from work — and showed it with zeal — from the time I can remember to Christmas breaks home from college.
To be sure, our hyper-connected world enables a level of distraction with which previous generations of families didn’t feel compelled to compete. The study concluded: “Some parents may have reconciled themselves to the disappointment of being ignored or being a secondary concern of their children or spouses when they walked through the door at the end of the day…[which] can adversely affect the quality of family relationships.” What a shame to negatively affect my relationship with my husband, and my children with their Dad, because we were too “busy” or “distracted.” Surely two minutes of attention is worth it for an entire evening of happiness.
About the Author
Nicole Russell writes from Northern Virginia.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (147) | Leave a comment
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http://spectator.org/archives/2013/03/07/the-homecoming-dance
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Appleby| 3.7.13 @ 7:22AM
After your Dad is dead, you will spend a lot of time thinking about all the times you should have paid attention to him and you didn't. Trust me. No matter how good your relationship with your Dad is, you need to be sure you always take time for him while you have him with you.
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fmm| 3.7.13 @ 9:57AM
In the first paragaph you mention an easier-said-than-done solution then don't expand on it in any useful way in the rest of the article. Sort of like being distracted when Dad comes home?
cicero| 3.7.13 @ 10:12AM
My experience, both with my father, and with my 5 children was that it was not so inportant to interact with dad when he got home, but to notice and observe, and learn from his example and wisdom while under his tutelage. It wasn't necessary for the kids to run to the door when dad got hoome, or jump up and down like pets. They had other things to do - such as grow up.
I found that the way my dad said goodbye to my mother, and greeted her with a hug and a kiss on returning home spoke volumes, and taught me how a man loves and respects a woman. I admired him greatly (love doesn't really approach that emotion between a father and son), and he remains my idol and inspiration to this day, even though he has been gone for over 30 years.
Life doesn't proceed like a half hour sit-con, and there are no commercial breaks. Likewise, following 32 families two minutes a day doesn't really tell you how to fix a culture. But, nice try.
sotto voce| 3.7.13 @ 1:31PM
I read this article with interest because my husband and I discussed this exact issue last night. He told me the nail in the coffin of his first marriage was the indifferent way he was treated when he walked in the door after his 85 mile (that was one way) commute. He'd spent the day working to keep his wife and daughter in tennis lessons and riding classes and was totally ignored. We've been happily married for 20 years and while I don't think greeting my husband every evening with a kiss, conversation and a tasty dinner is all it takes to make a good marriage, it sure helps.
markenoff| 3.7.13 @ 4:03PM
"Surely two minutes of attention is worth it for an entire evening of happiness." You give them two minutes, next thing they want 4, then 8, then 16. Before you know it you're stuck interacting with them the whole night!
hrgfue | 3.7.13 @ 7:53PM
Thank you for your New post on that site.which is the best blog for us.we are enjoy it and will show them to everyone.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 2:06PM
I know that The Contest is supposed to be an Every Other Week thing, but seeing as how I'm Snowed In, AGAIN, and today's Selections are Slim, to say the least? I thought - What the Hell. Even if we don't get a big turnout? It'll still be something to pass the time away this Snowy Weekend.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 2:20PM
Rand Paul showed us, this week, that One Man CAN make a difference. He took to the Podium in the Senate, and stood there for over 10 Hours, to make a Point.
After failing to get a Definitive Answer from the Blacks Only Attorney General - Eric "My People/Fast and Furious" Holder - he took matters into his own hands. At the same time, at a Four Star Hotel Restaurant, not that far away..........supposed Republican Politicians were Dining on Lobsters and Sea Bass with the Man that holds the Leash of the man he was determined to get Answers from.
Finally, after a Marathon of Speaking Truth to Power, he got the King's Majistrate to answer a simple question: Does His Majesty have the Authority to be Judge, Jury, and Executioner of any American Citizen that he has arbitrarily added to his Drone Kill List, on American Soil?
Holder said: "No".
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 3:08PM
You misspelled "Masturbate".
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 3:11PM
God Bless ya, Moe.
CJW| 3.8.13 @ 5:55PM
Before we all get excited about Obama/Holder's reply, look at the specific question:
"Does the President have the authority to use a weaponized drone to kill an American not engaged in combat on American soil?"
Answer: "No."
First, what is combat?
Second, why is the question limited to a weaponized drone? Can the President use another weapon?
The question should have been: Does the president have the authority to kill, or order the killing, of an American on American soil?
There was a movie, do not remember name, about a President who said he did not have sex with an intern. He explained it all depends on the meaning of " sex" and "is" regarding having sex.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 7:10AM
Never mind that.
What did Purp say?
CJW| 3.9.13 @ 9:19AM
Hmmmm, puhleeeze, haha.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 1:27PM
That was a Joke.
Don't get Mad at me, like Navritil did.
CJW| 3.9.13 @ 4:13PM
Not mad. Just channeling purpie's usual wit.
chuck| 3.9.13 @ 8:38AM
You misspelled "Masturbate".
