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The Cat That Went Bump in the Night

By on 2.14.13 @ 6:06AM

 A lesson in the Second Amendment.

One of the favorite delusions of anti-gun hysterics is that a gun in the home is more dangerous to the folks who live in the house than to would-be home invaders. The theory, which makes sense in progressive circles and to some who’ve stopped taking their psychotropic drugs, is that if a bad guy tries to invade my home in the middle of the night I’m more likely to shoot myself than the invader.

This is transparent nonsense. Plenty of news stories of citizens defending their homes and person with legally owned guns confirm this as nonsense, as does this early Wednesday morning incident from the Chez Thornberry.

My wife and I are owned by a formerly stray, disconnected male cat named Peanut, who adopted us some years back and who has grown sleek and fat on our hospitality (18.2 pounds at his most recent trip to the vet – he’s named for his color, not his size).

Peanut normally passes the night outside, which is right and proper for cats. But he’s currently under house arrest because of an eye injury suffered either in a fracas with a raccoon or another cat, or perhaps from some sharp horticulture. My wife must put drops and salve into his injured eye twice a day, and the less said of the wrestling match this requires the better.

As I was drifting off to sleep early Wednesday, a vision-impaired Peanut, unused to the dark topography of the house, and whose presence in the bedroom I was unaware of, made an unsuccessful leap for the top of the dresser in front of our bed. He didn’t see the clothes on top of the dresser that I had neglected to hang up or put in the clothes hamper. So 18+ pounds of cat, clothes, and some metal objects in a tray atop the dresser, all crashed to the floor.

This clatter was enough to wake me and cause me to roll left and reach for the Colt Trooper Mark III .357 magnum I keep under the bed against the possibility of serious and unbudgeted-for threats. But before I could clear the holster, my wife, more awake than I was, had the light on and had spotted the source of the clamor (and confirmed that, contrary to popular legend, cats do not always land on their feet).

My wife separated clothes and dresser items from shaken cat and hauled the malefactor back to his abandoned living room cat bed. I put the gun back under the bed. And it was back to dreamland for all concerned, even Peanut, who had had enough exploration and excitement for one night. (At least the raccoon hadn’t pulled a gun on him.)

So there you have it. I didn’t shoot my wife or myself. I didn’t blow up the cat (thereby losing more husband points than I and the entire staff of TAS could count, or that I could regain in the time left to me). But I was armed and ready to protect my wife and myself. That’s the way it’s supposed to work. And this is what the Second Amendment is mostly about. It’s so simple you’d think the Feinsteins and Obamas of the world could understand it. But alas.

About the Author

Larry Thornberry is a writer in Tampa.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (61) |

Appleby| 2.14.13 @ 7:04AM

Where my folks lived in rural Alabama, the sheriff paid them a visit when they first moved in. First he wanted to know about the chain link fence with the barbed wire that surrounded their place ("We're from New York" my Dad told him), and second, to explain the Castle Law. He was satisfied that Dad understood the law and was capable of using the three guns he owned -- in rural Alabama, the cops are even less likely to show up in time to prevent a crime -- and off he went on his rounds. Some time during their tenancy, Daddy (who had ears like a bat at the time) heard someone climbing the fence. He stepped out on the porch with his shotgun to find a Being had scaled the fence and was on his property. I believe what you call Daddy's action "chambering a round" -- it's that sound I used to hear on The Rifleman -- and according to both Daddy and Mama, the would be malefactor broke the Olympic record for the high jump in getting back over that fence. Daddy never had to shoot anybody. Just the fact that he COULD shoot somebody was enough to change the bad guy's plans.

Otis, my man!| 2.14.13 @ 12:27PM

Larry posted a great story but the Libtards are going to counter it with this story which just happened today: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....nkamp.html

Apparently, the "Blade Runner" claims to have shot his girlfriend when she surprised him by showing up unannounced in the middle of the night.

7-08| 2.14.13 @ 7:07AM

Very excellent firearm; No rear sights to snag, robust enough for a steady practice diet of full bore 357's, six shots, very smooth double action sequence. Be sure you keep it loaded with 125 grain hollow points - still one of the highest lethal index rounds on the market.

Maxwell| 2.14.13 @ 9:01AM

7-08, with all due respect, my law firm of Baer, Brown, Wilson & Springfield don't agree.

R Martin| 2.14.13 @ 7:48AM

Good gun story, bad cat story. Cats who roam throughout the night are always up to no good and are a terrible menace to wildlife. I live on a property surrounded by a wildlife refuge. When I encounter cats on the prowl, I shoot first and don't bother asking any questions.

