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Putting on Ears
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My Grandfather, Aaron Homnick (1893-1969)
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That Is What We Do
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Shame Old Shame Old From Obama
April 19, 2013 | 101 comments
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Cut Out the Chase
April 5, 2013 | 83 comments
A Further Perspective
Sequester and Ye Shall Find
Can you dig it? If not, check with your friendly Manure Management Planner.
Ya gotta love the sequester.
One thing you learn early in this business is that the rare occasion when something good comes out of Washington it is always for the wrong reason. In a classic Seinfeld episode, a store manager politely tells Jerry that company protocol does not list “spite” as a valid basis for returning an item. In government, however, spite ranks high on the validity scale, alongside resentment, one-upmanship, egotism, greed and general nastiness.
If the sequester occurs on March 1, a consummation devoutly to be wished, it will be for one reason only. When President Obama derisively, haughtily, sneeringly, mockingly said in an election debate the sequester is “not going to happen,” a bunch of guys with the power to make it happen said to their TVs, “Oh, yeah?”
Make no mistake. There are plenty of good, decent folks in Congress who understand that government must be trimmed to save itself and to save us, and see this quest advanced by the automatic cuts due to be enacted March 1. However, that caucus does not have nearly the votes needed to take up that stand and make it stand up. It will not be the “Oyez! Oyez! Oyez!” of Supreme Court judiciousness that carries the day; it will be the “Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?” spite of the guys who didn’t enjoy being dissed and dismissed in the debate.
That being said, ya gotta love the sequester. Finally there is an instrument, however imperfectly honed, to hack some fat off the morbidly obese federal budget. Not that the cuts will actually be cuts; they are only decreases in the projected increases of budgets, which are only “cuts” in the Orwellian language of Washingtonspeak. Not that the cuts will actually stick; you can be sure some later bill will slip all the money back into the system quietly. Still, the mere fact that the rapacious ripoff racket that is government spending will miss a snack or two gives hope to honest people everywhere who pull their own weight and provide real products to real people.
That is not to say the millions of people in government offices do not work hard; all you have to do is to walk into one of their on-site gyms to see them sweating and breathing heavily. Nor should we disparage their work product. My personal favorite is the Manure Management Planner (MMP) of the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA). This is part of the Comprehensive Nutrient Management Plan (CNMP) which is required of farmers with Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations (CAFOs.)
In the immortal words of the USDA guidelines:
CNMP planners are strongly encouraged to use Manure Management Planner (MMP) because it was designed to simplify and hasten the CNMP development process. MMP was developed on a state-by-state basis to include each state’s unique data and circumstances…
Clearly, these vital functions must be spared the budget cutter’s ax. (As a public service, we include a link to the MMP.) No matter how many people we are forced to lay off in an effort to refurbish our financial house, we must make sure the fearless men of Manure Management receive their full complement of Pooper Scoopers. The image of a bunch of cows eating together at the CAFO Braunerhof in Vienna or the CAFO De Flore in Paris without a proper MMP is too scary to contemplate, although I understand Mel Brooks has bought the film rights.
Sadly, the phonies who run these departments usually cut the most vital parts first to try to win popular sympathy. Ronald Reagan raised that point 33 years ago in the Presidential debate when he cited the old politicians’ trick to cut the firefighters and the hospitals first. There is plenty of room to achieve the necessary savings without affecting vital services.
The final irony comes from the sideshow over whose idea all this was to begin with. Bob Woodward says it was Obama and Obama says it was the Republicans. Truth is Obama could have scored a big win in historical terms by standing proudly behind this idea and adding: “I expect the heads of each department to exercise maximum discretion and restraint in targeting the cuts to the least vital areas.” Who would have criticized him for that? He would only have earned accolades.
Instead of the accolades Obama spoke to the acolytes and the Kool-Aid drinkers. He wooed the wards of the state and fought Woodward. Too bad, because we could sure use some manure management in Washington, D.C.
About the Author
Jay D. Homnick, commentator and humorist, is a frequent contributor to The American Spectator. He also writes for Human Events. Here he speaks at the Rally for Religious Freedom in Miami on June 8, 2012.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (25) | Leave a comment
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spike59| 2.26.13 @ 6:30AM
It is my belief that the 'dreaded sequester' is a FINE example of Manure Management...bring it on
stop telling lies| 2.26.13 @ 6:34AM
If we didn't have an MMP from the good folks at USDA, we would be in DEEP . . .
Wait, we are, aren't we? Another failed government program.
Pecos Pete| 2.26.13 @ 8:56AM
I remember well the EPA's proposed regulation of dust created by farmers plowing fields. Matter of fact, I think this proposal is still hanging around in the bowels of the EPA's proposed regulation department. Some MMP could be used at the EPA.
The Avenger| 2.26.13 @ 9:07AM
We certainly need MMP for we are surely drowning in bullsh**!