Cut TLP a break, would you! He's snowed in, and its hard to type with only one hand.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 2:38PM
My Analogy is twofold.
The whole Rand Paul/Eric Holder episode, reminded me of the Seinfeld Episode where Jerry was dating a Female Cop.
After asking Jerry (Holder) if he watched "Melrose Place" (Are Drone Dtrikes on Americans on American Soil Legal?) and him clumsily Denying that he did? She challenged him to a Lie Detector Test. (The Filibuster)
After sweating thru some of the questions, he becomes steadily more uncomfortable as the Melrose Questions keep coming up, until he realizes that he can't beat the machine, and spills his guts.
"Okay. Yes. I watch it! I watch Melrose Place!
Meanwhile, the Republican Old Guard (McCain. Gramm, Coburn, and others) are gorging themselves on Good Food, and Fine Wines - Reminiscent of the Caretaker of Gondor in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - while the Forces of Sauron (Obama) are killing his people (Paul, Cruz, and others) as they Battle to save Middle Earth (The Constitution).
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 2:39PM
There are no Prizes, as this is spur of the moment.
If you should find your way here? I welcome you, and hope you have fun.
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 3:13PM
Your gratitude is the only prize worthy of an entry in the exalted bi-Friday analogy contest.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 3:15PM
I'm still waiting for your Entry.
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 3:32PM
Bend over.
KennesawJack| 3.8.13 @ 3:46PM
Now we'll NEVER get rid of Purp, Arnie and Vtwin.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 3:54PM
Jack.
Thanks for coming.
7-08| 3.8.13 @ 8:49PM
I think you misspelled "coming."
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 3:53PM
Spoken like a Moe.
Tina B| 3.8.13 @ 6:08PM
I love it when you guys snap each other with towels like that. No snapping old ladies though, 'Kay?
I cannot enter the worlds greatest bi-weekly analogy contest again this weekend, I'm still moving. Miss youse guys, you too Moe, and can't wait to be free to win a pair of Timmy's stinky tidy whiteys next weekend. I will be reading all the entries and that will be my method of relaxing between truckloads of furniture.
Goldwater Girl| 3.8.13 @ 3:07PM
Tim,
I noticed that Holder only answered the question asked, Does he have the authority? Answer: no. He didn't say they wouldn't do it. Big difference
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 3:14PM
Kinda like Obama taking the Oath of Office.
Goldwater Girl| 3.8.13 @ 3:08PM
where is that fun girl Anna K? I know she gets her feelings hurt when someone "bullies" her with hate speech on the comments pages, but gee, don't be afraid to show up! How else can we show how immature and hate-filled we are, if she isn't here to inspire us?
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 3:12PM
She's out having the Tatoos on her Genital Warts, removed.
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 3:14PM
Maybe Anna stopped to collect Arnie, Purp, and Vtwin in order to show them the way here.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 3:17PM
I'm thinking that she took them with her, for the same procedure.
Stephie| 3.8.13 @ 3:40PM
Hey, I don't need any egging on. I'm always immature and hate-filled. Bazinga!!!
KennesawJack| 3.8.13 @ 3:22PM
An entry in the form of a bit of verse (sung to the tune of "She'll be Comin' 'round the Mountain").
Barack was driving down the fairway
doin' twenty miles an hour
when some pilot's controller broke.
They found him in the grass
with a drone stuck up his a**
still smokin' a half-finished toke.
Stephie| 3.8.13 @ 3:41PM
At the risk of sounding like Arnie, LOL!
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 4:01PM
Thanks for coming, Steph.
KennesawJack| 3.8.13 @ 4:58PM
I forgot to preface my entry with an approproate homage to Rule #1. "Following is my entry in this week's greatest analogy game ever created by the amazingly talented, creative, all-seeing, all-knowing, TLP." (Drum Roll)
Pecos Pete| 3.8.13 @ 5:28PM
KJack: Not good enough. You gotta do more. Like, add a blast from a coronet. Preamble with a tuba.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 5:56PM
I forgot to say Hi, to Pesco.
Hi, Pesco.
Glad you could make it.
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 7:59PM
Oy Pecos Pete, would a fanfare from my arse trombone suffice?
chuck| 3.9.13 @ 9:39AM
I'm thinking more along the lines of Prince William and Kate's wedding night: A line of royal trumpets blaring out, William enters the room dressed in his finest, Kate lying expectantly on the bed. And the Royal Crier shouts out: "PREPARE FOR YOUR ROYAL F#CKING!"
Now that is the intro TLP needs.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 5:35PM
Are you sure you don't mean: The Hopelessly Homebound Alcoholic - TLP?
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 5:57PM
And, thanks for coming, Jack.
KennesawJack| 3.8.13 @ 9:26PM
Talk about a coincidence. That's what the girl at the picnic said.....