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 9:43AM

I know man, just the other day in my neighborhood a little Asian lady was eaten by a murderous Tabby...
Oh wait, its my Dyslexia, it was the other way around...

Frank

PolishKnight| 2.14.13 @ 9:58AM

How sad. Sure, the cats may eat "good wildlife" but they also go after "bad" wildlife as well (small rats and mice.) It was for this natural ability alone that the Egyptians adopted them to keep their granaries free of mice.

R Martin| 2.14.13 @ 12:41PM

Sad? Did I forget to mention what a good time my dogs have jumping on the downed cats and giving them an almighty shake just to make certain they don't go after any more wildlife, good or bad. BTW, in my neck of the woods, the snakes deal adequately with the bad wildlife you cite, so we don't need no stinkin feral cats.

Pecos Pete| 2.14.13 @ 1:28PM

Ricky, in my neck of the woods the City People bring their unwanted cats, dogs, snakes and God knows what else to the wilderness and let them go. Mostly the coyotes, bobcats, mountain lions, raccoons, owls, hawks, eagles and Big Foot take care of the problem.

Once in awhile I'll see a pack of feral cats or wild dogs passing by. If it is winter, I figure Old Man Winter will take care of them and thus another meal for the other critters. If is warmer weather, I call the Game Warden who ignores me thus providing another meal for the other critters.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 2.14.13 @ 12:07PM

Of course, some of the cats in your range are sometimes referred to as cougar (and I don't mean those experienced ladies who would prowl the Brandywine Brewing Company, Buckley's and Kid Shelleen's in search of younger male companionship)

BShep| 2.14.13 @ 8:08AM

Cats make good targets and bad pets.

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 9:41AM

Hitler didn't like cats, just sayin.

Frank

Frekki| 2.14.13 @ 10:21AM

I like cats, I just can't eat a whole one by myself.

Seek| 2.14.13 @ 11:23AM

It's people like you who make me realize that the ancient Egyptians may have been right in mandating the death penalty for anyone guilty of wantonly killing a cat.

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 12:04PM

Well I slept with your wife!!
I mean, shot my neighbors Pit Bull.

Frank

EastTexasRancher| 2.14.13 @ 9:02AM

Mr. Thornberry,
You made me laugh aloud before my second cup of coffee this morning. If I could list all the animal high jinks in my house, I'd be here all day. Suffice to say that a loaded gun in the house for protection isn't the problem.
The libs are just not used to be told NO, by fly over country and are having their tantrums, determined to seize them.
They will go to every length they can to seize our weapons. It is in their design, by nature. They are the "parents" and we are the children and "they know best."
They will play heck in Texas, however. Even our county sheriff has sent each county resident a letter in the last few weeks to assure us he will defend our rights.

Meanwhile, hope the cat fares better. Our most serious pet incident that had us laughing later, was one cat who leapt from about 12 feet for the hanging bird cage, missing wildly, and landing with enough clatter to awaken my husband who was once a gun pilot and who can dress still in under 30 seconds, from habit formed in Nam.

He was johnny on the spot, as were you, with weapon in hand, just to find chairs knocked over and a cat looking suspiciously at him saying, "Who, me?"

Blessings from E. Texas,
B. Gunn
Easttexasrancher

Pecos Pete| 2.14.13 @ 10:04AM

Bev: Please comment more often. Thank you for today's contribution.

flyovermark| 2.14.13 @ 1:38PM

You had it right the first time, ETR. The reason the libs will go to any length to seize guns is precisely BECAUSE the 2nd amendment says "no" to them. It's not the guns that they can't abide, it's the second amendment's limitation of government power to seize them.
If we had an amendment that said "the right of the people to dye their hair shall not be infringed" they would be trying to seize hair-coloring products.

Bill8472| 2.14.13 @ 9:13AM

When cats suffer a lapse in their ordinarily excellent sense of balance, after they fall to the ground, if you watch them, they'll often look at you and send you a psychic message, to the effect of: "I meant that."

A .357 pistol is pretty hefty for home defense. If you were to fire it, and hit your target, the round is capable of going right through the bad guy, passing your interior walls, through your exterior walls, cross the street, penetrate your neighbor's exterior walls, penetrate his interior walls, and -God forbid- blow away your neighbor's three-month-old in his crib.

My personal preference is for the 12-gauge shotgun. If you're going to use a handgun, try using frangible rounds (like Glaser Safety Slugs), which don't penetrate walls.

