Monday
Here I am in Philadelphia at the
business center of the Loews Hotel, using an unbelievably expensive
Internet connection. Why? Because some evil soul hacked my computer
while I was in Greenville, S.C. a few days ago. It was almost
funny. I turned on the computer and a big black screen appeared
with white writing saying, “United States Department of Justice.” A
message said I had illegally downloaded software and thus my
computer had been disabled.
But, if I sent a money order to a certain address, the U.S.
government would unblock my computer.
Based on long experience, I do not believe that is how the
government acts. Plus, I have no idea of how to download or upload
anything. So, I will get it fixed soon, when I get back to LA. Or
else buy a new one. But why would anyone do something so mean?
What’s the point? Just malice.
So… I asked my capable son, Tommy, what to do. He showed me how
to run the machine in “safe mode,” which I did. But it’s hard to
compose that way. An annoyance but hardly life-threatening.
I flew up to DC on Saturday afternoon from the great, friendly
Greenville-Spartanburg airport. It was not quite as great this
time. A large drunk man bumped into me and did not even apologize.
A large woman next to me in the security line was wild with anxiety
and fidgeting madly. She kept saying she had just gotten a new job
“orchestrating telephony,” whatever that means. She was literally
jumping up and down with anxiety.
Yes! Of course! She sat next to me on the flight, singing to
herself, clapping hallelujah, crying out “lawd hab mercy” or
something similar, waving her arms in the air, as much as she could
considering that she was crammed up against me. She kept saying she
had to get home, that she had worked hard that week and needed to
be in bed.
I was overwhelmed with joy to get off the plane and say good-bye
to her.
Naturally, she wanted her picture taken with me.
Still, I love Greenville. The main thing that’s great about it,
two main things, are good sushi and friendly people. Well, also
lots of very pretty women but I don’t look at them because I have
my Julie waiting for me at home.
I found a house for my son and daughter in law and
granddaughter, so if all’s well, they’ll be in the Palmetto State
soon. South Carolina is a fabulous place. People do not have a bad
attitude and they talk cheerily to strangers, and Tommy has a lot
of friends there, so let’s hope he’s happy.
In DC, I mostly paid bills. I always have an immense pile of
bills to pay. Lord, help me from myself. By far my worst enemy is
my extravagance. BY FAR. I am not sure where I got it from, but
it’s killing me. I guess I have said this before.
I also spent a lot of time watching a video of how my Canadian
pals, the Vissers, paterfamilias, Mike, a videographer, view my
life in LA. As I watched it, I realized that it seems like a fairy
tale life — but someone has to pay for it. That someone is a fat
old man named Ben Stein. But still, it is a glamorous life. It
reminds me of a movie I once saw about a man who was told he would
die in two weeks and went out and lived a fantastically lavish life
for two weeks — only to find he had been given the wrong diagnosis
and he would live a long time.
The problem is that I do not recall at all how he paid those
bills! And yes, I easily can pay my bills, but I FEEL broke all of
the time. Why is that, doctor?
Bob and I drove up to Philadelphia from the Watergate. We
stopped at an IHOP. The man in the next booth was a brave Marine
who fought in many wars and now is a firefighter. “I took classes
at a community college,” he said, “after three tours in the Marines
in Central America and Kuwait. A girl in the class said it was fine
to burn the flag. I said, ‘You wouldn’t say that if you knew that
the flag is sacred from the blood of the men who died fighting
under it. You wouldn’t say it if you saw how they died for that
flag and for you. And if you’re going to burn a flag, try burning
this one,’” and then he pulled down his T-shirt and showed us an
Old Glory tattoo right over his heart. Right at IHOP. I was deeply,
deeply touched and hugged him for a long time. This America is an
amazing place. This man, L/CPL Gordon, is my hero. God bless
him.
In my hotel cafe here in Philly, I had wings and watched Rachel
Maddow interview Paul Krugman. Dr. Krugman has gotten steadily
nuttier as his predictions turn out to be more and more mistaken.
Oh, well. He got the Nobel for hating Bush. Mr. Obama got the Nobel
for not being Bush.
The Nobel is really a silly joke now.
And whatever happened to all the hosannas about Arab Spring? The
whole area is falling apart. Deadly riots in Egypt. Poison gas
loose in Syria. I thought Anderson Cooper said it would all be
fine. Does anyone really have any idea of how dangerous it turned
out to be to kick out our pal Mubarak? How could our State
Department have been that naive? Very scary. I wish I were in Idaho
with my guns and my God.
Photo: UPI