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 7:14AM
Are you sure it wasn't: "Thank you for sitting over there, away from me."?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.8.13 @ 3:52PM
I haven’t been able to log in from home most of the day, and just as I’m about to leave for Happy Hour, Tim throws out a contest challenge.
I am reminded of the WWII flick”Sahara” ( with writing credits one of the Hollywood Ten screenwriters, but an interesting film nonetheless).
Bogie plays a senior NCO with an American tank who’s being chased across North Africa by the Nazis and Italians during WWII. Along the way, he picks up a crew of international stragglers, from across the UK, along with an Italian POW and a captured German pilot. He manages to seize a strategic waterhole, which, though dry, is believed to be the only water source for a hundred miles.
The Akrika Corps doesn’t know the hole is dry, and though he is outnumbered more than 40 to 1, Bogies unit holds against the Nazi battalion’s relentless attacks. Bogie’s crewman Waco is sent out into the desert to return with help, as one by one members of the composite force are picked up.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.8.13 @ 3:53PM
Eventually, the Germans surrender to get to the water, which (unbeknownst to Bogart) has started to flow again as a result of shells striking the spring source. Meanwhile, despite being lost in the desert, Waco returns with reinforcements to take control of the captured Germans.
Rand Paul gets to be Bogey today, with Ted Cruz playing Bruce Bennett’s role of Waco. Those other senators such as Rubio and Johnson get to round out the international composite unit.
We all know who the Nazis are, with Holder playing the captured pilot.
Keep in mind, that the film is set in late 1942/ early 1943, so there’s a lot of blood and sacrifice ahead before anything resembling final victory is achieved. Still, the sight of 700 Nazis with the hands in the air thirstily crying “Bitte, Bitte” is inspiration similar to Holder’s letter answering the inquiry in the negative.
Now, Happy Hour beckons.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 3:55PM
You never disappoint, Albert.
Thanks for coming.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 3:57PM
Did I ever tell you that I look like that Guy.
Not the Rapist.
The Other guy.
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 4:12PM
The one that looks like this? (_!_)
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 5:50PM
That's the one.
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 6:55PM
Albert, a mate of mine has been unable to log on this site and I wanted to aks who straightened out the problem for you. He can read, but canna' post.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.8.13 @ 9:24PM
Persistance is the only successful variable. I log on, log off, try again; sometimes what failed moments before works shortly thereafter (though I have a feeling that the moment I update my donation to the foundation, it'll all clear up).
Occam's Tool| 3.10.13 @ 11:53PM
Yeah, happens to me, too.
I generally go to my bedroom after coming home, to find my wife, the munchkins, the three cats, and the dog all watching "Spongebob Squarepants." (I love that show. Sorry. Especially the episode on "vocabulary enhancers.") I get hugs from wife, kids, an earlick from dog, and then my kids tell me what they did that day. Pretty OK.
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 4:05PM
We can strike Americans where they toil,
So spoke his mouthpiece and Barry's foil.
Said Rand Paul."Hold on there,
please clarify Eric Holder,
the Constitution says otherwise on American soil."
Senator Cruz endured the big runaround,
but cornered his prey and the word came down.
With the filibuster at work,
did force the number one jerk,
to admit they are forced to stay within bounds.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 5:49PM
At this Contest
Who could know
That the first one here
Would be a guy named Moe
He announced himself
Not a minute too late
To claim that I
Mispelled Masterbate
He forgets the rules
And that shall pass
And, in time you'll see
He will Kiss My Ass
As I said, before
there will be no Prize
But Kiss It anyway
That's a word to the wise
John II| 3.8.13 @ 7:27PM
You misspelled "masturbate" again--but you also misspelled "misspelled."
Maybe it was deliberate. I hope so. Otherwise, this development does not bode well for the extra Contest.
That was my entry. I'm going to be gone this weekend visiting my new granddaughter.
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 7:56PM
Thank you for correcting the obvious, I refused to take the bait. Have a safe trip, grandpop.
John II| 3.8.13 @ 8:18PM
You misspelled "Grampa." But thanks.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 7:23AM
You spelled "Tanks" wrong.
Joellen| 3.9.13 @ 9:42AM
John II, Congratulations on your blessed new grandchild.
Hi guys - I hope to participate later tonight!
Gee I havent misspelled anything!
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 12:24PM
Really?
You "Havent" misspelled anything?
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 7:22AM
I agree.
Your entry Definitely, doesn't bode well for the Extra Contest.
And you spelled "Boobs" wrong.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 1:31PM
That was for Gramps.
Occam's Tool| 3.10.13 @ 11:55PM
Awesomely cool, sir. Drive safely! (I love babies. I'm always the first to scream "cute child alert" when a staff member brings over a new kid to visit.)
Job| 3.8.13 @ 4:49PM
This is off topic but i'm gonna post it anyway. It's from the movie the Warriors:
Look what we have here before us Democrats . We got the Panthers sitting next to the Union workers. We've got the NAMBLA, right by the Chicago Mob. Nobody is wasting nobody.