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 9:22AM

Umm you left out the "will go through an Engine Block" about the .357.
Thats why God made Hollow Points, in fact, I don't think I've shot any .357 rounds that weren't hollow points, Even the girly .38 rounds I practice with the majority of the time are hollow points..
Which in a high velocity round like a .357 will expand, and release all there energy where you want it, the suspects Liver , Heart, or Brain...

Frank

Bill8472| 2.14.13 @ 9:24AM

So am I wrong?

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 9:45AM

in what, your religious beliefs, sexual preference, favorite TV show/Sports Teams/Political Party???
But saying that a .357 will do what you said, yes.
Lets just say I know from experience...
No, I haven't killed anyone, lets just say even the VP can have a premature discharge...

Frank

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 9:47AM

Oh yeah, those Glaser "Safety" slugs are a bigger Joke than Michelle Bachman's Husband's Heterosexuality...

Frank

Anthony| 2.14.13 @ 9:16AM

Wrong Mr. Thornberry!! Obozo and Feinstein understand all too well, and that is the problem.
Pampered and protected political elites don't give a rat's ass about the average American.
When Feinstein was actually vunerable to threats from some of her loony constituents, she packed a firearm and vowed to "take them with her".
Feinstein understood that her precious lefty ass was only going to be saved by her.
Obozo and Feinstein are about disarming America. The last vestige of resistance between a tyrannical government and the people they wish to subjegate are our weapons.
You better believe Obozo and Co. get it, and they want to get YOURS.

Russel| 2.14.13 @ 9:58AM

For whatever bearing it has on this story , it reminds me of one . A Father was awakened to the horrific screams from his son down the hall . Dad raced in , turned on the light , ( use your imagination ) and saw a Racoon latched on to the kids foot . Using what weapon he had at his disposal , he strangled the Coon with a phone cord . I reckon the point here is that most weapons used in any situation are not gunpowder driven . Dad would never had been able to use one of Bills fancy handguns . A baseball is the weapon of choice with gangs , for instance . But you're dead on , Anthony , this run on our 2nd amm. is nothing more than the removal of our ability to protect ourselves from government goons , or our taking back our government from them . The reason our Founders gave us arms . And why the likes of Feinstein want to see it gone .

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 11:06AM

"Strangled the Coon with a Phone Cord"????
And where are these gangs that terrorize the city with driveby fastballs???
"Our Founders gave us Arms"???

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when we dabble to conceive...

Frank

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 9:19AM

Great post Larry, butttttttttttttttttt
You're only exercising 50% of your Martial 2d Ammendment rights.
Its like if only your wife voted, instead of like I do, vote for who Mrs. Drackman tells me.
Its like if you were a Slave, who toted all the barges, lifted all the bales, while your wife buys $400 shoes that she won't wear because they don't go with the $600 dress...
Thats why in the Drackman house, the Miss-us has a Beretta 92fs, that I put an M-9 marked slide on, because the beretta one has that "Warning!! Guns can be dangerous" disclaimer..
While I go with the old school S&W Model 28, "Highway Patrol" .357, with the classic N Frame Dirty Hairy made famous..
Even our baby daughter is in the act, East German Makarov, not the most powerful round, but she's been taught to aim for the eyes, like a spitting Cobra...

Frank "don't shoot till you see the Whites" Drackman

Bill8472| 2.14.13 @ 9:26AM

The whites of what? Their eggs?

Louis Jenkins| 2.14.13 @ 9:29AM

Best firearm, why one that's loaded of course. Actually the owner is most likely the most familiar with the weapon. It's all a bunch of sh--. Any excuse to rid American's of their own personal property.

PolishKnight| 2.14.13 @ 9:58AM

Reaching for a gun under the bed because a cat made noise in the bedroom? Wow! Talk about being on edge!

RCV| 2.14.13 @ 12:38PM

Agreed. I'm glad Mrs. Thornberry appears to have a calmer grounding in reality. And, sorry, Larry, but this is not "what the Second Amendment is mostly about".

Pecos Pete| 2.14.13 @ 1:21PM

If not, then why not?