Mike G| 2.26.13 @ 9:20AM
So where is the E&CMM; (Executive & Congressional Manure Management) agency? Oh, wait...they probably each have their own agency for that...how could I possibly have thought that there would only be one agency for both governmental branches? How silly of me!
Kwan| 2.26.13 @ 9:53AM
The need for this sequester and many more is due to what I would term a Universal Law: The ability of left-wing politicians to imagine various ways of wasting tax-payer money is infinite. Unfortunately the over-burdened tax-payer's ability to produce the money for this out-of-control spending is finite.
SUBVET| 2.26.13 @ 10:24AM
3 M on a goldfish study and 1 M on beef jerky.
You can't make this sh@t up.
TLP| 2.26.13 @ 12:36PM
I saw this comment on The Hill: I am taking Friday off because surely the world is going to end and I do not want to be at work when that happens. They let every working person take a 2% hit on January one and I do not recall them saying that with that increase our cars will not start, our houses will be cold, our children will starve and criminals will take over our house. Those making more than 250K took an even bigger hit and if they lived in Cali well they got hammered. If this tiny cut is going to cause a calamity well I think it is time to let the country cave in around our ears and we start over using the constitution as it was written and what was intended. Trash the whole federal government and get all new people in there.
I'm filing that under: "I wish I said it".
Moe Blotz| 2.26.13 @ 12:42PM
How many millions wound up subsidising pulling pork, wacking carrots, or choking chickens?
TLP| 2.26.13 @ 5:23PM
Just, you, and that other guy.
Kwan| 2.26.13 @ 7:45PM
In order for the nation to return to financial sanity these leftist prophecies of doom have to be laughed at. For a Big-Government leftist like Obama this must be very traumatic to realize that his creation is going to be shrunk by 2.4%.
Claudia Monteverdi| 2.26.13 @ 10:46AM
Jay...yeah yeah, you're right in every respect of your wonderful article...OK? now comes the important part......"He wooed the wards of the state and fought Woodward"........gimmeabreak, is this brilliant or is it BRILLIANT? This is historic and belongs in the top ten of the ten best turned phrases along with fourscore etcetera, and friends romans countrymen, I'll never go hungry again and I feel your pain...simply sensational, Jay, did I say SENSATIONAL?
Al Adab| 2.26.13 @ 11:29AM
"But Rhett, what shall I do, where shall I go?"
"Frankly my dear..."
Hows that TLP?
Al Adab| 2.26.13 @ 11:29AM
"But Rhett, what shall I do, where shall I go?"
"Frankly my dear..."
Hows that TLP?
Pecos Pete| 2.26.13 @ 11:37AM
Where is TLP today? Hungover? Banned again?
Moe Blotz| 2.26.13 @ 12:37PM
Maybe stayed in the bedroom to Thai one on.
TLP| 2.26.13 @ 12:49PM
Actually, I thought that I was.
Everytime I tried to get on, I got the "Mobile American Spectator Site" which has the Stories, but none of the Comments.
I just figured it out 5 minutes ago.
And, thank you for asking.
By the way.........Did you see Occam's comment to my comment about Seek being a "Fluffer" in the Porn Business, at yesterday's Ben Stein Meandering?
Occam said he knew someone in the Porn Business (Intersting) but he didn't know what a "Fluffer" was.
He wanted to know if The Fluffer fluffed up the pillows before the Sex Scenes.
Albert jumped in, and Bless His Heart, tried explaining it to Occam with the funniest line I think I've ever heard.
He tried explaining to Occam that "The Fluffer was, basically, 'An Entry Level Position' in the Porn Business."
Like a Clinton Intern.
Hilarious.
Just thought I'd share that with you.
mike 3/505| 2.26.13 @ 12:35PM
What is sad, is that so many of these "departments," seem to have their own armed law enfocement, entities. Why does the Department of Education need a SWAT team? For that matter, what is the Constitutional basis for such? Jes axin'.
mike 3/505| 2.26.13 @ 12:37PM
**enforcement**
Haven't started in on the scotch yet...so I kant spel wurth a dam.
Moe Blotz| 2.26.13 @ 12:38PM
Here I thought you were showing off by using Ebonics.
mike 3/505| 2.26.13 @ 12:51PM
"Excuse me. I speak jive."
Airplane!
Moe Blotz| 2.26.13 @ 1:42PM
S**t (Golly), they both be the same.
TLP| 2.26.13 @ 12:51PM
You probably shouldn't Drive yet, either. Or, Fly. Or, Shoot.
mike 3/505| 2.26.13 @ 1:01PM
I'll be doing all three....shortly after 1700....Combat Rules...12 FEET bottle to throttle.
Al Adab| 2.26.13 @ 1:50PM
The cows made me think, how big is the budget for the National Renewable Energy Lab out in CO? We could close it down and might even be able to find corn in the grocery stores again.