That...is a miracle. And miracles is the way things ought to be. Yeah!- All right. I heard that! You're standing right now with nine delegates from a hundred gangs. And there's over a hundred more.
That's hard-core members - counting affiliates, and more not organised, but ready to fight soldiers!
There ain't but a few Old White Guys in the
Republican Party.
Can you dig it? Can you dig it? CAN YOU DIG IT?
The problem in the past has been the man turning us against one another. We've been unable to see the truth, because we've been fighting for ten square feet of ground -our turf, our little piece of turf.
That's crap, brothers. The turf is ours by right because it's our turn. All we have to do is keep up the general truce.
We take over one state at a time. Secure our territory, secure our turf, because it's all our turf.
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 5:39PM
"We can do this. If you can Count."
"The Warriors" was the very first Analogy of The Contest.
Job| 3.9.13 @ 12:40AM
hmm i'm gonna hafta quote Vinnie Barbarino. "whut, where, I'm so confused. I arrived at this anology independently so off my case toilet face...:) i wanna prize anyway. Did I fuget ta mention TLP is the guy who in the last line of the movie says, "we're the best".
Job| 3.9.13 @ 12:42AM
and if it turns out i posted on the same day as this used anology or somethin i'll just hafta chalk it up to senility.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 7:25AM
Not THIS Contest.
The very first one, last August.
I guess sick minds think alike.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 9:56AM
With the whole "I wanna prize" thing, I'm thinking Job is channeling Hardcard (and where is he?).
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 12:27PM
I think he's getting his boys together, in an effort to force their way in to The Contest Compound to take his Prizes by FORCE, as well as all of our Gasoline. (Mad Max)
TLP| 3.8.13 @ 5:37PM
I can't tell you how much it warms my heart to have the kids home for the weekend.
Not my kids.
You kids.
Stephie| 3.8.13 @ 10:18PM
We love being here!
Occam's Tool| 3.10.13 @ 11:56PM
We love you too, buddy.
Tina B| 3.8.13 @ 6:17PM
And I want to thank Joellen, Li'l Jen, GoldwaterGirl, LouLou, and the rest of the lovely ladies who can make me laugh or cry or just shake my head with admiration, in advance. No prizes but you aren't in it for that, are ya. Ciao babies.
It's a working weekend for this old gal. Wish you were here.
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 7:07PM
After all the work and worry of relocating are over; may God bless you in your new home.
Joellen| 3.9.13 @ 9:45AM
CLASSY MOE!
7-08| 3.8.13 @ 10:58PM
You misspelled Valkyries.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 7:28AM
You spelled "Volkswagen" wrong.
Joellen| 3.9.13 @ 9:44AM
Tina B you really are a doll!
When are we all getting together? No dates thrown out there yet.
Still havent spell a thing wrong yet!
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 1:34PM
You "havent"?
Tina B| 3.9.13 @ 1:50PM
Watch those verse tenses, but I can't wait to meet you all either. Summer, anytime is good with me. In a week or so I will reconnect with Ricky the Msrtin and we will share eml addresses and the fun continues. Bless you too Joellen.
Tina B| 3.8.13 @ 7:46PM
Thanks, Moe the Hilarious! He lives. We are testimonies to that.
7-08| 3.8.13 @ 11:16PM
The Norse God of Thunder had been out all night slaying Frost Giants and returned to Valhalla in the wee hours of the morning. All about the hall of the Gods were overturned mugs of Meade, the remnants of a feast thrown about, dozens of passed our Valkyries in various stages of undress or nudity, and the rest of the debauched Gods unconscious, frosen in the throes of revelry.
Thor pounded his hammer on the stone floor and shouted, “I’m Thor!” – No response.
Again he smote the floor with Mjolnir, and louder shouted, “I’m THOR!” – No response.
For the third time he struck the floor with his hammer, this time so hard it shook the Halls of Valhalla to the foundations, and as before proclaimed “I’M THOR!!!”
One of the Valkryies opened a bloodshot eye and moaned, “You’re thor? I’m so thor I can hardly pith.”
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 7:34AM
Fantastic.
If this was any other week, you'd be getting Fake Computer Apps, Free Tickets to Purp's Aids Test, one of Anna K's Aborted Fetuses, or my Underpants.
It was that good.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 9:59AM
7-08 has filled a gap created by Warrior's absence (or is that Mike 3/505).
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 12:29PM
Both.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 7:29AM
You spelled "Testacles" wrong, Tina.
Tina B| 3.9.13 @ 1:52PM
Oopsie. Thanks TLP. I never get that right.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.8.13 @ 9:21PM
I'm flashing back to more than 55 years ago. The pop charts are dominated by a strange almost harmonic song by a duo known as Mickey and Sylvia known as "Love is Strage". As I heard the lyrics again tonight, I thought with a little tweaking, it could be relevant to this week's news, and this week's contest, so here goes:
Drones, Drones are strange
Kill Lots of people otherwise out of range
Once you have them
You'll never wanna quit (no, no)
No Constitution (yeah, yeah)
Put limits on it
Many people
Don't understand (no, no)
They think killing (yeah, yeah)
Isn’t under hand
But Obama
With a power like this
Will fire missiles
Your ass goodbye to kiss
[Senator:]
Hey Holder...