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 10:07AM

Larry, HERE's how you tell a gun story..
and don't be hatin, haters, it's true, I just waited till the Statue of Limitations ran out..
THERE I WAS...
Med School, I was drivin a Honda 500 Interceptor(Remember those? Red, White, and Blue) had just finished my Grocery shopping, and was saddling up. Parked in the alley between Albertsons(Remember those?) and one of those places that rented suckers(Like me) furniture...
Just as I was about to hit the starter, 8 guys, who looked like what Obamas sons would look like if he shot Y's instead of X's ran towards me.
OK, it was only 3.
"Watchoo Got in the Back Pack May-an??" said the one who looked like "Freddy Boom Boom Washington" from "Welcome Back Kotter"
"This" I replied, pulling the same Smith & Wesson Model 28 .357 Magnum I carry to this day.
"We Was Just Playin May-an" said the other one(OK it was only 2) who looked like umm they all look the same in the dark..
and I drove off, un scathed.

Frank

Frekki| 2.14.13 @ 10:33AM

I carried all the time I was in NYC, um, 30 years ago. Guns are useful tools, but like any tool they need to be treated with respect. Most libs don't respect anything.
100 years ago my greatgrandfather found someone standing at the top of the stairs at night. The man refused to answer him or move. So papaw shot him with the 12 gauge. On inspecting the body he found his ruined overalls draped over a shattered chair. His farm wasn't electrified then. No lesson here, just an old fun family story.

Anthony| 2.14.13 @ 10:39AM

No Frank, here's how you tell a gun story:
Two years ago, on my way to a large CT city court house, mid day, I took a detour to a branch of my bank.
As I pulled into the drive thru, only to discover that the branch had been closed, 6-8 "youths", apparently on the way home from school, spotted my converible and stormed my car.
Several started pounding on the hood, one tried to reach into the car as I raced my car out of the drive thru into the parking lot, looking for the exit. As I proceeded to drive out what I see as the "Enter" access from the street, several catch up and start pounding on the trunk. As I drove off, they all stood there laughing.
I had no firearm in the car.
When I got to the court house, I saw a city cop standing outside a judge's chambers. I told the cop what just happened.
He just shugged.
True story.

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 10:45AM

umm thats actually more of a "No Gun" Story...
this is a little crass but it makes the point.

James Earl Ray had a gun
Martin Luther King didn't.
and discharging a weapon in the Memphis was already a crime, as was First Degree Murder, didn't bother old Jimmy Earl in the least...

Frank

Occam's Tool| 2.14.13 @ 5:53PM

Being armed can be useful, as many, many police are less than enthusiastic about their jobs...

Maxwell| 2.14.13 @ 10:47AM

Frank, didn't Honda also have a 750 version of that? I started on the Honda 400-4 which was in '77. Well, everyone has to start somewhere!

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 11:08AM

they had a 750cc and a 1000cc, they all had the same color scheme, the V-4 was as silky smooth as Jessica Biels thighs, and were THE crotch rocket of choice until Tom Cruise rocketed down the road in a Ninja in "Top Gun"(THE best movie of all time btw)

Frank

Peppermint Tea | 2.14.13 @ 12:21PM

Don't you mean Beyonce's thighs?
The "superbowl" of thighs.

C'mon Frank, let's keep our thighs straight.

Frekki| 2.14.13 @ 12:26PM

Nice, but way too fast for me. I've got a '37 K500 Zundapp in the barn. 16 HP, but will do 70. I cannot decide on either the original SS three color camo, or Stirling Moss green. It's on YouTube as pheonix zundapp 2.

Peppermint Tea | 2.14.13 @ 12:23PM

http://www.google.com/imgres?s.....4-jessica-
Frank, maybe you are right with "silky smooth."

biel-0002.jpg&w=1280&h=1024&ei=Tx0dUfTYJInhqAH8yIGACw&zoom=1&ved=1t:3588,r:9,s:300,i:31&iact=rc&dur=4412&sig=102242968302030859391&page=19&tbnh=187&tbnw=237&ndsp=15&tx=139&ty=140

Ronsch| 2.14.13 @ 12:33PM

I have to add, that before the tragic boating accident where all of my firearms, ammunition, and accessories were lost, I routinely answered the noises in the yard with a firearm...Of course, I live in Southeast Alaska, and more likely as not, it turns out to be a black bear rummaging around. Only had bearsr try to get through the front door twice now, but it held stoutly.

pigdog| 2.14.13 @ 12:36PM

"I didn’t shoot my wife or myself. I didn’t blow up the cat (thereby losing more husband points than I and the entire staff of TAS could count, or that I could regain in the time left to me)."

Don't worry, Larry. You'll get another chance to shoot that cat--when your wife isn't looking. ;)

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 12:44PM

Whens the last time you ruined a perfectly good pair of wingtips stepping in Cat Shit???