[Holder:]
Senator?
[Senator:]
How do you call your drone targets?
[Holder:]
Come 'ere drone targets!!
[Senator:]
And if they’re not combatants?
[SILVIA:]
Ohh combatants!
[Senator:]
And if he STILL doesn’t answer?
[Holder:]
I simply say
Target,
Oohh Target
Fellow Citizen
You're the one
[TOGETHER:]
Ra-and,
Oohh Ra-and
You're the target
You're the one
Moe Blotz| 3.8.13 @ 9:29PM
Borrowing from Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, hey Al you're f***ing good!
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.8.13 @ 9:38PM
Grazie, Moe, Grazie.
loulou| 3.9.13 @ 11:10PM
He'a a genius.
TLP| 3.10.13 @ 5:53PM
You spelled "Penis" wrong.
John II| 3.9.13 @ 2:05AM
Well, it's very late and we're still packing to go visit our freshly minted granddaughter. I'm remembering something from the fairly distant past, a short-lived singer named Jimmy Drake who called himself Nervous Norvus in the mid-fifties and, in the same year "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" came out (1956), produced a hit record called "Transfusion."
With apologies to the ghost of Mr. Drake . . .
Tooling thru the Congress doin' 89,
I'm a twin-pipe Bammy, and I'm feelin' fine.
Hey, man, dig that--was that a red stop sign?
[Screeeech--BANG, tinkle]
Transfusion, transfusion,
I'm all covered up with political contusions.
Never, never, never gonna bray again:
Slip the blood to me, Bud.
I jump on my cart about a quarter to nine:
I gotta make one hole-in-one that really is mine!
I cross the center links--man, you gotta make time
[Screeeech--BANG, tinkle]
Transfusion, transfusion,
Oh--man, I got Republican convolutions:
Never, never, never gonna bray again!
Shoot the juice to me, Bruce.
My foot's on the throttle and it's made of lead,
But I'm a fast-ridin' Bammy with a real cool head.
I'ma gonna pass a bill on the Hill ahead--
[Screeech--BANG, tinkle]
Transfusion, transfusion,
My Red convictions are in mass confusion.
Never, never, never gonna bray again:
Pass the crimson to me , Jimson.
John II| 3.9.13 @ 2:06AM
I took a big drink--and a toke, that's right
I can fly over anything--anything in sight.
There's a slow-witted solon, gonna pass him on the right--
[Screeech--BANG, tinkle]
Transfusion, transfusion,
I'm a real gone dude, and that's no illusion.
I'm never, never, never gonna bray again:
Pass the claret to me, Barrett.
A-rollin' from election on a rainy day--
Oh, when you see me comin', better start to pray:
I'm a-cuttin' up the rules, and I'm the BOSS all the way--
[Screeeeech--BANG, tinkle]
Transfusion, transfusion--
Oh doc, pardon me for this crazy intrusion:
I'm never, never, never gonna bray again:
Pump the fluid in me, Louie.
I'm burnin' up a legacy early this morn,
I'm passing everybody--with nothin' but scorn:
Man, outa my way--I don't drive with my horn--
[Screeeech--BANG, tinkle]
Oh, nurse, I'm gonna make a new resolution:
I'm never, never, never gonna bray again.
Put a gallon in me, Alan.
Oh, barnyard Lefties come in two classes:
Tax-sucking hogs and preening jackasses:
So remember to sloooow down today.
[Screeech, BANG, tinkle]
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 7:39AM
Knowing HOW LONG IT TAKES YOU to get your thoughts down on paper. (so to speak)
Maybe if you actually HELPED your wife pack, it wouldn't take so long.
Yes?
John II| 3.9.13 @ 9:16AM
Actually, no. She won't let me help with that part, and I'd already done everything else except to pile her packing in the car. I said "we" because . . . well, you know what marriage is like.
And this one took only about 20 minutes. It's very faithful to the original. I wouldn't think of taking too many liberties with Nervous Norvus.
We're leaving in just a few minutes--and I'm doing all the driving. Mutter a prayer for us, Timmy.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 10:13AM
By choosing "Transfusion" over "Ape Call", you were spared from having to spell Doobleeabba (and all of the attendant "You misspelled Doubletree" variations, which I hereby volunterr to take on).
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 1:36PM
You spelled "Doobie Brothers" wrong.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 3:40PM
I spelled "Volunteer" wrong, too, but that was the setup.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 1:38PM
Dear God. Please don't let John's tutu fly up in his face while he's driving.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 10:08AM
Hey daddio
How 'bout Impeach O
Tina B| 3.9.13 @ 8:00AM
Ok, John II is packing, like I am, sooooooo
I offer this, posted 2 days ago by the sophisticated and still publicly God-loving, Cal Thomas in the Jewish World Review, and to be sung to the tune of Margaritaville (a place in time/space that I am way too familiar with):
Millions on food stamps
Finding jobs? No chance
Government spending has put us in hock
Taxing and spending
Without any ending
If we go on like this we'll all be in shock.
Wasting away today in new Sequesterville
Searching for some honest pols in D.C.
Some people claim that just one party's to blame
But I know the real problem is we.
Does anyone here think Cal has been reading our Timmie's Worlds Greatest Analogy Contest entries?
I already love Cal Thomas, though I would not have dated him in HS, but now I love him even more.
Timmie, if Cal wins can I have his prize???
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 9:11AM
These guys read this site.
Last Fall, Rush said "We need to have a Contest yadda yadda yadda........"
That was on a Monday, after one of the Contests.
I know that he started talking about "Giving the Democrats everything they want" in the Fiscal Cliff Talks, on a Monday after I had posted Exactly That Recommendation on the Friday before that, on Paul Kengor's page.
I would not be surprised if Cal Thomas got the idea from here.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 10:18AM
Let's face it, this is the Grass Roots, and you are The Landscaper.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 1:40PM
Shouldn't that be: You're Ass is Grass, and I'm the Lawnmower?
Moe Blotz| 3.10.13 @ 11:22AM
There was a young man form Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
Great tufts of grass
grew out of his arse,
and his balls were all covered with weeds.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.10.13 @ 11:43AM
If we keep this going, maybe the Home & Garden TV cable station will pick up the contest.
TLP| 3.10.13 @ 5:55PM
Or at the very least - The Onion.
AuH2O Girl| 3.10.13 @ 3:13PM
Sounds like a novel about a serial killer
Warrior| 3.9.13 @ 10:40AM
From the archives of TLP (#17 in blue) during is brief yet eventful hockey career.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHMi-j7W2gM
The analogy here is that the liberals are the Chiefs and after causing all the turmoil at the end, the Chiefs are the Democrats and the referee is the anyone who questions them.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 11:03AM
It does hallow the notion of proper adherence to protocol during the National Anthem.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 1:43PM
I saw a Comment on another site that was written by "Lancelot Link".
That wouldn't, by any chance, be You, would it?
Warrior| 3.9.13 @ 9:05PM
Not me.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 1:53PM
#17 in Blue.
HILARIOUS.
I'm assuming that the two Blonde Chicks are Alan's Girl and Li'l Jen.
Kwan| 3.9.13 @ 10:56AM
TV Series: The Night Stalker. Episode: Revenge of the Kenyan. (I would suggest not busting a gut trying to remember where, when, or if you saw this particular episode, you probably didn't because it was never made.)
PLOT: A Kenyan national is fraudulently elected President of the United States. But bulldog reporter Carl Kolchak smelling a rat uncovers the truth and begins to expose the fraud. That's when President Obangodango unleashes a secret fleet of "Trackem and Whackem" killer drones to take Kolchak out blowing up streets, homes, restaurants, hotels, and even knocking down a bridge in a desperate effort to silence Kolchak. Kolchak manages to escape the assassination attempts and provide evidence that results in the impeachment of Obangodango who is shipped back to a Kenyan prison.
Analogy: The Carl Kolchak character is Rand Paul who performs a 10 hour filibuster in the Senate in order to expose the dangers of a paranoid wacko leftist President going psycho and trying to take out his political enemies with killer drones. President Obangodango could be representative of any paranoid wacko leftist psychopath President, who decides to kill anyone and everyone that he believes to be a threat.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 11:06AM
It does beg the question of why DHS isn't also buying silver bullets along with the billions of rounds of ammunition it is already purchasing.
Kwan| 3.9.13 @ 11:32AM
To go along with the silver bullets they should stock up on Holy Water and Crucifixes. I do believe Napolitano regards American Patriots as demonic beasts from hell, as do her backup punks those hand-wringing, thumb-sucking, mommy-boys from the Southern Poverty Law Center, who have a panic attack if they happen to see a rifle or shotgun on a rack in the rear window of a pickup truck.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 12:14PM
At the same time, the SPLC has no problem identifying targets and serving as a community organizer for the Left's unbalanced activists. Fortunately, up until this point, many turn out to be as inept as Floyd Corkins, and not as lethal as Jared Loughner or Holmes.
Kwan| 3.9.13 @ 1:21PM
Southern Poverty Law Center website triggered FRC shooting.
The Family Research Council shooter, who pleaded guilty today to a terrorism charge, picked his target off a "hate map" on the website of the ultra-liberal Southern Poverty Law Center which is upset with the conservative group's opposition to gay rights.