Bill8472| 2.14.13 @ 2:56PM

How would a person ruin his shoes stepping in cat shit? Wouldn't they just clean the shoes off?

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 3:16PM

I wouldn't know because cats bury their shit, unlike dogs, who will eat it if nothing more tasty is available. Think about that next time Lassie licks your face...
OTOH our Pommeranian is more intelligent than 95% of Congress.

Frank

R Martin| 2.14.13 @ 4:37PM

That would make approximately 27 members of congress who are smarter than your Pom. I'd be hard pressed to name them.

You know, one forms a mental picture of the people who post here, and I have some trouble picturing you with a little yapping Pommeranian. Kind of like imagining TLP with a toy Poodle.

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 5:05PM

The Pommeranian is Mrs. Drackman's, the Tabby is mine, The Ferret and the Hamsters are my daughters, and before you say anything, I had a Dobie and a German Shepherd(named "Socko and Vazetti")when I met Mrs. Drackman, She had a Cat, and...........
The Cat won.
actually Socko and Vazetti died of old age, you know, 10, and I cried like a baby takin em to be put down.
NO, I didn't give them the Old Yeller treatment.
Gettin sad just thinkin about it...:(

Frank

Bill8472| 2.14.13 @ 6:12PM

So why did you mention stepping in cat shit? Did the burying thing skip your mind?

Bill8472| 2.14.13 @ 6:16PM

Does your Pomeranian eat dog shit?

Russel| 2.14.13 @ 7:14PM

B8 , I gotta say the twerp is more irritating than perp ( which is saying something ) . They must belong to the same org that PAYS them to waste their time harrassing . I get off work , go to TAS and see he's STILL harrassing .

Bill8472| 2.15.13 @ 10:20AM

I'm in awe of his encyclopedic knowledge and authority.

soljerblue| 2.15.13 @ 9:46PM

Half the country is eating something of the sort these days, and it's coming downhill from DC.

Kingofthenet| 2.14.13 @ 12:55PM

When your half asleep with a gun in your hand accidents DO happen, to somehow make believe they don't and that domestic disputes, suicides and kids finding them are all the work of some 'Liberal Media' shows how divorced from reality YOU are.

Frank Drackman| 2.14.13 @ 1:43PM

"Domestic Disputes" You mean like the OJ vs Nicole Simpson bout? that Nicole might have won if she'd had even a simple 25 auto..
Suicides? Sometimes its a rational choice(See Hitler, Adolf)and if I ever decide to exit this Moral Coil, I'd rather do it the Hemingway-way instead of in some New Age Death-orium...
Kids finding them? Well if they shoot themselves, thats Evil-lution, can't interfere with the improvement of the Specie...

Frank "Shoot em all, let Jehovah sort em out"Drackman

junkyard infidel| 2.14.13 @ 5:54PM

you mean like a keyboard in your hands and the ignorant nonsense that comes from it, kingofthenut ?

UpChuck.Liberals| 2.15.13 @ 12:04AM

Let me ask you a question. Would you hide a gun from a child or show it to them, let them handle it, practice putting in a magazine, 'fire' it with snap-caps, then tell them that if they EVER want to see or handle it to simply ask. Telling them that you trust them TO ASK.

Occam's Tool| 2.14.13 @ 5:56PM

By the way, we have 4 pets who can usually be found in bed with either the kids or my wife and I---the Black Lab "Bama," or the 3 cats: "Rocky," "Ginger" or "Pepper." All are indoor pets.

I have never pulled a Ka-Bar on my pets yet. Perhaps that is becausein the middle of the night I am trained to awaken fully alert.

sotto voce| 2.15.13 @ 6:09PM

I'm glad all ended well, but I'm compelled to point out that it's not "right and proper" for pet cats to spend the night (or day) outdoors. If you really care for Peanut you'll keep him safe indoors. His eye injury is a case in point. Cats who are allowed outdoors suffer from injuries and diseases that indoor cats do not. Outdoor cats also have significantly shorter lifespans than do indoor cats. Domestic cats are the natural prey of raccoon, coyotes, owls and hawks, not to mention frequent victims of automobiles. When we adopted our adored little kitten, the shelter had us sign a contract promising to raise her as an indoor cat (which we would have done anyway, but I was glad to see them remind sometimes clueless cat owners of their responsibilities).

soljerblue| 2.15.13 @ 9:45PM

Larry -- it's not that they CAN'T understand it; it's that they WON'T. Messes with the narrative, don't you see.

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