"The day after Floyd Corkins came into the FRC headquarter and opened fire wounding one of our team members, I stated that while Corkins was responsible for the shooting, he had been given a license to perpetrate this act of violence by groups like the Southern Poverty Law Center which has systematically and recklessly labeled every organization with which they disagree as a 'hate group,'" said FRC President Tony Perkins.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 1:50PM
And, in keeping with the whole Night Stalker genre: John McCain as Kolchack's Editor, who was always dismissing all of his theories, and Lindsey Graham as the effeminate Gossip Columnist, with the Glasses.
Kwan| 3.9.13 @ 7:22PM
McCain and Graham are two guys that are having trouble seeing the forest because the trees are in the way. They want to believe that the Democrats are good guys that want what is best for the American people. Dumb and Dumber best describes this belief.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 8:52PM
Getting back to the late 50's, in light of the filibustering Senator's name, I remembered another duet from more than 50 years ago by Paul & Paula, entitled "Hey Paula", and thought it might lend its tune to another musical chronicle of this week's highlight and contest theme:
[Paul:]
Hey, hey Holder, I wanna ask of you
Hey, hey Holder, What do you say Obama can do
I've waited so long for your thoughts right or wrong
Holder you can’t parse the whole day through
Answer, Answer
[Holder:]
Hey Paul, I've been waiting for you
Hey, Rand Paul, I can filibuster too
But you’ve got the floor my answer’s in store
I’ll tell what Barack can do
to you, to you
[Both:]
Due Process limits the executive
which citizen dies and who’s to live
The Constitution requires an imminent threat
To send a combatant to his death
At home, at home
Hey Holder, are you now sayin’ no
Hey, Paul, I guess I’m sayin’ that’s so
We’ve got some limits to our killing list
Obama, McCain and Graham are pissed
We can’t send missiles in any café
At least that’s what we say today
Today, today
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 10:11PM
Nice, Albert.
I don't know about the rest of you?
But I can't imagine life, without you guys in it.
Tina B| 3.10.13 @ 11:40PM
That was outstanding, and how I love to sing along with your lyrics to those tunes you pick which I know oh so well. Even now. ACJ, I cannot wait to meet and greet the Melange of Minds who Won't Be Left Behind. Timmie brought this lunacy out in me, and I give him full credit for his creativity and challenging nature as well. It's that brilliantly rude and crude way he has of hitting that nail right on the sweet spot, dead centre, where it does maximum damage and with magnum force.
Love ya Tim-bo, gonna haft search far and wide for the right song now that the competion is so finely tunes. Yippie kio kiay.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 10:14PM
BL in AK wrote in:
Like Albert, I have not been able to log into the AS site. Here is my entry:
The movie is the 1970 MASH release and the scene is the camp's chaplain, tells Hawkeye (McLame) that the unit's dentist (King O), has consulted him about a problem. King O tells McLame that he has suffered a "lack of performance" with a visiting nurse (Hillary) and now believes he has latent homosexual tendencies. Soon after, he reveals his desire to commit suicide and seeks advice on which method to use. McLame and his tribe of traitors suggest that he use the "black capsule", a fictitious fast-acting poison. At an impromptu Last Supper (Dinner at the Jefferson Hotel) King O takes the capsule (lobster with all the trimmings) and falls asleep in a coffin. McLame then persuades Sodameyer, a nurse who is returning to the SCUS the following day, to spend the night with King O and cure him of his problems.
The movie fades back to a different scene in history of a June day in 1876, where our hero Lieutenant Colonel George A. Custer (Rand Paul) and the 7th Cavalry (Rubio and Cruz) charged into battle against Lakota Sioux (Brennan confirmation) and Northern Cheyenne Indians (Clone use on US citizens and US soil legislation). Custer's orders were to wait (filibuster) for reinforcements at the mouth of the Little Big Horn River (Senate floor) before attacking the Indians, but Chief Sitting Bull (Harry Reid) had been spotted nearby, and Custer (Rand Paul) was impatient to attack.
TLP| 3.9.13 @ 10:17PM
BL in AK continues:
Our movie fades one last time to the Last Supper scene that has metamorphosed into a historic summit of the American mafia held on November 14, 1957 in Apalachin, New York. We can only hope a realization by the public of King O’s meeting with McLame and his tribe of traitors is similar to the direct and most significant outcome of the Apalachin meeting which was that it helped to confirm the existence of a National Crime Syndicate (King O’s tyranny), which some - including J. Edgar Hoover, (Eric Holder)-had long refused to acknowledge.
Give my best to the gang and judges!
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.9.13 @ 11:32PM
Once again, BL shows the kind of resilience and resourcefulness necessary for survival in Alaska's harsh climate is transferable to other endeavors, as well.
TLP| 3.10.13 @ 5:59PM
And, what you can accomplish when your stuck in the House with your Sled Dog Team - 24/7 - because the Sun doesn't shine for 6 Months.
Joellen| 3.10.13 @ 7:50AM
I contacted Ben Brophy at 609-273-6502; email: bbrophy@spectator.org.
Spill that wine remade to Dig That Drone
We was once strolling in a country
that abide by GOD and law
A country once free and bountiful
With the Constitution caressing our hearts
But then the dream turned into a nightmare
for some just recently
but in reality it occured around the 60's
There were hippies, and yippies
and radicals from abroad
Marxist, Communist and those who wished to destroy
Singing Dig those Drones baby Dig those Drones
And then The One came out from the dark
and his minions worship and adored
He played them and use them and
they loved him with evil ardor
and then he whispered in certain ears
Use those Drones Use them now
On Americans who just wont cower
To my plan of total control
Spill American blood on American Soil
cause there's no one to stop my total control
Singing DIG those drones baby Dig those drones
But then came Rand Paul
and Cruz and Rubio
and one democrat who sensed
Baby this is all wrong
Singing Stop those drones from shooting down
Americans on hollow ground
STOP those drones
And then they made public,
Holder, McCain and Lyndsey Graham accountable to those who would sing
Damm those dictators who threathen our way
Standing firm till its declare
No Drones will be fired in the USA
on innocent Americans anytime anywhere
So now we sing
DIG those men who stopped those Drones
Dig Rand Paul who foiled Diablo
Dig Rand Paul
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.10.13 @ 9:15AM
I'm diggin' it, Joellen.
Tina B| 3.10.13 @ 11:45PM
Ooooh, good job little woman of my heart!
I loved that song then and now.
chuck| 3.10.13 @ 9:31AM
Animal House, the scene where all the Deltas are lying around, dejected because they have been expelled. Suddenly Bluto jumps up and yells:"WHAT'S ALL THIS LYING AROUND SHIT!"
Rand Paul is Bluto, fed up with all the woe-is-me crap with the rest of the Republicans. He takes to the Senate floor and talks and talks. Slowly he convinces the others that action is necessary.
The supporting Senators, Cruz, Lee, and the others are Delta House, ready to support some action.
Of course the role of Neidermeyer and Greg Marmalard are played by McCain and Lindsey Graham. Neidermeyer/McCain is the military guy backing the powers that be, willing to shoot down any opposition. In the end, Neidermeyer/McCain is a victim of friendly-fire. Marmalard/Graham is the gay-guy who supports "the man".
"Greg, dear.......is it suppose to be this soft?"
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.10.13 @ 9:53AM
It is very easy to picture Obama as Dean Wormer, in the moment before the Deathmobile crashed into the grandstand bleachers, thinking of Rand Paul, Cruz, Lee etc. as he says "I hate those guys".
chuck| 3.10.13 @ 1:47PM
And starring Moochelle the Wookie as the horse!
Of course it was a white horse, but the asses match perfectly.
TLP| 3.10.13 @ 6:06PM
That was Perfect.
I know that I said that there wouldn't be any Prizes, but I think that you deserve something for such a Perfect Analogy.
The Prize Bin, here at The Contest Compound, has pretty much been cleaned out, so I'm sending you a picture of Moe, instead.
(_!_)
I hope you like it.
And, yes.........I'm using your (_!_)s now.
Moe Blotz| 3.11.13 @ 2:58AM
At least you found a picture of me smiling. ( _!_ )
TLP| 3.10.13 @ 6:15PM
I hope that everybody had a good time.
After seeing the Bag a Shit Stories that TAS offered us on Friday, and how there's NOTHING on T.V. on the Weekends, I thought that a Pop Contest would be just what the Witch Doctor from Kaminsky's last Vacation ordered.
To tell ya the truth........ I really did it more for Me, than for you guys because, like I said earlier - I like to have the Kids home on the Weekend.
And, to Twinkle Toes Tutu Ballerina Slippers John II?
I think I speak for everyone when I say: Give that little one a whole lotta Kisses, from all of us.
See Ya'all in the Morning.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 3.10.13 @ 7:51PM
Through all of the technical difficukties, it is always great to get together and share a laugh or two. Thanks for your efforts, TLP, and once again, I enjoyed the opportunity to sing and play along with everyone.
TLP| 3.10.13 @ 9:21PM
Good Night, Albert.
See ya tomorrow.
TLP| 3.10.13 @ 9:25PM
You spelled "Diffacuties" wrong.
Next week, The Contest will be on an Official Great White Tourist Blog: Kaminsky.
So, let's Pound That Sucker!
Pecos Pete| 3.10.13 @ 10:31PM
Wa'll now, sorry to have missed the fun. Was out on Ol' Tim a'ridin' the range. Chasin' heifers and shootin' up some other critters. Twas a cold night Friday and Saturday. The chuck wagon didn't come geared up for cold nights. Tried to get by with a quart of vodka. Sorta worked. I know because I survived. Ol' Tim was not happy that he had to stay out of a warm barn and he don't like vodka. Next time I'll try the Colonel's solution and bring some scotch for him.
Everybody done good this week, 'cept for TLP who seemed troubled by misspellin's of easy words.
TLP| 3.11.13 @ 6:57AM
You pelled (cept'n) wrong.
Tina B| 3.11.13 @ 6:58AM
You misspelled TLP.